Rod Liddle

Rod Liddle: The top 10 most fatuous phrases in the English language

I’m battling my demons, and at my most vulnerable, but I’ve still managed to bring you a column

1 November 2014

9:00 AM

1 November 2014

9:00 AM

An apology. A few weeks back, in my blog, I promised a regular series called ‘Fatuous Phrase of the Week’. Like so many publicly uttered promises, this one has failed to materialise.

There has been no update to the Fatuous Phrase of the Week. This is because for the past two weeks I have been battling my demons — and horrible, vindictive little bastards they are too. While I would have been happy to fulfil that promise, and had plenty of phrases at the ready, the demons crowded around. Nah, they said, take the dog for a walk instead. Jabbering in my ear, poking me with their little pitchforks. Forget the phrase thing, they insisted. Instead try to get to 400,000 points on Bejewelled (Lightning mode): you can do it, Rod. You got 375,000 only a couple of days back. Put in that extra effort. You know it’s worth it. So I battled my demons, briefly, and then succumbed. Demons 1 Readers 0. This article, therefore, is an attempt to put matters right.

Below are a bunch of the clichés, lies, evasions, obfuscations, PC euphemisms and disingenuous balls words and phrases which, in recent years, have annoyed me the most. There are countless others, but these are the ones which for one reason or other stick in my craw. And of course we begin with:

1. Battling my demons 

It was demons who held down that actress/pop singer/reality TV star and rammed four kilos of charlie up her left nostril leaving her with the IQ of an aspidistra and, alas, sans septum. It was demons who injected Philip Seymour Hoffman with skag. The same creatures regularly waylay the former footballer Paul Gascoigne and siphon several litres of vodka down his throat. And it was demons, a whole bunch of them, who grappled with Brooks Newmark’s penis and ensured it was transmitted digitally to the fictitious woman of his choice. This was my original Fatuous Phrase of the Week, an utterly ubiquitous cliché which serves only to absolve people from responsibility.

2. Vulnerable

It’s official — the most abused word in the English language these days. Today, as used by the whining liberal left, it means anyone who isn’t an able-bodied middle-aged white heterosexual male in full possession of his mental faculties. In other words, about 70 per cent of the population. It is frequently used as a euphemism for educationally retarded, or what we used to call ‘backward’; when you hear on the news that someone was ‘vulnerable’, you have to work out for yourself why. It’s not usually hard.

3. Diversity 

[Alt-Text]


Something brilliant, to be championed. We all love diversity, don’t we? As used by the left it means ‘lots of ethnic minorities’. Quite often it is deployed to mean precisely the opposite of its original meaning. As in ‘the area is very diverse’, referring to a place populated exclusively by Bangladeshis.

4. Denier

A horrible and recent confection of, again, the liberal left. You can be a ‘climate change denier’, which means you might doubt that global warming will cause quite the catastrophic circumstances — annihilation of all living creatures, earth burned to a crust, polar bears howling in agony — dreamed up by the maddest, gibbering eco-warriors. You can be a ‘sexual abuse denier’, which means you have one or two doubts about Operation Yewtree. The term was appropriated from the Holocaust, of course: the implication being that to deny that absolutely all 1970s celebrities were busy molesting kiddies is on a par with denying that Nazi Germany murdered six million Jewish people. Nice.

5. Classic 

I bought some lavatory paper the other day which was described as having a ‘classic design’. It wasn’t papyrus, just the same design the firm has been peddling for 20 years. Has a word ever been wiped on so many bottoms as ‘classic’? Debased is an understatement.

6. Wrong side of history

If someone says you’re on the wrong side of history, it is their smug and stupid way of telling you that you are wrong and they are right, no more. Conservatism is always on the wrong side of history because it is innately opposed to profound social change. Social change is always good, you see, even when it is utterly calamitous or pointless or unnecessary.

7. Bravely fighting cancer

An odious phrase, patronising and meaningless. All people with cancer are bravely fighting the vile disease. All people with cancer who have decided not to fight it, but instead to acquiesce, are also brave — perhaps even more brave. In truth, ‘bravery’ and ‘fighting’ have nothing to do with it.

8. Let me absolutely clear about this, Evan…

Any politician who tells you that he is about to be absolutely clear about anything is actually about to lie to you and probably steal your spoons. It also suggests to me that they are anything but clear in their own minds as to what the hell they are talking about, especially if they say it with great emphasis while banging their fists on the table. As used by Ed Miliband on a daily basis, probably to his family about what he’s having for breakfast, as well as to the rest of us about other stuff.

9. Vibrant

Used as a synonym for ‘noisy’ or ‘thieving’. Almost always used in conjunction with ‘diverse’ (qv) and also…

10. Community

Yes, Huw, it’s a vibrant and diverse community, but it’s also a very vulnerable community, which is why the police have been brought in to stop angry local people attacking them. I think we can say, Huw, that the angry local people are on the wrong side of history.

That’s enough vapid idiocies for now. One of these days I’ll gather up a bunch of other phrases which are deliberately misleading, obnoxious or disingenuous. If my demons let me. Right now they’re waving a bottle of Sancerre in my face and sniggering. Don’t they know how vulnerable I am?

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Show comments
  • mmac1968

    Excellent article. Diverse and vibrant, both apt descriptions worthy of an Oxford Dictionary update.

    • Twenty Rothmans

      In the property market, ‘diverse’ means ghetto. ‘Vibrant’ means violent ghetto.

    • you_kid

      I prefer monotony and having three WAG at the same time.
      You know, you could have that – it is possible, not in the free West tho’.

  • http://www.devilsdictionaries.com/ DevilsDictionaries.com

    Lovely.

  • miranda

    Rod is a National Treasure.

    • Picquet

      A list of National Treasures compiled by a diverse selection of boozy loons will always include Mr L.
      I’m sure the list of fatuous terms should include: “Professional”. When describing office software it may well be dull but workable, but in relation to games joysticks and the like (or soft drinks, sports wear and chewing gum), it merely indicates greater expense.

      • Aberrant_Apostrophe

        And ‘consultant’. I’m thinking in particular of the ubiquitous ‘management consult’, fresh out of university, who gets paid vast sums to teach company bosses how to suck eggs. Little do they know they are only employed because said bosses need a fall guy when it all goes t*ts up. Conversely, when it goes right they claim the credit for having the foresight to get ‘an expert in’.

        • Tom M

          And “lessons must be learned”. Usually said by people that you thought got the ridiculously overpaid public service job because they knew what they were doing.

        • Frank Marker

          They always wear pointy shoes too. It’s the way to spot a bad un, rather like the bad guy in westerns who wore the black hat.

        • http://www.CaerphillyPreserves.co.uk/ No Good Boyo

          This is especially true in government departments

      • ex-pom

        Yes, people seemed obsessed these days with being a “Professional” and “Professionalism”.
        I always ask them whether they would prefer a “Professional” sexual partner or an enthusiastic amateur.
        The only reason “Professionals” do what they do is because you pay them shed-loads of money.

    • GraveDave

      Yes, we should all have a Rod of our very own to polish.

      • miranda

        One can only dream.

        • Damaris Tighe

          Penis envy my dear miranda?

          • miranda

            I have to keep in character Damaris.
            Though now that Winter Jasmine has offered me the loan of her hockey stick to settle a dispute, I am beginning to wonder whether I need to find a way out.
            What do you think?

          • Damaris Tighe

            Your cover has been blown I think. This is a conumdrum. Re WJ, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck … It may be best not to be courteous & ladylike but just ignore. Even ducks eventually get bored & fly away.

          • miranda

            Damaris,
            I think I will just drop Miranda.
            I rather liked her, but her time is up and we musn’t be sentimental

          • Damaris Tighe

            I think you’ll feel more comfortable in your real skin, or a neutral one 😉

          • miranda

            In my real skin. Yes I think I will

          • Winter Jasmine

            I don’t know what this is all about luv, but don’t
            drag my name into you little drama, cheers!

          • Winter Jasmine

            I don’t know what this is about, I said to the other lady I don’t want to be dragged into someone elses drama. As I explained to a trustworthy lady named Swanky I have a follower who seems to trying to find me and
            scare me away from blogging. He even reads
            other people’s comments where my name is
            mentioned, but I can put him off the scent.
            So I’d appreciate it if I’m not mentioned again.

          • Aberrant_Apostrophe

            OK, Winter Jasmine.

          • miranda

            Is everybody joining in this bleedin’ conversation?

          • somebodystolemynamefatboy

            Yes.

          • miranda

            Oh…. OK.
            But ask them to do it quietly will you?

          • http://freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com/ Sarah

            Good news to everyone reading this comment. I want to share my testimony on how i belong to the world famous illuminate fraternity society, and how i have become more famous, by acquiring huge wealth, riches and fame. Here is how my life changed. A friend of mine that was always giving me money, because he was very rich, wealthy, famous and successful. On one beautiful day, he said to me that he is not going to give me any money, that he is going to show me the way to be successful in life. So i was very happy, i never knew he was a member of the great illuminate society. So i was initiated to the world famous illuminate society, and few days later, i was awarded a contract worth millions of Dollars. Right now as i speak, in my business i am doing very well, i travel the world on business deals, i am now the one that gives money out to people, before life was so hard for me and my family. If you want to belong to us today? Send us an email now> brotherhoodilluminati6@gmail.com or call us on +2348133873774,,,,,,,,,,,,

          • John Galt

            Someone ban this (insert appropriate expletive)!

          • Winter Jasmine

            Just on this occasion thanks.I rather like my name Jasmine ( I was nearly called Lucinda)
            one of the very few occasions my mother put her
            foot down and she threatened to reveal that my
            father blackened his lofty family name.
            I nearly used Jasmine Tea as a avatar but decided on the above.

          • Winter Jasmine

            And thanks for not calling me ‘tele babe’
            a name that clearly spreads fear, don’t ask.

          • Guest

            I shall reveal myself as Lady Jasmine Cavendish ( Not Lady Dunn) she is a cousin with the same name, we are never mentioned by them. My father was a b&st%d in every sense of the word. Our family home is now in the hands of the national
            trust and I work for my living, thanks.
            I consider myself to be the aristocratic troll hunter of the blogosphere ( even have one myself).
            If I were a bird it would be a kingfisher and not a duck, who on
            earth would want to be a duck. My aura is turquoise and orange and not the colour of a female mallard, and I shall be flying around in the winds of change that are UKIP.
            I am going now and not because I am bored, I am never bored
            but because a girl must always be on the move, especially with a troll nipping at the heels of her hunter wellies.

          • Damaris Tighe

            I can see you’re having fun dear.

