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Monday 21 May 2012

Only One Word for That: Magic Darts

Thursday, 7th January 2010

Enough of this talk of national decline. We still do some things quite well and we should celebrate them. Darts, for instance. I've a piece on the PDC World Championships in this week's edition of the magazine (subscribe!)...

Darts, however, remains a Great British Success Story. For all that darting missionaries preach the gospel of the oche overseas, this country still reigns supreme on the dartboard. The rise of China threatens to overwhelm Britain’s traditional supremacy in snooker, but even though a Japanese darter won a preliminary round match at this year’s championships, Britain retains its comparative advantage when it comes to barrel-chested middle-aged men flinging 20 gram pieces of tungsten at a tiny target.

A trip to the PDC World Darts Championships at Alexandra Palace in north London offers a reminder that this country can still do some things rather well. Here the modern anthropologist will witness tribal rites peculiar to these islands. There, for example, is the authentic dress of the British male at play: large men dressed as babies, policemen, poncho-wearing Bolivian bandits, a gaggle of superheroes and, in the corner there, a chap disguised as a banana. Outside the arena, there’s a brisk trade in ‘Bellies and Bullseyes’ darts-shirts that will cover, if not flatter, even the most fashion-backward figure. Drink is sold by the pitcher and for just £15 the worst pizza you’ll eat all year is delivered to your table. It’s useful for soaking up spilt lager.

Whole thing here. My only regret is that the good folk at the Ally Pally had run out of Jocky Wilson memorabilia by the time I got there. Next year, perhaps. Certainly no-one has been a better, more quintessentially Scottish sporting hero these past 30 years than John Thomas Wilson, the pint-sized, pint-supping Pride of North Britain...

Also: Phil Taylor should be the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year. If Ryan Giggs can be given that bauble as a kind of Lifetime Achievement Award then it is disgraceful that the Power be snubbed each and every year. The campaign to recognise the Emperor of Darts starts here...

Filed under: Britain (737 more articles) , Darts (2 more articles) , Sports (69 more articles)

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PAUL GILBOY

January 7th, 2010 2:42pm Report this comment

is that not two words!

Michael Sweeney

January 7th, 2010 3:01pm Report this comment

I was blown away by the PDC event. Sid Waddell is always worth listening to, but the whole thing was raucous, entertaining and good natured. The darts were pretty good too. Jack Falstaff would have felt right at home. The BBCs BDO event is just grim by comparison - like going from the Champions League to a mid-table Unibond league fixture.

Stuart Seacole Smith

January 7th, 2010 3:02pm Report this comment

How refreshingly unusual, an entirely unobjectionable blog by Massie! I too enjoy a bit of darts on the telly, sipping a moderately chilled pineau des charentes, with a mini-pack of dry-roasted, or perhaps a chocolate orange handy. Who wouldn't?

But I'm not quite sure what the objective of this post actually was? To point out that even Massie thinks that something which can actually still be identified as British is still good for something? If so, thanks. Well done.

Tiberius

January 7th, 2010 4:40pm Report this comment

Darts is indeed a treasure in British culture. I used to play a bit and remember sharing in the chesse and black pudding sandwiches at the matches in which my Dad used to play when I was a kid.

I wonder how long the sport can survive, though, with kids nowadays almost physically conjoined to ipods and x-box 360s? That's before we get on to the smoking ban in pubs.

Still, England heroically batted out time for a draw in the Test again. Ian Bell should now finally have nailed down that no.6 spot.

Peter From Maidstone

January 7th, 2010 9:15pm Report this comment

One of my 10 year old son's best friends has taken up playing darts with his Dad in a local pub, and my son keeps badgering me to get him a dart board, but I don't want holes in his bedroom wall, or a dart embedded in one of his older sister's heads. (does that make it sound like his sisters have several heads - in the head of one of his older sisters - is that less ambiguous?) So I do not think that darts will die out soon. We are in Kent after all, so if we are still playing then it must be even more popular further north.

call me dave

January 7th, 2010 11:50pm Report this comment

Darts and snooker should be olympic sports - just shows what can be achieved with proper training facilites!

Stuart Seacole Smith

January 8th, 2010 9:18am Report this comment

Peter from Maidstone: Gwaan!! Give your son a dartboard. You know you want to. While leafing through the Argos bible this Christmas (kept me amused for hours) I noticed they've got some good deals on boards which include a kind of protective surround for your wall. So that's your main excuse gone!

Andy Carpark

January 8th, 2010 12:28pm Report this comment

PfM, Turkish uses genitives and possessives together, eg of-him sisters-thereof, to avoid such ambiguities. My best (though rusty) attempt at the triple-decker genitive-possessive is

On-un abla-lar-�-n�n bir-i-si-nin ba�-�

Of-him of-sisters-thereof of-one-thereof head-thereof.

= The head of one of his sisters.

And before I get my coat, I take back everything I said about Alex Massie being an ivory-towered ponce. He is a man of the people.