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Monday 21 May 2012

Chris de Burgh is an Angry, Misunderstood, Man. Apparently.

Friday, 11th September 2009

From the Department of Criticism: the Irish Times handed my old Dublin University Players contemporary Peter Crawley the unenviable task of reviewing Chris de Burgh in concert. It's fair to say that his notice was less than generous...

Certain toes will never uncurl after this experience, but it is almost admirable how unaltered de Burgh has remained by the flow of time. You may have grown out of seeking epic significance in the portentous verses of Spanish Train, you may greet Patricia the Stripper with the same mortification as a faded photo of yourself. This is because you’ve changed. Chris de Burgh has not.

Not one to take this sort of thing lying down, Mr de Burgh responds and gives as good as he gets, earning, I think, a draw:

I rarely read reviews, but as yours was sitting on my kitchen table, and after three sold-out shows in the Gaiety Theatre, I thought I should have a look at it; after all, receiving a favourable review in The Irish Times is about as likely as . . . well, receiving a favourable review in The Irish Times!!
I was not disappointed. How the fond memories came flooding back, more than 30 years of them; you must have a Lexicon of Handy Insults, because you managed to use many of the same ones that have been used so many times before, and still they make me smile at their continued lack of imagination. “Small man . . . shudder . . . warbly tenor . . . mawkish balladeer . . . cringe factor . . . squeaky clean . . . snigger . . . cheesy” etc – yes, they were all there, as used by many of your colleagues before, such as Joe Breen (who, I note, has been put out to pasture in the wine section, and I am assured by friends in the wine trade that he knows as much about wine as he did about music – precious little. I wonder what they have in mind for you in your dotage? Searing critiques of primary school Christmas plays perhaps, or judging knife-sharpening competitions in Sligo?).

Being a theatre critic and not a music critic, you must have strayed into the Gaiety by mistake last Monday night, possibly looking for the rear entrance to Neary’s pub, but you certainly arrived with the word “prejudice” burned into your furrowed brow. How it must have galled you to hear the rapturous welcome I received at the start of the show; how you must have writhed at every standing ovation; how you must have cringed at every call of “Chris, we love you”; how you must have felt isolated as the audience rose to their feet as one, singing, dancing and shouting out for more; how you must have growled to yourself as you left, surrounded by so many happy people, to make your curmudgeonly way to the safety of the street outside. You really should look up the word “entertainment” again, you might be surprised to see that it is all about people having a GOOD TIME!! Your churlish review is an insult to all those who enjoyed their night out, and in these days of collapsing newspaper sales and an entire new generation on the way who will get their information online, you may be looking for another job sooner rather than later. Your pals in the pub must have loved your review, but it seems that you are universally loathed in the theatre world. A leading impresario has described you as “puffed up with his own self-importance”, and a much-loved and successful actress refers to you as “that loathsome little turd”. Great accolades, to be sure.

A much misunderstood man, clearly.

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cuffleyburgers

September 11th, 2009 3:51pm Report this comment

5-1 to Mr De Burgh.

I remember doing a turn to Patricia the Stripper with the sex goddess of Hamilton Hall wearing bra and panties, stockings and suspenders... one of the high points of my university career

seanachie

September 11th, 2009 4:16pm Report this comment

A small man indeed to sneer at the knife-sharpeners of Sligo.

That said, de Burgh's letter is strangely endearing, reminiscent of the R.M. Smyllie-Flann O'Brien-engineered 'Ibsen wig scandal' correspondence in the Irish Times of yore.

Mr Eugenides

September 11th, 2009 4:16pm Report this comment

Beautiful. This has done the impossible; given me respect for de Burgh.

Craig Strachan

September 11th, 2009 5:40pm Report this comment

"I am assured by friends in the wine trade that he knows as much about wine as he did about music"

To be fair I believe he's trying really hard to bring himself up to speed on the wine.

Ridcully

September 11th, 2009 6:23pm Report this comment

cuffleyburgers: re. the bra, panties, stockings and suspenders; did you keep them on the whole time?

Beefeater

September 11th, 2009 8:10pm Report this comment

You are shortlisted for the Teacup Award for spotting this gem of a storm.

Alan Scott

September 11th, 2009 9:36pm Report this comment

Beautiful riposte. The turd truly turned over.

Jeremy

September 11th, 2009 10:05pm Report this comment

Mr de Burgh clearly does a nice sideline in invective, himself. Perhaps he should become a theatre critic.

Less

September 12th, 2009 2:38am Report this comment

Oh how I wish to see more of this verbal sparring! It's fun, it's clever - and far more interesting than the "you're a jerk, you're a poopy head" crap we have here in the states.

Thanks for this!
(I'm a deBurgh fan, so obviously my taste is suspect from the get-go)

thethirdpoliceman

September 12th, 2009 12:10pm Report this comment

I'm from Sligo. I come from a long line of knife sharpeners. I hated Crusty Burger when it was neither popular nor profitable. Great to see that nothing much has changed.

Circuitous Cant

September 14th, 2009 9:51pm Report this comment

Course he's angry, he's had two caterpillars on his brow since puberty.

Matthew Wilson

September 15th, 2009 1:10pm Report this comment

Great stuff from Mr De Burgh. I'm afraid I can't think of him now without recalling the Sun's story (apologies if it was the News of the World) about his penchant for faith healing by the laying on of hands. The headline: CHRIST DE BURGH.

So much for turning the other cheek, eh?