          • Guest

            Well I was hardly going to be a Tabatha with the Mitford sisters
            sharing the same gene pool and grandma swinging from the chandeliers. Father would hate the idea of any of us having fun
            he even kept snakes and lizard’s because they frightened my mother. They used to escape their tanks sometimes but I am sure he let them out on purpose, he really was an arsehole.
            He wouldn’t even allow us to go to school, apart from a short
            stay as a day girl, us the fruit of his loins and bane of his existence were home tutored.

          • Damaris Tighe

            I’m just amazed you have so much time to pursue your complicated blogging hobby. It must take a lot of energy to stay in character – you sometimes fail by the way. Characters bleed across identities. Btw, I played along until I was sure. I always give the benefit of the doubt.

          • Guest

            Indeed. Jasmine’s Revolution, Jasmine Tea and Winter Jasmine are quite complex and have a life of their own and its
            quite tiresome finding new ways with Jasmine. But when I am
            Lady Jasmine, I am being myself and only she is allowed to
            reveal her family. The others are just character’s so it wouldn’t
            be right. But Lady Jasmine always reveals herself during the
            penultimate week. But unfortunately someone found out some personal stuff on twitter, the police are looking at e-mails and posts from this account. Trouble is I deleted a lot of them.

          • Damaris Tighe

            You forgot to mention the small furry animal that purrs.

          • Guest

            Oh the name game people play here, its quite funny, they seem to enjoy themselves.
            My troll ( I know his name, posts here too) And Isobel is an acquaintance of mine is aware of him, so someone is looking out.
            But seriously one needs to be careful when using real names
            on the Internet, as I have found out. My troll is also one of my followers. Although disqus have said he wouldn’t have got the e-mail address from them. But the account stays open until the other lot are finished with the investigations. I am drawing a lot
            of attention to myself which is unwise, but he will not scare me.

          • Damaris Tighe

            You are not consistent across your identities. Kitty was supposedly a Tory. You are supposedly pro-Ukip. Kitty loved Tele. You hate him. Kitty was cuddly. You are angry. You talk with your other identities on threads. Do you do this to wind people up?

          • Winter Jasmine

            I have read what you have said elsewhere and have told that poor woman whose trolling you are making light of and I have also told everyone else to come here and make their own judgements. You seem to think abuse is a joke and seen to be
            having a little game which is nothing to do with me.
            I am really not interested in winding people up and so would you be angry if someone sends you e-mails like I receive.
            And I’d like to point out that all the three Jasmine’s appear separately on this account so I don’t speak to them.

          • Guest

            I meant what I said elsewhere, I hope you read it.
            And if I come back as a forth Jasmine ( Jasmine the aristocratic troll hunter, has a ring) I’ll need help you know, so
            many trolls and socialists to defeat, but I’ll have my troll’s
            head on a poll by then.

          • Damaris Tighe

            You certainly need help.

          • Guest

            Another thing. Elsewhere someone called me ‘ tele babe’ when
            I told Miranda, she was a nervous wreck and came straight to you. I assumed tele babe was the troll and yes I hate trolls.

    • you_kid

      Rod is an obvious lefty. Only lefties can think as straight as this.
      Unlike those of us who have an issue with their gender, ey luv?

      • miranda

        It’s very enlightening posting under a woman’s name “kid”. Observing at
        first hand the cheap sexism of insecure, under- endowed dildos like
        you.

        • you_kid

          Now, where did that come from I wonder. You have issues.
          You just wanked at Rod in your comment and didn’t even notice. “Uh you’re so luvly ohh Rod ohh” … Dawg.

          • miranda

            Can’t hold your drink can you dildo?
            Come back when you’ve sobered up.

          • you_kid

            ya ya, ‘girlbloke’

          • miranda

            When you have sobered up dildo, go and look up the word irony in a dictionary.You know what a dictionary is don’t you dildo? It’s a big book full of difficult words.

          • you_kid

            you see, I have listened, learnt my lesson, streamlined all my processes and then you come here and lecture about non-existent irony.

            “Uhh ohh Rod,UR sooooo luvlay!”

            Your sentiment, not mine.
            I just liked the article because Rod’s an obvious lefty.

          • miranda

            “Uhh ohh Rod,UR sooooo luvlay!”

            So where did I say that dildo?

          • Major Plonquer

            People who call other people names are arseholes.

          • miranda

            “People who call other people names are arseholes.”
            You said it.

          • miranda

            Yeah, ok Plonquer, I wouldn’t want to make a habit of calling people names, but you have to understand that “kid” is one of those guys who can’t hold his beer. He staggers back from t’pub, turns on t’computer and starts braying like an inbred donkey.
            He’s a dildo.

          • miranda

            Still waiting for an answer to a simple question.
            Where did I say?
            “Uhh ohh Rod,UR sooooo luvlay!”

            I see you’ve hidden your posts from view. Frightened what I might see dildo?

          • you_kid

            at t’top.
            nope.

          • miranda

            “at t’top.
            nope.”

            Dildo speak pidgin?
            Noo, Noo Ma! he’s just slobbered over t’keyboard again Ma!
            Aye! But he’s soooo luvlay is our kid i’nt he?
            Look at ‘im lying there.
            A fine drunken inbred – just like his Pa.

            The Pride of Manchester eh kid?.

          • Ridcully

            Rod has too much self-awareness to be a typical lefty.

          • Fergus Pickering

            It’s got easy words in it too.

          • Winter Jasmine

            My grandma also thought she was a man, when
            we had social events, we’d lock her in the library
            Underneath the painting of great uncle Henry
            (It calmed her) the family wanted to send her away but were attached to her.

        • Darnell Jackson

          You should try posting under a black guys name.

          • miranda

            Have you tried?

          • Darnell Jackson

            Yes, my real name is Michael.

          • miranda

            Was the response enlightening?

          • Darnell Jackson

            No, thought I might get more stick posing as a sambo but on balance it remains fairly equal.

          • miranda

            “ironic” sambo perhaps?
            You might have survived.

          • Swanky

            You should have tried LeShaun or Roddy McDowall X (like Malcolm X only campier and more fun). Possibly everyone just thinks you’re a normal person: I did!

          • Darnell Jackson

            Thanks Swanky, that’s the first time I have encountered someone who thinks I’m normal

          • Swanky

            That made me burst out laughing!

          • Darnell Jackson

            That’s nice to know, have a great evening

    • Hegelguy

      Only if you have plenty of treasure to start with, preferably robbed.

  • John Smith

    The one that gets most peoples goat is
    ‘Lessons will be Learned’, normally spoken in the public sector, after some poor person(s) have died on their watch.
    Examples are poor Victoria Climbie & then BabyP, in hapless Haringey & the MidStaffs tragedy.

    The issue is that those who say it have no idea how to make sure it never happens again. They normally deal with the symptoms, rather than the root cause

    • Barry

      Or “we’re going to draw a line in the sand under that”, meaning it hasn’t been dealt with but we’ve got better things to be getting on with.

    • GraveDave

      Yes, it’s such a lazy cliche even the hardworking Tories have picked up on it.

    • RaymondDance

      ‘Lessons will be Learned’ is a polite way of saying ‘no-one is going to resign over this, even less get the sack, however much fuss you make – so fuck off and bury your dead’.

      • John Smith

        Yeah Andy Burnham over MidStaffs comes to mind, or Denis MacShane over the Rotherham Abuse

        • http://freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com/ Sarah

          Good news to everyone reading this comment. I want to share my testimony on how i belong to the world famous illuminate fraternity society, and how i have become more famous, by acquiring huge wealth, riches and fame. Here is how my life changed. A friend of mine that was always giving me money, because he was very rich, wealthy, famous and successful. On one beautiful day, he said to me that he is not going to give me any money, that he is going to show me the way to be successful in life. So i was very happy, i never knew he was a member of the great illuminate society. So i was initiated to the world famous illuminate society, and few days later, i was awarded a contract worth millions of Dollars. Right now as i speak, in my business i am doing very well, i travel the world on business deals, i am now the one that gives money out to people, before life was so hard for me and my family. If you want to belong to us today? Send us an email now> brotherhoodilluminati6@gmail.com or call us on +2348133873774

          • Ed  

            a) What are you smoking?
            b) Where can I get some?

          • kevinlynch1005

            Well, it’s a Nigerian number, so I’d expect you’d get some in Lagos. Or maybe you’d just be scammed by this idiot!

          • P_S_W

            “On one beautiful day, he said to me that he is not going to give me any money, that he is going to show me the way to be successful in life.”
            Did he tell you where the jobcentre was?

          • Hexhamgeezer

            I don’t want to join but have you got £13k spare? I need some new windows or a 2nd hand Avensis – cheers.

          • A_Sound_Bite

            Please illuminati me about this society of successful and wealthy people.

      • John Galt

        Hear, Hear!

    • Father Onabit

      As long as any lessons learned lead to ‘robust’ policies being put in place so ‘going forward’ things like this can never happen again.

      And why has everyone started beginning a sentence with the word ‘so’?

      • Kennie

        So you know where they are coming from.

        • balance_and_reason

          moving forward

          • Shibes_Meadow

            At the end of the day, I pick the low-hanging fruit, then jet off to fight fires. Whatevs, amirite? Awesome!

        • Ace

          That is perfect!!!

      • njt55

        So, I think it’s because they don’t really know what they’re talking about.

    • mandelson

      LWBL is usually followed by “we have put new procedures in place since (horrific neglect/death/torture)” ie. “dont worry about it everything is under control and we really care” Sickening.

  • XH558

    Utterly brilliant.

  • Michael Kingscott

    Bang on, hear hear, etc. 🙂

  • Blindsideflanker

    You missed enriched.

    • GraveDave

      ‘Religion of Peace’ -another of Rod’s faves.

  • Arthur Thistlewood

    Good stuff but let’s not forget the suffix ‘-phobic’ (as in ‘Islamophobic’ etc.) used by political hysterics everywhere to indicate extreme disapproval of an idea even when that idea is based not on irrational fear (the proper meaning of ‘-phobic’) but on observation, evidence, inference and deduction. I hope, by the way, you can feel another regular column coming on, Mr Liddle – there should be somewhere to deposit stupid words and phrases for inspection.

    • Major Plonquer

      “there should be somewhere to deposit stupid words and phrases for inspection”
      Isn’t that what Hansard does?

  • John Matthews

    what term do you suppose we have for people who outright deny Anthropogenic climate change yet refuce to read any scientific material?

    • therealviffer

      By “scientific”, do you mean the sort of “science” that draws a temperature timeline which omits the Little Ice Age and the Medieval Warm Period?

      Or the “science” that predicates the “need” for the atmospheric radiative GHE from a flat earth, lit 24/7 by a half-powered sun?

      Or the “science” that “hides the decline”?

