Hackette of the Week

Thursday, 6th August 2009

Let's hear it for Liz Jones - "funny, outrageous and downright rude" according to her employers at the Daily Mail - for this piece that, really, you'd think must actually have been written by Glenda Slagg. But, no, apparently it's not a parody...

I have long derided so-called 'spas', but the modern hairdressing salon is the female high-maintenance equivalent of being sent to Guantanamo Bay - torture.

The horrid black nylon gowns are just as bad as orange jumpsuits. Despite the trendy piped music, sleek interiors and 'massage' chairs (have you tried one? It is like sitting on a sack full of ferrets) the modern salon is still stuck firmly in the past.

The basins hurt your neck, the magazines are out of date and mind-numbing (salons never seem to stock newspapers) and don't even get me started when you try to book an appointment.

'When would you like to come in?' 'This Saturday at 4pm.' 'I can only fit you in next November at 1pm on a Wednesday.'

Well, why on earth did you ask, then?

The 'shampooers' - the girls and boys who terrorise your scalp - chat to each other, not noticing they're causing third-degree burns, before they whine, disinterestedly: 'Would you like some conditioner?'

Yes, of course I bloody would. And free coffee and water, and opening hours to suit a working woman, not a Fifties housewife.

Who can doubt any of this? Readers are invited to suggest other everyday items or chores that are the "equivalent of being sent to Guantanamo Bay".

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Time Alex Massie burned his bra

August 6th, 2009 3:31pm Report this comment

One hopes that having written this piece you are a very happy self satissfied Misogynist.

Liz Jones is self aware in her use of the simile you deride.

She is deliberatly using a reactionary rediculous example in order to catch her readers attention. Had a man written something alone the same lines about visiting a ladies hair saloon I am persuaded to beleive you would have chortled happily.

Paul L

August 6th, 2009 3:54pm Report this comment

My local Greggs has today sunk from being THE place to be seen in to being 'the equivalent of being sent to Guantanamo Bay' as they have run out of brown sauce which, I am informed, isnt even 'on order'. There's piles of the red stuff but this just wont do. Perhaps Liz could look into this...

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