      Or the “science” that uses “Mike’s nature trick”?

      I love the look on a fear monger’s face when he realises that his faith involves believing the earth is flat. And they call us ‘deniers’.

      • Winter Jasmine

        Ah you mention the Medieval Climate Anomaly.
        The exceptionally warm period between 250 BC to
        400AD followed by the mini ice age.When warming levelled off, the solar reduction in strength caused by
        the sun’s rays not being able to keep the surface at
        a certain temperature. Which caused that Medieval
        ice age you mentioned.
        But don’t tell politicians that this warming and cooling
        periods happen naturally or they won’t say their other
        favourite saying- We are the Greenest Government 🙂

    • Uncle Brian

      Refuceniks

    • Sean L

      Empirical.

    • S Arse

      Refucers…?

    • rodliddle

      “Delingpole”.

      • Swanky

        A bit unfair! How much ‘scientific reading’ does one have to do when one knows that it’s rigged, tendentious grant-justification or outright propaganda?

        • rodliddle

          Sorry – just an affectionate poke at a great friend of mine.

          • Swanky

            Oh well that’s all right then.

        • Ace

          And vicious, underhanded attacks on scientists with contrary views.

    • Ace

      So the carbon dioxide man is adding to the atmosphere, excuse me, “dumping” into the atmosphere, is causing global temperatures to stabilize? Who knew? I refuce to believe it.

  • Boleslaw Bierut

    spot on

  • HorseBishop

    absolutely majestic! this is right up my Bahnhoffstrasse

  • Rhys

    I’ve hated most of Rod Liddle’s selection of fashionable or even meaningless words and phrases. Top of my current list of ghastly instructions is, “Check your privilege”.

    • Mc

      Or how about “intersectionality”

      • Tox66

        Minge.

      • Ace

        Or “cross cultural.”

  • Winter Jasmine

    Rod Liddle, that grey, lugubrious and badly drawn picture of you
    doesn’t have any connection to those words you have written above. It gives your phyche a negative energy and in that you
    resemble the wastrel and miserable old scumbag that was my
    father, so change it, please.

    • Winter Jasmine

      And excellent words, a bright start to a day, which should always be spectacular.

      What about- I have meet a person who is hardworking,
      concerned etc, Ed Miliband is always saying this.
      I wonder where he meets them.

      • FrankS2

        He scouts for them on Hampstead Heath.

  • Dr. Heath

    Rod. Did you check your privilege before you wrote this, you naughty, imperialist white bloke?

  • Fraser Bailey

    ‘Multi-agency approach’ is the one that always make me laugh – or throw my cup of tea against the wall, depending on my mood/time of day/Derby County’s most recent performance.

    Because you just know that anything involving a ‘multi-agency approach’ will be:
    – a complete disaster
    – a massive waste of public money
    – tried again and again with ever more ruinous results

    • Aberrant_Apostrophe

      My favourite synonym for ‘multi-agency’ is a ‘bunch of stools’, which can be interpreted as a collection of furniture items between which things can easily fall, or as the by-product of the digestive process.

    • Ace

      Coordinated incompetence and widely-shared ignorance.

  • Fraser Bailey

    Victor Klemperer, the great German diarist, compiled a Nazi lexicon that was published after the war.

    Somebody should do a Progressive lexicon. Well, I suppose I should do it, but I can’t be bothered.

    • mechris3

      The two lexicons would be remarkably similar in many regards.

      • Hamburger

        Klemperer´s is a wonderful source of black humour, I am not sure how it translates.

    • Ace

      Thanks for that most interesting reference.

  • Bonzo

    Excellent piece. Currently popular with the BBC is: “the left behind”.

    • alfredo

      Meaning the sinistral buttock?

  • Alan Burkitt-Gray

    One of the most fatuous phrases in the English language is ‘Rod Liddle’

    • miranda

      Alan,
      That’s a bit “wooden spoon” in the humour stakes to be honest with you.

    • Ace

      And the supporting evidence for your statement is . . . ?

  • Hope Estella

    State of the art

    • Aberrant_Apostrophe

      ‘State of the Ark’ is one of my favourites, describing something that is really outdated. Oh, and ‘contemporary’, used by estate agents to describe something that is simultaneously modern and old-fashioned.

      • Swanky

        How about *this* groaner: ‘Steak of the Art’? It’s a restaurant. Gag!

        • Ace

          Steak of the Ark would have made sense.

      • Ace

        “Contemporary” — has indoor plumbing.

  • countryfox

    Delivering change for hard working families……

    • you_kid

      vote blue go green

  • Sean L

    ‘Diversity’ is used to enforce uniformity of opinion.

    • you_kid

      I disagree.

      • Sean L

        That’s a truth condition, your disagreement.

        • you_kid

          what a diverse response, my dear fellow!

  • Damaris Tighe

    It’s ‘battling’ cancer Rod, not ‘fighting’. And some ‘lose their battle’, another cliche. You’re right, it’s a weasel word to fill a gap when the speaker has nothing else to say.

    • miranda

      Well picked up: A chap who had really done some battling, if only with a bottle of sancerre and a corkscrew, wouldn’t make a mistake like that.

      • Damaris Tighe

        They all seem to be screw top now so battling is out of the question, just a good unscrew.

        • miranda

          The world is going downhill faster than I thought.
          “just a good unscrew.” Is a phrase worth remembering.

          • Swanky

            Don’t get me started!

          • miranda

            Still, even screw tops are better than those plastic “corks” we have started to get. They just don’t “pop” in quite the right way.
            I’m retiring Miranda, she’s attracting attention.

          • Ace

            I hope I never experience it.

        • AJH1968

          How about diversity management consultant, I am almost sure they helped the previous lot spend tha nation into penury (a fatuous term for a fatuous position that helped achieve f……).
          My grandfather allways used to say to me ‘not worth feeding!’ And he was leftwing.

        • Swanky

          I like the glass closures. They’re nifty new technology and they make good ring-holders (for finger rings).

          • Damaris Tighe

            Never come across them. I like corks. I know they’re a ‘battle’ to remove but they make wine drinking into a little ritual. Screw caps remind me of vinegar bottles.

          • Swanky

            No battle (mostly) when you’ve got the right corkscrew. I thought I’d inadvertently thrown out our best screw and was thrilled to find I hadn’t! What I really like is the sound of a bulbous cork shooting out of bubbly. Adds a sense of festivity even on a weekday.

  • Luke McElligott

    I like this, I would add “inappropriatee” it get’s inappropriately used by po faced pious types to cast disdain on any behaviour in the public domain that does not conform to a rigid victorian idea of repression of thought and action.

    • rodliddle

      yes yes yes. Dead right.

      • Luke McElligott

        Thanks, I shudder every time I hear the word. Its like herpes, once its been said then the recpient is damned for ever..

        • Hexhamgeezer

          Whenever I hear it I translate it as “Effective so please stop showing me up”

    • Damaris Tighe

      Used by people with cucumbers shoved up their *rses.

    • FrankS2

      This typifies an unacceptable point of view. It’s probably also unhelpful.

    • Ace

      The leftist equivalent is “offensive” stemming from a rigid leftist idea of repression of thought and action. It invariably refers to a manifestly true statement of some aspect of political and social reality.

  • Marshal Phillips

    You omitted: please, thank you, and sorry.

  • http://oldebreweryrecorder.blogspot.co.uk/ RGtx

    What really gets my goat is “Centre of Excellence”, ofter seen describing schools or academies one short step from OFSTED special measures.

    • Aberrant_Apostrophe

      Is that ‘centre’, as in ‘target’?

      • http://oldebreweryrecorder.blogspot.co.uk/ RGtx

        “Centre of Excellence” refers to a methodology. So your pedantry may be a little awry.

        • Ace

          Sounds to me like a place. Center of the target doesn’t hint at “bow and arrow” or “rifle and bullet.” If I say I’ll meet you in the center of town I’m not implying you’ll ride your bicycle there.

  • Fenman

    To be honest…………almost always means spin is about to be spun.!

    • Pufferfish

      ‘To be honest’ always alarms me – were they not being honest up til then? I asked someone once, she was quite offended.

      ‘Going forward’ is one of the mot fatuous phrases ever conceived. It adds nothing to any utterance, although it is a reliable marker of an idiot.

    • carpetburn

      Or the equivalent “I’m not gonna lie to you”.

  • Davey

    Very, very funny. Perhaps Rod could give Matthew Parris a few pointers – the poor guy seems to be struggling with his ‘inner demons’!

    • Mc

      More likely that Parris is struggling to extricate himself from his fundament.

    • Adam Carter

      Not necessary. Matthew Parris is ‘brilliant’, says Fraser Nelson.

    • Hexhamgeezer

      .or inner Damons…

  • JSC

    “9. Vibrant” = “Prone to looting and rioting at the drop of a hat”

    • GraveDave

      Naughty.

  • Tim Reed

    Also – “Going forward”…

    “We’ll have to wait and see how the policy will be implemented, going forward…”

    I hate it.

    • mumble

      Are we all on the same page?

      • Tim Reed

        I think so, and that why it’s right that we’re saying what we’re saying.

        It’s the right thing to do.

      • gelert

        Speak for yourself. I’m thinking outside the box 😉

      • Ridcully

        … and singing from the same hymn-sheet?

      • Ace

        Preaching to the choir, more like it.

  • E Hart

    …. 11) Iconic – usually something exceedingly boring, badly designed or commonplace; 12) Loved ones – for family and friends; 13) Brilliant – of politicians, diplomats, academics… who’ve raised mediocrity to new heights; 15) Genius – anyone who is actually capable of thought but more often than not those who aren’t; 16) Entrepreneur – someone who has been forced to go-it-alone because most jobs now pay 13k per annum; 17) Hero – anyone who has found themselves in an awkward or difficult position for which common sense or the life instinct is required: 18) Cunt – used for people who aren’t and not used for people who are; 19) A level playing field – where all pretense at originality or articulacy is mown or rolled flat; 20) Consumer – a disenfranchised idiot who believes their worth can be measured in carbon footprints and by their next out-of-wallet experience; 21) Markets – another world where our fate is decided by criminals, fraudsters and charlatans (all immune from prosecution); 22) Can-do – a remarkable propensity for obeying orders and arse-licking; 23) Carpe Diem – when you applaud yourself for getting up and out in the morning without anyone telling you to or without accessing prescription medication; 24) People’s Party – any party entirely removed from the majority of the demos

    • Sean L

      Good one. I like how one can use the ‘C’ word with impunity yet when I dared to use the ‘F’ word to refer to nothing but cigarettes on a thread about smoking, it got censored. . .

    • Pufferfish

      ‘Coward’ – always misused by politicians. A suicide bombing is ghastly but not, on any sensible measure, the work of a coward.

      • E Hart

        Yes, and…

        25) Lessons will be learned – nothing whatsoever will happen and nothing will be learned; 14) Popular, sovereign, representative, accountable government or democracy – which precludes any of the above; 26) Esteemed – an often low-life opportunist, who having claimed expenses in one house, goes on successfully to claim expenses in the other one (often confused with 18); 27) Public servant – a person who cannot tell the difference between public service and self-service; 28) Being positive – an idiotic attempt to silence any discussion/and a euphemism by corralling all opinion into a myopic, orthodox tryst usually with disastrous consequences (e.g. austerity, the euro-crisis, the financial crash or any issue where reality is bent to suit an unworkable idea or ideology); 29) Change – a synonym for interminable stasis; 30) Halloween – a gratuitous orgy of fatuous retailing (imported from afar, although based originally on a Celtic/Brythonic tradition re. the harvest and honouring of the dead) now geared to hobbling the consumers before all the available readies are gobbled up when the MaerskStar that rose in the Far East finally docks over the Town of (Elizabeth) David in the land of Waitrose.

        I realised that something was not quite right when I stood in the doorway with the children to welcome a 20-something beauty in silver lamé hotpants and an abbreviated top into the house to dance a Susie Q number for the obligatory boiled sweets, flying saucers and Drumsticks to a dumbstruck audience.

      • E Hart

        25) Lessons will be learned – nothing whatsoever will happen and nothing will be learned; 14) Popular, sovereign, representative, accountable government or democracy – which precludes any of the above; 26) Esteemed – an often low-life opportunist, who having claimed expenses in one house, goes on successfully to claim expenses in the other one (often confused with 18); 27) Public servant – a person who cannot tell the difference between public service and self-service; 28) Being positive – an idiotic attempt to silence any discussion/and a euphemism for corralling all opinion into a myopic, orthodox tryst usually with disastrous consequences (e.g. austerity, the euro-crisis, the financial crash or any issue where reality is bent to suit an unworkable idea or ideology); 29) Change – a synonym for interminable stasis; 30) Halloween – a gratuitous orgy of fatuous retailing (imported from afar, although based originally on a Celtic/Brythonic tradition re. the harvest and honouring of the dead) now geared to hobbling the consumers before all the available readies are gobbled up when the MaerskStar that rose in the Far East finally docks over the Town of (Elizabeth) David in the land of Waitrose.

        I realised that something was not quite right when I stood in the doorway with the children to welcome a 20-something beauty in silver lamé hotpants and an abbreviated top into the house to dance a Susie Q number for the obligatory boiled sweets, flying saucers and Drumsticks to a dumbstruck audience.

    • English Aborigine

      18) Frankie’s Boyle immediately came to mind. Just look at his facial hair

  • GraveDave

    We all love diversity, don’t we? As used by the left it means ‘lots of ethnic minorities’. Quite often it is deployed to mean precisely the opposite of its original meaning. As in ‘the area is very diverse’, referring to a place populated exclusively by Bangladeshis.

    Incorrigible. But I love this guy.
    No, I’m not gay – (honest).

    • Damaris Tighe

      Not to mention ‘inclusive’ which means every institution must be made unfit for purpose, so that no one can claim hurt feelings because they can’t belong.

      • Aberrant_Apostrophe

        How about ‘institutional’, as in ‘institutionally racist’? If I were a Met police officer I would have seriously considered suing for slander and/or libel when the Met was accused of that. Mind you, the fact that no-one in the Met did speaks volumes.

        • Ace

          Is engaging in ruinously-expensive, pointless litigation a British national pastime?

  • mumble

    You forgot “apologiser”, which replaces the overused-to-death “misogynist”.

    It is an all-purpose slur applicable to anyone the cut of whose jib one dysthymically does not like.

  • Mark

    I’ve left the horrible job now, but I always did wonder if the berks there who used “going forward,” like there was no tomorrow, said to their other half at the supermarket, “Darling, going forward I think we ought to buy the value pack chicken, going forward.”
    I have a feeling they will be gleefully using, “Let me be clear.”

  • colin downes

    Fairness: Used by politicians when robbing people who are too polite to protest in the streets and whose votes are not needed at this time, in order to finance pet schemes not supported by most of the electorate or to bail out banks(bankers) home and abroad. Nearer the election the beneficiary group changes as votes are needed hence about turns on immigration/EU etc

    • Damaris Tighe

      Hole in one.

  • The Masked Marvel

    11. The Top 10 most……

  • ablanche

    Offer – as in that hag from Rotheram’s social services “Obviously we have re-appraised our offer to the public”

  • Julie Graves

    When I first read “Denier” I wondered for a moment why you were talking about hosiery!

    • GraveDave

      DENIERS: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
      Technically denier relates to the weight (i.e. thickness) of the yarn from which hosiery is woven, (in case you are interested, 1 denier means that 9,000 meters of yarn weighs 1 gram). Generally the lower the denier, the sheerer the appearance and the more fragile the tights.

      • Ace

        At last. I was being informationally challenged by these constant references to hosiery.

  • FrankS2

    Classic bog paper? That would be the shiny stuff called Bronco or Izal San – which ever side up you used, it was always on the wrong side of history .

    • Fergus Pickering

      One for up and one for down and one to put a shine on. Surely cut-up squares of newspaper make the classic bumf.

  • Myfanwy Alexander

    I loved these but was rather confused for a while by ‘denier’ which I mistook for a cliche based on the thickness of tights

    • GraveDave

      As a boy I used to be nostalgic for stockings. Now I’m an old man its tights.
      How sad is that.

      I doubt I’ll ever miss ‘leggings’ though.

      • Fergus Pickering

        Every man should have his rights:
        To pull down lots and lots of tights.

        • Damaris Tighe

          Naughty boy …

        • Airey Belvoir

          Rather tights than those ‘spanx’ type things girls wore to hold in tummies – by the time you had got your hand down them, all sensation was lost, as the blood supply was cut off at the wrist…

          • Fergus Pickering

            And serve you bloody right. Lucky it’s just your hand that drops off.

          • Ace

            I still carry the scars.

      • Winter Jasmine

        Tights are for older women in their 40s (with flabby
        bits to hold in and veins) At my age its stockings when
        appropriate.

        • Myfanwy Alexander

          I failed O-level biology but I am almost sure that veins are a life-long thing, not acquired in one’s forties.

          • Ace

            Good point. Like my army training sergeant who would say, “The first step of this exercise is to jump into the air and step two is to immediately return to earth.”

  • mechris3

    “Lessons will be learned”

  • RaymondDance

    Not bad, Rod. But what the whiney lefties say is ‘vunnerable’, not ‘vulnerable’.

  • ReefKnot

    When the Guardian and other left wing commentators, such as the BBC, use the word “Vulnerable”, I always wonder “Vulnerable to what, exactly ?”. But they never say.

    • Swanky

      Probably: vulnerable to the piercing light of reality — and to the chance that the real victims will call everyone’s bluff.

  • ReefKnot

    What about those phrases used by organisations such as “working together for your future” and similar fatuous sayings. They even write them on the side of vans. Does anybody believe such meaningless twaddle ? Perhaps “vulnerable people” do.

    • Sean L

      That’s a genre all of its own. How about this one I’ve just copped:

      Metropolitan Police
      Total Policing

      • Damaris Tighe

        If I lived in London I’d settle for just true policing.

        • Sean L

          Yes Damaris I’d be happy with impartial law enforcement. But equality before the law is now “right wing”, because the law breaking statistics tend to be skewed toward certain politically sensitve groups. And because the stats must satisfy political imperatives equality before the law becomes a casualty of identity politics. It’s all part of your guaranteed R.O.I. once you’ve bought into the multicultural package. . .

      • Ace

        The Gestapo and NKVD were into total policing as well. Good choice of slogan.

    • Damaris Tighe

      Whenever you see a slogan like this, rest assured they’re not doing it. Those who can, just do it, those who can’t write mission statements.

  • mandelson

    Rod – essential reading.

  • mandelson

    Cameron, Millipede and Clogg etc. like to proclaim that they are “really passionate” about something that no sane person would be passionate about.

    • Ace

      Passionate about cream cheese.

  • Samson

    I’m not sure why ‘diversity’ gets lumped entirely on the shoulders of the Left. Certainly there are limp-wristed goons who think everyone is the same and we should all join hands and sing nice songs forever, but the free market loves cheap labour as much as any actor likes skag, the cheaper the better, the less likely to complain or be aware of national employment law the better, and diversity is right up there with their defense of it all. Free movement because we’re all unique snowflakes, yay! Translation: give us poor people who will undercut people on a fairly livable wage, the type of wage that will buy luxuries like food for their kids, and will instead work for nothing and drive us all to the bottom, yay! The modern conception of diversity is bulls***, but even the furthest on the Right find it mightily useful.

    • Ridcully

      Remind me who facilitated this influx of poor peoplewho undercut…etc?

      • Ace

        Blair?

  • auntie julie

    I always thought “denier” was the measure of the thickness of a pair of tights!

  • Mr Creosote

    Rod, can we please have a grown-up conversation so that lessons can be learnt?

  • Patricia

    “. Vibrant

    Used as a synonym for ‘noisy’ or ‘thieving’. Almost always used in conjunction with ‘diverse’ (qv) and also…”

    Vintage Liddle. Bravo.

  • fundamentallyflawed

    For “Bravely fighting cancer” you could have just used “brave” and its companion “courageously”

    Good effort though

  • Samson

    Some of these points are very oddly made. Since when does liberalism or leftism suggest that all change, social or otherwise, is good? The Left position on the Royal Mail was to stay with tradition and keep the profitable post office on the state’s books. It’s right wing, free market ideology in that instance that said “f*** it, lets just sell it to our mates with a gentleman’s agreement that we know will be broken in an hour.” It’s apparently well within conservative values to sell all the silver for a handful of coppers, to ignore public opinion and increasingly privatize the NHS, to make tax compulsory only for people who can’t afford a world class accountant. And people accusing people of being on the wrong side of history – yes, a lot of idiot people on what is now called the liberal left think all conservatives are monsters. Those people are uneducated, reactionary goofs. Thinking of them as the lords and masters of the liberal left, and then blaming everything that ever happens on the liberal left, is to miss the point that they are apolitical, ahistorical and borderline nihilistic automatons. They represent the left as much as the screaming nutjobs of the EDL represent the right. Can we not dive so enthusiastically towards the adolescent-style bickering of US politics, please?

    • FrankS2

      We hear what you are saying, and we do get it!

    • Swanky

      I think you’ll find that what you sniffily call ‘adolescent-style bickering’ is what we fondly think of democracy. Who has more democracy — Brits or Americans? Exactly.

    • Andrew Smith

      Privitization is economic change, not social change. I have yet to find a society-maiming alteration which Liberals have not championed.

  • Suzy61

    Can you please add ‘the back of a fag packet’ before it has a chance to become entrenched. I’m already sick to the back teeth of hearing it.

  • Swanky

    ‘Vulnerable’, as used by Thomas Hobbes, used to mean ‘obnoxious’. Wonder how that change came about (Rod would seem to be arguing that in its effect, it didn’t).

    Yes, the Left loves ‘diversity’. Of looks, mind. Not of opinion or argument. Then they don’t like diversity at all but only conformity.

  • Swanky

    How about ‘brilliant’? What Handsome Nelson called Matthew Parris the other day, for no apparent reason.

    No. 10 really made me cackle. Brilliant!

  • S Arse

    We need a national debate… Always uttered by types who would accept a debate, a stitch-up or a full on cultural revolution with re-education and dissenters hung from lampposts as long as their view held sway.

  • Gerschwin

    Greater social equality = I would like to steal from the successful and give to the indolent and lazy so that they will continue to vote for me.

  • Swanky

    Anyone that uses ‘thinking outside of the box’ is not thinking outside of the box. What box, anyway?

    • Gerschwin

      Your box darlin’! Hoorah!

      • Swanky

        Are you being crude, sir?

        • Gerschwin

          I’m being an idiot. Sorry – it was too good to resist.

          • Swanky

            Oh I love jolly idiocy: no apology needed!

  • you_kid

    You must really really *hate* Grayson Perry and Russell Bland then.

  • Whatever

    Aspidistra conjoint ‘sans’ parallels twat.

  • flexdream

    add ..
    ‘Lessons have been learned’ i.e. nothing has changed
    ‘It is intolerable’ i.e. it will continue to be ignored
    ‘ophobe’ where is any precious group above and beyond critique or criticism

  • nibbledipoe

    You forgot ‘rape culture’ which means: ‘I want more rights than you now because of history then or I will accuse you of being the modern day equivalent of a witch’.

  • Rodney Vincent

    Among my favorite politician speak phrases are “Nothing is off the table”, or “we are considering all options” which broadly interpreted mean we don’t know what the hell to do next but we have to give the impression that we are on the ball and important decisions are about to be made.

    • Ace

      I interpret that as meaning public executions are a possibility.

  • R.Celica

    Saying ‘haitch’ when spelling a word containing the letter ‘H’.
    The BBC’s pronunciation people seem to be losing their grip these days.

    Also, saying ‘Absolutely’ instead of a simple yes, regardless of the nature of the query. Why use only one syllable when you can get in half a dozen?

    • gelert

      Incidences, often used when the speaker means incidents, very common on spoken MSM.

      • Damaris Tighe

        ‘Disinterested’ when they mean ‘uninterested’. Disinterested of course means unbiased.

    • Ace

      Exactamente.

  • mountolive

    Challenging, as in behaviour. Meaning, of course, bad. But, hey, let’s not be judgmental.

  • Sean L

    One term that I’d banish is ‘surreal’ when what is meant is something like ‘unreal’ or ‘uncanny’ or even *unusual*. How the f**** did that happen? Surreal!

  • Hegelguy

    “Vibrant

    Used as a synonym for ‘noisy’ or ‘thieving’ ”

    Er…you mean it’s used to describe Tory-supporting banking gangsters, the most grotesque robbers of all time?

    No?

    I thought not.

  • carpetburn

    “At the end of the day” is slowly losing popularity thank god.

    I hear “It is what it is” a lot now which roughly translated means I actually don’t really know what it is but I’m going to lazily replicate this popular phrase which is currently in vogue to make it look like I know what “it is”.

    • Ace

      I actually like “It is what it is.” But agreed on “At the end of the day.” Spare me. It’s cousin is the odious “Back in the day” as though the speaker were a grizzled veteran of something.

      • carpetburn

        All American phrases as far as I can tell imported via TV stations to the UK. I Apologise if you are offended by this observation as I know you are yourself an American.

        ‘Back in the day’ as far as I can tell actually comes from Black American hip hop artists, I first heard the phrase on 90’s hip hop records myself. Never use it myself and it’s interesting to observe trendy street style phrases in America eventually entering the UK 10-20 years later. Although this process is now speeded up due to increased exposure to TV and internet.

        • Ace

          No offense was taken and no apology is necessary, though I thank you for your courtesy. I went to a S. African and an English boarding school (BITD) so I greatly appreciate my delightful British cousins. Two people separated by a common language and all that. Yaroo!

          I wouldn’t have though that BITD came out of hip hop. There was some good that came out of HH, by the way. I saw some young people do an excellent, high-energy, highly-coordinated dance routine. That’s about as far as I ever looked into HH.

        • Ace

          Hmm. My first reply seems not to have taken. Nothing outre.

          No offense was taken but thank you for your courtesy.

          I went to school among the English for a period as a boy and have a special delight in your wit and subtlety.

          Strange that BITD came out of hip hop. Not my favorite genre but I saw a wonderful, energetic hip hop dance routine that was just amazing.

          • carpetburn

            Went to America as a kid want to go back again now for a holiday, would appreciate it more now I think.

  • JKV

    Made my day Rod.

  • andylowings

    We must touch-base and roll out some blue-sky thinking. To achieve and sustain is our goal. Excellence for all !

    • Swanky

      ‘roll out some blue-sky thinking’
      Are you serious!!?? Cripes!! Never heard that one. Sounds like a bad Neil Diamond song (aren’t they all?).

    • Hexhamgeezer

      ‘Working Towards – aka doing a task.

      • Ace

        Dialogue together.

  • Toby Guise

    Pouilly Fume, Rodney, Pouilly Fume!

  • That Guy

    Politicians also continually employ, “…I don’t accept that/those figures/that analogy/those nude pictu –“, and the annoying, “Well…what I will say,” meaning I’m not going to say what I really want to say.

    • Ace

      “I would say” without ever specifying the conditions under which he would.

  • Noa

    You forgot ‘racist’ and ‘nazis’ Rod. These are still the condescendingly fashionable descriptions of choice in ‘cohesive’ Notting Hill for anyone outside London who doesn’t pay £2.4 million to live next door to a Pakistani family of 40 sharing a two up, two down terrace house paid for by the local council.

  • Swanky

    As my very astute husband has just pointed out — I won’t call him brilliant, though Fraser Nelson would: ‘The ideas of “diversity” and “multiculturalism” do not exist to protect the disfranchised but rather to tear down the West — and those perceived to be enfranchised’.

    • Ace

      Quite right. And to “disenfranchise” the diversity is to make them work for a living like everyone else and vote only one ballot.

  • Swanky

    And again we confront the eternal question: If Rod can create this coherent, rational, humane and realistic article, why does he still vote for Labour?

  • Andrew Smith

    Great stuff!

  • Mrs.JosephineHydeHartley

    Whenever i see the word “denier” I think of tights. But somebody mentioned ” rose tinted spectacles” to me the other day…which seems meaningless. I’d rather view things as a glass half full..but that’s probably because this reminds me of chocolate.

  • EricHobsbawmtwit

    You missed one. “Hero”. Everybody is a “hero” these days, so much so that the word has really lost any meaning.

    • Badjumbly

      Except for people who plant bombs and attack unarmed civilians, who are “cowards” because they don’t take on our armed forces face-to-face, as the brave sort of terrorists do.

      • gelert

        Surely you mean militants ?

        • Badjumbly

          Instead of what?

          • gelert

            Just a tongue-in-cheek reference to the BBC’s PC use of “militants” for terrorists.

    • Badjumbly

      The killer blow to the word “hero” was a television series a few years back called “Heroes of Comedy”.

  • Sally Forth

    There you go again whipping up another perfect storm.
    I guess if you’re contracted to write this stuff then doing nothing really isn’t an option.

  • Guest

    “Battling”, as in “Battling alcoholism or drug addiction for the last 20 years” is just a euphemism for “indulging in”.

    • Sean L

      True and I’ll be battling a serious hangover tomorrow. . .

  • Terry Collmann

    A clichéd attack on clichés – you wouldn’t think it possible, but Rod has managed to be even duller than the dull selection of dreary phrases he is attacking, each anathemised dozens of times before by writers far more lively and biting than he is. How long did it take you to hack out this week’s column, Rod? Five minutes? What’ll it be next week? An attack on feminists, or the BBC, or developments in English or some other topic thrashed to death on innumerable occasions in the pages of the Spectator or the Telegraph? I can’t wait. Oh – no, hang on. I can.

    • Swanky

      Nice deep breath in —- yes — lovely, and now a drink of something. You can’t have what I’m having: I’ve had it (unless you have Borsao and Evodia stocked in your cellar). Have a LOVELY weekend. xxxxxx from The Happy Place

    • GraveDave

      Perhaps it needs thrashing to death until death actually comes.

  • Callan

    Ah yes, community. When I was a child we used to have neighbourhoods. They were a lot more pleasant to grow up in and looked a lot different from present day “communities”.

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    (`’•.¸(` ‘•. ¸* ¸.•’´)¸.•’´)..

    «´ Thanks to Dr Brave ¨`»

    ..(¸. •’´(¸.•’´ * `’•.¸)`’•.¸ )..

    • gelert

      Confine your posting to the USofA, Inc. We have more than our fair share of nutters in the UK already.

      • Damaris Tighe

        The best way to deal with spam like this is to click on the flag in the top right corner.

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How to get back your ex husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend,

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} ,,.
    (`’•.¸(` ‘•. ¸* ¸.•’´)¸.•’´)..

    «´ Thanks to Dr Brave ¨`»

    ..(¸. •’´(¸.•’´ * `’•.¸)`’•.¸ )..

  • Mike

    I’d definitely add the following –

    Embrace Multiculturalism – From the left meaning we’re going to ram alien cultures down your throat until you choke.

    Bigot – Used by the new liberals to cover up their own intolerance of any differing creed, belief, or opinion by using it on others first.

    Liberal – Originally used to describe those with an easy going attitude to life embodying the live and let live view towards others of a different view. Today it more generally refers to liberals that practice bigotry.

    Racists – A general term used today by liberals & bigots to attack those debating the merits & downside of religions such as Islam.

    Political Correctness – The ability to assimilate & promote double think where criminal acts can be excused due to religious beliefs taking precedence over breaking the law.

    Progressives – An extreme form of liberalism in 2014 where instead of a laissez-faire view to groups that don’t hold your views, they demand laws to ensure only their views count.

    Lone wolf – Another re-definition of this expression by progressive liberals which used to refer to a single person who acts and lives on their own but now it refers to those motivated by a religion. Examples include, Michael Adebowale killer of Lee Rigby in London, Nidal Malik Hasan’s killing spree at Fort Hood, Isaiah Marin who beheaded a former classmate in Oklahoma, Michael Zehaf-Bibeau in Ottawa and Zale Thompson in New York.

    Religions of peace or evil – A very recent manifestation in the English language used to define religions as peaceful or evil when religion is purely an abstract concept.

    • Hamburger

      Asian

      • Mike

        Yep, I forgot the systematic corruption of that word by the liberal elite and politically correct main stream media like the BBC.

        Asian, was originally used as an adjective to mean belonging to or characteristic of Asia or its inhabitants and as a noun it meant a native or inhabitant of Asia or of Asian descent. Its main characteristic was the geography of various ethnic groups in that region and had no religious connotations at all.

        Now of course, its used to cover up Islamic inspired terrorism and uses a twisted blame game to lay those barbaric practices on every Asian person no matter what their religion or their actual geography.

        .

        • Hamburger

          What I detest most about the misuse of the word is the way it defames anyone who was bourn east of Basra in the hope that guilty few won’t be identifiable.

          • Mike

            Its predictable that the very thing (stero-typing) that the left constantly accuse the majority of committing is used by them all the time when reporting inconvenient facts that weaken their moral high ground.

            Prior to publishing the inquiry into those 1400 girls gang raped in Rotherham, it was Asians who committed those crimes and ONLY after blog sites and massive posts in the media clearly identified 90% of the guilty men as being Pakistani in origin, did the truth come out.

    • logdon

      ‘Bigot’- Term used by Gordon Brown to seal his own fate

    • Ace

      All good.

  • Major Plonquer

    There is one extremely useful literary tactic whereby one can take two of these fatuous devices and combine them into one that makes perfect sense. For example:
    “If Winston Churchill was alive today, he’d be turning in his grave”.
    Try it. It’s fun.

  • Scheveningen

    The word ‘community’ is used most egregiously when referring to diverse sexual minorities as in (and I heard this used on TV by police officer) ‘paedophile community’.

  • shupi

    “Challenging” – as in “challenging home circumstances.” Used by
    educationalists to explain why Jonny can’t read by the age of twelve and has
    just stabbed his teacher.

    “Inappropriate”- i.e. contrary to metropolitan left-liberal values.

    “Incredibly serious” – usually uttered by Yvette Cooper at the despatch box,
    accompanied by that facial expression she adopts of a ten year old who has been
    told she can’t have a puppy for Christmas.

    “Top priority” – used when something has gone wrong and as a stop-gap to include in a press release, whilst politicians wonder what the hell to do now – e.g: “The maintenance of a secure border is a top priority for this government.”

    “I’ll take no lessons from …” To be resorted to when your opponent has said something incontrovertibly correct and the only option is to hark back fifteen years when they were in office and dredge up some unrelated error they made then.

    “Resources” – taxpayers’ money.

    “Our thoughts are with their families and loved ones.” A catch-all concluding comment to use after someone has died. But you just know they
    will have forgotten all about it all within about ten minutes.

    • Harry Pond

      Yvette Cooper should be given some sort of credit for her incredible puckered up little fizog of despair- the faux stern look of disapproval at anything the oh so nasty Tory Party dare to suggest, especially anything to do with mass immigration which her party had nothing to do with.

  • Badjumbly

    Very good. The only one whose use I’d defend (a little) is “the wrong side of history”. It’s a badly made phrase, as I don’t even know what a side of history is, but we do need some quick means of conveying that the people who opposed votes for women, racial desegregation and the legalisation of gay sex were self-deluding, bigoted twits who tried to fight justice and were bound to lose and be derided by posterity. The same fate is already befalling the chumpions of non-progress who hurled silly arguments against same-sex marriage which had all the force of confetti. Until we can find the perfect phrase, we could at least improve “the wrong side of history” by changing “of” to “in”.
    I think any list of the top ten most fatuous phrases should include “the top ten”, but that’s just my personal point of view, everyone has the right to his opinion, and if people think otherwise, we’ll agree to disagree. There’s three more.

    • gerronwithit

      I was enjoying a littke light hearted relief by Rod Liddle then I had the misfortune to read your comment first and the shutters of misery fell upon me again.

      • Badjumbly

        Poor thing. If reading one comment can affect you like that, perhaps online comment boards are not for you.

        • gerronwithit

          Now that amused me!

          • Badjumbly

            I’m glad to have made up for the misery I caused you earlier.

      • Ace

        . . . roof shingles of misery?

    • Paddy Kilshamus

      ‘we’ll agree to disagree’ but you just called those who disagree ‘self-deluding, bigoted twits ‘. That is a high level of debate you are proposing isn’t it? Not sure we can rise to that. You don’t want debate you want words to silence any annoying opposition. You are very dissembling, the iron hand in the velvet glove.

      • Badjumbly

        I wasn’t proposing a debate at ANY level. I was expressing a view, and I certainly don’t expect to be able to silence those who oppose same-sex marriage. They’ll go on whinging for a while, even after they lost.

        • Paddy Kilshamus

          Fair enough but your description of those holding opposing views is very judgemental and dismissive. Do you really believe they are confused narrow-minded and foolish? Maybe they have actually considered the matters and drawn conclusions which happen to be diametrically opposed to yours and not held to spite you. Are you 100% certain of your propositions? Is there no possibility you might be mistaken?

          • Badjumbly

            No, there isn’t.
            Your description of my description of those holding opposing views as very judgemental and dismissive is very judgemental and dismissive.

          • Paddy Kilshamus

            Ludicrous response.

          • Badjumbly

            There you go again, being judgemental and dismissive.

          • Paddy Kilshamus

            Give me a coherent response then. State your case for using terms like bigot twit and self-deluding.

          • Badjumbly

            My case for using terms like ‘bigot’, ‘twit’ and ‘self-deluding’ is that some people appear to me to be bigots, twits and self-deluding and there is no law against describing them as such.

          • Paddy Kilshamus

            That is your right. I just find it a lazy, ill considered use of language which demonstrates a mind willing to be manipulated by the tides of public opinion which is manufactured by certain interest groups for a definite agenda. In other words you are not thinking critically and independently.

          • Badjumbly

            Even if, for the sake of argument, I agreed that my use of language was lazy and ill-considered, how would lazy, ill-considered language demonstrate that my mind had been manipulated by certain interest groups? I can use language like “self-deluding, bigoted twits” to express an view that is the result of manipulation by others, or I can use it to express a view that was formed through independent and critical thinking. That language does not tell you anything about how I arrived at my view. You are not thinking coherently.
            Well, this is all good fun, at least for me, but I must go shopping. Bye.

          • Paddy Kilshamus

            OK Bye, you limp-wristed pussified metrosexual liberal brainwashed cannon fodder. That was fun for me too.

          • Badjumbly

            Your parting comment was also fun for me.

          • Fenton!

            He’s one of the herd of ‘independent’ minds, Paddy.

          • Paddy Kilshamus

            He is pretty switched on though. Not your run of the mill liberal. He has a sense of humour too.

          • Ace

            Though descriptive.

    • FrankS2

      “wrong side of history…” Smug triumphalism.

  • Paddy Kilshamus

    We need a zero tolerance approach to these fatuous phrases. They are not fit for purpose.

  • ortac

    Vibrant and diverse – You can add another two words to the Fabian dictionary of enlightenment – ‘stimulating’ and ‘progressive’. The context in which they are used suspiciously infers the notorious final solution. The inescapable meteorite of Utopian peace, harmony and kindly gods-n-goblins.

    To me these words in collective usage sound hilariously like an enormous multi-ethnic orgy of blind and desperate nudes in a mudbath, Roman-style but without the wine and grapes.

  • mixodorians

    So basically any phrase that makes a right winger feel like his selfish sociopathic idiotic world is under threat?

    • Ace

      Once again demonstrating that analytical acuity for which you are no doubt renowned.

  • Penny

    Excellent!

    My list would include: “progressive”, “cohesive” and “taking you along on the journey”
    All of which are trotted out with awful regularity by anyone with a link to local government.

    • Ace

      “Taking you along on the journey” — in chains, presumably.

  • gelert

    He/she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    • Ace

      Or a “robbery gone wrong.” As in gratuitous execution of the children and the family dog.

  • Chris Quin

    Great list and commentary. I also would have includes “because it is the right thing to do” meaning you will all hate but I’m going to do it anyway.

  • Lydia Robinson

    “Non-judgemental” – another phrase that rolls smoothly off the tongue by the most viciously judgemental people you will find anywhere.

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    THANKS TO Dr Brave FOR HELPING ME GET PREGNANT AFTER SEVERAL YEARS WITHOUT A CHILD

    Hello everyone, am Michael Jackson am From Miami Beach, United States I need to share the good story of my life with everyone in this forum, that’s why am posting this little message. Me and my wife, we have been a barren since the time when we got married, I have tried all my possible best to get my wife pregnant after when we got married, We consulted so many doctors, and she did so many tests, but all the result says her Womb is very flexible and she may not be able to pregnant due to the flexibility of her womb. But not until when I traveled to New York City for my vacation when I met a spell caster who specialized in any kind of spell that help me out and change our status from a barren to a father and mother. After when I met this spell caster online, I told him all my problems and he promise to help me out. He casted a spell for me which my wife used for just 1 week, though am not the type who always believe in a spell before, but due to the shame and sorrow am facing, I had to submit myself to him. But believe me, the man really confused me with his power, presently I believe in spell because the spell he casted for my me really worked. My wife got pregnant after when we apply the spell as we were directed by the man ..the pregnancy has resulted to a baby girl some days ago. Incas if there is any woman who have a similar problem with my wife, you can just try to contact the man, and am very sure he will surely help you out. Just try to give the man a trial and I promise you will surely be happy at last just like the way me and my wife is happy now. You can reach the man through his email EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com or kindly visit he website http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/Thanks for reading

    • FrankS2

      Been “experimenting with drugs and alcohol”, JD?

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How I was able to get my husband back from those home breaker

    OMG…… YOU’VE TOLD MY STORY….. MY NAME IS JANICES WALLOCKS FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN DECEMBER LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE’S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER LOOKING FOR SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU, BRING BACK LOST MONEY AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I’M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO TEXAS, MY BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO… WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:, bravespellcaster@gmail.com ,or kindly visit he Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ THEN YOUR BROBLEM WILL BE SOLVE .

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How I was able to get my husband back from those home breaker

    OMG…… YOU’VE TOLD MY STORY….. MY NAME IS JANICES WALLOCKS FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN DECEMBER LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE’S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER LOOKING FOR SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU, BRING BACK LOST MONEY AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I’M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO TEXAS, MY BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO… WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:, bravespellcaster@gmail.com ,or kindly visit he Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ THEN YOUR PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVE .

  • FrankS2

    “Experimenting with drink and drugs.” Getting smashed.

    • Ace

      Battling a 747-sized meth addiction that has destroyed one’s career, family, and self respect.

  • TDrowry

    Europe was already a ‘diverse’ continent of different countries, languages, cultures, but the EU wants to turn it into one homogenous superstate.

  • Hamburger

    Strange that LibLabCon is not on anyone´s list.

  • Harry Pond

    ‘We must conduct a thorough public enquiry’ translates as – lets kick this issue into the long grass and hope it goes away whilst bunging some of our mates twenty million quid to produce thousands of pages of crap as a bonus.
    Of course ‘kicking stuff into the long grass’ could also be construed as a fatuous phrase.

  • thejbp

    Please keep collecting these and then publish them as a book. Rod Liddle’s Dictionary of Fatuous Phrases. I would so buy that book.

    • Fenton!

      Great Christmas present! With illustrations!

    • Airey Belvoir

      A book of these would sit well alongside Rob Hutton’s ‘Romps, Tots and Boffins’, the definitive collection of newspaper cliches.

      • Hexhamgeezer

        Aye – tots..whenever some little one is despatched by some untermenschen the red tops tag every kid under 10 as a ‘tot’ for a while.

  • disqus_JXTaH3N9kU

    “Window of opportunity” = An opportunity.
    “Awesome” = Reasonably good.
    “Tragedy” = The cakes have been left in the oven too long.
    “Diabolical” = Reasonably bad
    “No stone left unturned” = We’ll get to it next month – maybe.
    “Iconic” = A picture of anything that has been used more than once.
    Roadwork sign : “Delays may occur” = Absolute gridlock for the next six years.

    • gelert

      It seems that awesome is being replaced by the even more hyperbolic, “epic”.

      “Sadly”, is almost invariable used whenever someone has “passed” and is now “deceased”.

      • Fenton!

        I don’t think I’ve used ‘passed away’ in my entire life. It’s a ludicrous euphemism for the one thing you simply can’t be euphemistic about. But I suppose it’s a sop to those — and they are legion — that think we don’t actually die.

        • gelert

          “X isn’t with us any more.”

          • Fenton!

            That I understand better because it’s literally true. Whenever somebody that I admire dies, I feel that a good member has left the club.

          • Ace

            Has moved on to greener pastures.

        • Ridcully

          Actually I think it’s more of a sop to those who think that we do actually die, because they don’t want to be reminded that death is, in their eyes, The End.

          • Fenton!

            Yeah, could be. But isn’t it a hint that they have ‘passed to the other side’ — i.e. the afterlife, whatever *that* is?

    • Fenton!

      How about ‘restroom’, where we all go for a quick rest, of course %^[

      • gelert

        “Comfort station” 😉

        • Ace

          Washroom. Where we bathe in the sink.

          • gelert

            Seems you’ve been stuck on the throne there for the last three months.

  • Swanky

    Not only is ‘denier’ odious in the way Rod says it is, but we can turn it around and say that casually using ‘denier’ is guilty of the very smear it tries to make:

    But man is something different. He is a creature with the power of moral choice, the only creature in this life with that power. That is why I loathe attempts to liken anything other than other instances of genocide to the Holocaust. Comparing it to a disease or to global warming is a moral-category error that borders on Holocaust denial.
    — Jonah Goldberg, ‘What Monsters Portend’, National Review Online.

  • Sean L

    There’s one that riles me on the South London overground, a disembodied computer generated voice that normally announces train arrivals. But when the train is late or cancelled ‘he’ says: “I apologise for any delay this may cause to your journey. . “

  • Rudi Zygadlo

    ‘utterly ubiquitous’ is a tautology

    • Sean L

      it’s not a tautology – the utterly is an intensifier, like say “really”. If he said it was “pervasively ubiquitous” that would be a tautology beacuse they stand for the same thing. You might say the “utterly” is redundant because a thing is either ubiquitous or it isn’t. But we typically use such terms as “truly” “really” “utterly” for emphasis, and that’s all “utterly” is doing here, emphasising the ubiquity of whatever it is. . . .

      • Hamburger

        Utterly is a redundant word there and a waste of space (sic).

        • Sean L

          Utterly

          • Hamburger

            Completely

          • FrankS2

            Absolutely!

      • Ace

        It’s a superfluity. Something is everywhere or it isn’t. It can’t be more everywhere, can it?

        Sort of like “brutal murder” though I suppose some murders could be gentle.

        “Baseless superstition”?

        “Contemptible” BBC spokesman might be a redundancy, though.

  • http://coffeehousewall.co.uk/ Frank P
  • http://coffeehousewall.co.uk/ Frank P

    Saying actchewally in every sentence like ALL of Blair’s Babes. In other words trying to convince themselves that they are not lying to their back teeth.

  • FrankS2

    “I’m in a bad place.”
    Probably the place where your demons hang out!

  • SchtenGraby

    The use of the word ‘survivor’ when you haven’t actually been through a life-threatening episode, but rather have been stuck in a lift with Dave Lee Travis for 10 minutes or somesuch nonsense.

    It’s the tragedy porn equivalent of grade inflation…

  • Swanky

    Regarding no. 8. My friend mentioned last night that Obama says it all the time. Then today I get Jonah Goldberg’s article in my Inbox (no, Gerschwin, not that Inbox!), and he says the following:

    Obama fatigue is setting in. Indeed, I’ve gone from Obama fatigue through full-on Obama Epstein-Barr to end-stage Obama narcolepsy. I hear him talking, or hear some MSNBC-type rhapsodizing about how misunderstood he is, and I start dozing off like a truck driver who took the drowsy-formula Nyquil by mistake. “Gotta stay awake! This is my job!” But then 20 seconds later, Jonathan Alter starts telling me how misunderstood the president is, and suddenly orange traffic cones are bouncing off my truck’s grill as I somnolently drift into a highway work zone. You could fill a cereal bowl with broken glass and barbed-wire shards drenched in hot sauce right below my face. All it would take for me to use it as a pillow is a 30-second loop of Obama saying “Let me be clear.” His speeches are like whale sounds, but with less substance. I’d say they’re all white noise, but I don’t want to get called a racist.

  • Geoff

    I think the word “Denier” should be spelt “Denyer”. Denier is really about the thickness of stockings. There are lots of other words that, whilst correct, I don’t like the spelling of. For instance – if “till” is an abbreviation of “until” why has it got 2 l’s? I wonder where I can complain.

  • English Aborigine

    Talking Bo11ocks

    Encompasses all the examples mentioned

    There are some corkers that can get one steaming

    Golden Brown’s ‘ It’s in our genes ‘

    In the front row the tears were running down Vernon Coker’s face

    • FrankS2

      Talking Bo11ocks – that’s the male version of Vagina Monologues, isn’t it?

      • English Aborigine

        It could be construed that way

        Like Frankie Boyles face

  • FrankS2

    Curated. When they just mean compiled, arranged, organised etc.

    • Ace

      Hidden in the basement when it proves some inconvenient historical truth.

  • stearl33

    Toxic.

    • Ace

      Far-right.

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How to Get your husband Back after a Divorce or Bad Breakup

    Hello Friends all over the world this is my testimony about the good work of a man who helping me roster my broken relationship and marriage and my name is Wendy Streeter I’m from Florida,USA, i was married to my husband for 4 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids where so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster Dr.Brave testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just 24 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr.Brave and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr.Brave , i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr.Brave and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is bravespellcaster@gmail.com he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is bravespellcaster@gmail.com,or kindly visit he Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/Thanks.

  • Diggery Whiggery

    Using ‘denier’ to shut down debate on things that are utterly debatable has actually increased denial of the one issue that shouldn’t be.

  • DISEY

    How about “It’s the right thing to do” first coined (and forever over-used) by Gordon Brown. When almost always it certainly wasn’t …..

  • Airey Belvoir

    ‘In the next period of time” – quite meaningless, used a lot by Gordon Brown to promise some future action that never actually happened.

  • onthemark329

    One more word that has been over used and diminished in meaning: Hero. Everyone is a hero it seems, based on mundane acts and what would otberwise be expected behavior. Let’s reserve that word for the truly heroic.

  • Bluesman_1

    Citizen Liddle, why not just draw a line under it and move on? It could be the right thing to do, especially if you price in listening to the silent majority.

  • JNobleDagget

    Brilliant!

  • post_x_it

    Can we please add “customer” when what is meant is a patient or a passenger, as well as “engineer” when what is meant is a mechanic or a plumber.

  • disqus_tavhWBMzqO

    Great list: add “innocent civilians” next time, although that seems to be so universal as to be politically neutral.

    • Ace

      One of the best.

  • http://www.CaerphillyPreserves.co.uk/ No Good Boyo

    If I vote Tory, does that make me a Labour denier?

  • Rupert_Higgins

    What about ‘progressive’? Since when was being left wing synonymous with progress?

  • Albert Hall

    Add “stepped up to the plate” meaning ‘took responsibility for’. Presumably an americanism from baseball though I am not sure who occupies the plate, whether pitcher or batsman. In either case the man who saves the game. Possibly a reference to a heroic steam-engine driver, in which case it should be ‘stepped up to the footplate’. Should be abandoned on principle as an americanism, and replaced with a decent cricketing metaphor such as ‘stepped up to the wicket’ ‘went out to the middle’ ‘put himself up the order’ ‘took the bowling on this one’, and when successful, ‘stopped a fizzer in the gully.’

    • therealguyfaux

      “Stepped up to the plate” refers to a batsman put in to replace a weaker hitter when the situation desperately calls for his team to score runs; “Schlabotnik will really have to step up to the plate now,” i.e., approach his task with firm resolution, and get the desired outcome. I suppose you COULD replace it with a cricket equivalent, but it wouldn’t have the same under-the-cosh immediate sense that the baseball term does. Sporting metaphors are overused anyway, and their careless use often results in an own-goal.

      • Ace

        You hit that one out of the park.

    • Ace

      I don’t know why you object to “americanisms.” The “britishisms” here are screamingly funny to me. The French Academy decades ago wanted to ban “le box lunch” and “le weekend” from the by then-sullied “french” language. They soon found attempting to do so involved a stickier wicket than they envisaged.

  • http://twitter.com/WinstonCDN WinstonCDN

    True

  • http://granitesentry.com Granite Sentry

    “Escort.” Used to describe a “sex worker” (there’s another one) when they are a source or victim in a news story, otherwise just called a prostitute.

  • John Mountfort

    You forgot “hater” but, then again, you are writing a blog.

  • disqus_tavhWBMzqO

    Hey, Rob, do a rant on “beg the question”, would ya? And fortuitous v felecitous? It
    is not just politics, but ignorance.

  • Alltaxationistheft

    Can I add the latest politicisation of crime by those modern day ambulance chasers ,women’s single issue charity spokespeople. Women who have suffered rape are no longer victims, they are “survivors”

  • English Aborigine

    Out of touch

    I’m effing sick of hearing it

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  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How I was able to get my husband back from those home breaker

    Am Linda Henrik i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to England for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids where so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster Dr Brave testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what meand my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just 48 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr Brave and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr Brave , i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr Brave , and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is )(bravespellcaster@gmail.com)he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is (bravespellcaster@gmail.com,or kindly visit he Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/)

    HE IS SPECIALIZE IN THE THE FOLLOWING SPELL.
    1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) You want to be rich.
    (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) if you want your wishes to be granted.
    (10)if you want to stop your divorce.
    (11)if you want to divorce your husband.
    once again the Email address : bravespellcaster@gmail.com contact him immediately. ….

  • Smiffy51

    Heres Rod Liddle being fatuous about disabled in the Sun:

    “And being disabled is incredibly fashionable. The number of people who claim to be disabled has doubled in the past ten years.”

    “I think we should all pretend to be disabled for a month or so, claim benefits and hope this persuades the authorities to sort out the mess.”

    “It has become easier to claim those benefits, partly as a consequence of the disablement charities who, out of their own self-interest, insist that an ever-greater proportion of the population is disabled.””

    • CortexUK

      Oh dear, that went right over your head, didn’t it.

      See if you can work it out now I’ve pointed it out.

  • CortexUK

    Stolen.

    ‘doink’

  • zoid

    my pet hate is the term ‘street drinking community’…..when i was a kid they were called either ‘tramps’ or ‘p155heads’

  • Yale Cohn

    We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How to Get your husband Back after a Divorce or Bad Breakup

    Hello Friends all over the world this is my testimony about the good work of a man who helping me roster my broken relationship and marriage and my name is Wendy Streeter I’m from Florida,USA, i was married to my husband for 4 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids where so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster Dr.Brave testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what me and my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just 24 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr.Brave and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr.Brave , i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr.Brave and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is bravespellcaster@gmail.com he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is bravespellcaster@gmail.com,or kindly visit he Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/Thanks.

  • Pufferfish

    ‘Honourable’ when applied to politicians

    • Ace

      As in “not yet prosecuted”?

  • shupi

    “Survivors” – very topical this one, I’ve noticed recently they’ve started talking about “abuse survivors.” The motive of course is to equate themselves with holocaust survivors. “Yes, yes how you’ve suffered. Here, have some compensation.”

  • http://and-still-i-persist.com bfwebster

    Or one of my favorite phrases of all time, captured in this timeless Matt Groening comic from his “Life in Hell” series:

    http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/life-in-hell-mistakes-were-made.jpg

  • F Stop

    Teachable moments….

    • Ace

      Educate the public.

  • Martin

    And another one…”racist.” This used to mean someone who thinks their race is superior to others (generally White people). No it’s just a word used to dehumanize opponents and prevent the user from having to do any actual reasoning.

    • Hexhamgeezer

      Also the definition of a white person who won’t give in to an unreasonable demand from a’diverse ‘ person

  • Jerry Watson

    What idiot writes crap like this? First of all, only four of the six phrases are, in fact, “phrases.” It seems that not one single idiot who replied to this column even noticed that. Second, these are only examples of language that, in the puny mind of the pathetic writer of this piece, are somewhat overused, or used incorrectly. Help! Will people like this just simply stop writing for a living?

    Here’s a contender for a phrase this is abused to death….. “10 (or 5, 20, take your pick) of the most….” (and finish it yourself.)

    • Swanky

      Bad hangover this morning, Jerry?

    • Ace

      Thank you for sharing your views on the infelicitous use of the word “phrases.” That is what I call lasering in on the essential point of the article.

  • John Galt

    And how about ‘Embedded’?

  • rtj1211

    1. Hard-working (the latest Tory soundbite).
    2. ‘Transparent’ – a euphemism for ‘cover-up’.
    3. ‘In Britain’s National Interest’ – in the interest of the London elite.
    4. ‘democracy’ – that would be aping the EU and telling the voters they didn’t give the right result in a referendum.
    5. ‘accountability’ – that would be destroying the MPs’ expenses records after 3 years, so that all previous misdemeanours no longer have an audit trail.
    6. ‘role model’ – that appears to be associated with earning £1m+ a year and not caring two hoots if those that pay for your wages can afford to continue to do so.
    7. ‘independent’ – someone pre-screened to ensure the right result.
    8. ‘climate science’ – that would be fiddling data, using false statistics and forgetting inconvenient time points to plug an agenda of one-world government powered by windmills.
    9. ‘national security’ – that would be MI5 pursuing unaccountable actions against left wing people with the full support of the City, the labour party and the conservative party.
    10. ‘special relationship’ – broadly involves Britain doing what it is told and the US screwing around with whoever they want to.

    • Ace

      Most illustrative of excellence. 9 seems overly partisan in light of the continuing unfolding of events but, given the overall quality of your contribution, further action will be taken under advisement.

  • fbear0143

    Thank you for this most snide and snarky non blog. Seems your demons won out!

  • Sinceyouask

    When a politician begins an answer to a question with “Look, ….”, they are seeking to portray themselves as straight and decent. They really mean “You tiresome oik, don’t you know who I am?”

  • Davidh

    Mr Liddle writes some funny articles, for sure, but I do believe he’s taking the p-ss here, folks. “How can I wind up as many right wingers as possible with such a hackneyed theme?” seems to be his starting point. He “promised a regular series called ‘Fatuous Phrase of the Week’”. Really? He set himself up for the occasion where he could think of absolutely nothing more original to write about, more like, and still manages to get the 2nd most read posting on the site. Hats off!

    • Fenton!

      You don’t know what ‘right-wing’ means, do you, David?

      • Davidh

        Well, you could quibble about the exact parameters but I’m aware of the generally accepted meaning: conservative / traditional / reactionary. The kind of person likely to get wound up by the use / misuse of language that Rod highlights here. My point is that it’s a hackneyed theme with an entirely predictable response.

        • Ace

          Did you happen to note Rod’s witty discussion?

  • Dolly Smith

    Why the Seymour Hoffman photo? Why not a photo of Lynda Bellingham, who ‘bravely fought cancer’? You bitter cunt.

  • Davidh

    Fatuous Phrase of the Week? How wonderfully ironic, in fact. The award for Fatuous Article of the Week goes to Mr Liddle.

  • Guest

    rubbish

  • Guest

    what

    • Al Bowlly

      are the dustmen coming to pick up today?

  • JohnCrichton89

    Conservatism is always wrong ? Because it causes societal evolution to stagnate, now there’s a straw man you can beat up on for a while.
    Conservatism doesn’t stop the evolution of social opinion and moral growth of a society, it’s impossible for many reasons. Conservatism merely tries to conserve certain aspects of a society, to stop them from falling victim to the ebb and flow of social opinion. So we don’t have laws that change back and fourth annually dependant on which side of the political house had a good media campaign.
    To be conservative about implementing changes to the constitution doesn’t mean you can’t or wont implement changes, just that public opinion must be constant about wanting said changes. And until it has been well argued and the matter truly explored, the status quo will be as it has been.

    • Ace

      I’m down with that.

  • Kevins Garage Art Davis

    At the end of the day I give myself permission to celebrate.

    • Fenton!

      I hope you celebrate diversity!

      • Carney3

        And question authority!

  • Carney3

    Literally

    Frankly / to be frank

    Safe space

    Militant

    “[City name] man” as the headline referring to a terror suspect when his most obviously relevant characteristic is not his city of residence

    Undocumented / migrant

    At-risk

  • TRAV1S

    Expert – BBC code for this person hasn’t got a clue what he is talking about.

    Scientists say – but they said the completely opposite thing the previous week.

    Community Leader – the title of a person responsible for people who loot and practice arson.

  • logdon

    Rod Liddle who seldom misreads the cultural runes is that rare person who bucks the politically correct sway of our media and
    political establishment and breaths verbal illumination into the
    dankness of that dungeon of lies which serves these days as news.

    Guess what, when the ‘news’ is audited and edited by the cultural Marxists
    who inhabit that never to be questioned swamp of misinformation, it
    ceases to be ‘news’ and becomes instead, opinion sculpted by hands
    steeped so far in this midden that this drenching removes any doubt or questioning within their new bourgeois mindset and what can be true or what can be false suddenly becomes of no account because for them it is the only way.

    They know this but they don’t care because propelled by a groupthink
    prevailing wind, or should that be, howling gale, they sail along on
    this sea of small minded authority and officiousness and protected by
    the armour of their own elite they are untouchable.

    Liddle has broken ranks and the tokens and totems of cultural relativity where all things are equal except when they aren’t are fair game to his scribing.

    I say when they aren’t because for instance, those girls in Rotherham
    were far from equal, to be abandoned like disposable trash to a bunch
    of rapacious Pakistani’s who attained the Islamic double whammy of both
    having sex with and also humiliating vulnerable kuffar womanhood.

    That’s where the narrative lead to and still it goes on as if those ‘lessons to be learned’ only count when the perpetrator is part of the diverse cultural enrichment imported unthinkingly (or more sinisterly otherwise) by those who we trust to run and guide our nation.

  • Georgina_Crescent

    I am a denier of hosiery.

    • Peter Gardner

      Is a denier a collective noun in this instance?

  • John Kinahan

    Only half-wits used to preface every statement with “What I am going to do is…”. Now everyone seems to announce the obvious in this way. Annoying habit.

    • Ace

      It seems to me that you are correct.

  • Anthony Dinsdale

    Nice idea and sentiments Rod.

    “Boots on the ground”; “Spiralling out of control”; “The whole village is in shock” (something bad happened to a neighbour I passed in the street once); “I’m devastated” (Usually, An event occurred that years ago would have been described as a bit upsetting); “We are working hard” (they failed and now need a reason to stay in office; (“Name-you’ve-never-heard-of ‘s smash hit new album” -dreadful plastic pop crap).

  • Picquet

    I see that Mick Hucknall has demons too, (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/11219880/Mick-Hucknall-Have-I-slept-with-over-1000-women-Probably.-When-youre-24-you-feel-invincible.htmlalthough ), although in his case it’s from sleeping with thousands of women. Bastard.

  • Peter Gardner

    Very amusing and witty, Rod Little. Could be vibrant, too. Certainly lively.

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Rosie Smith

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