We're All Doomed

Thursday, 28th January 2010

As President Obama might put it, let me be clear: the Daily Mail is a terrific newspaper and one may admire its professionalism and the talent of its journalists (some of whom are friends, of course) without necessarily agreeing or even sympathising with its worldview.

But, if you were to only read the Mail you might be terrified of life given the long list of substances that, according to the paper, may increase your chances of dying a hideous, painful, cancer-riddled death. These include:

Artificial Light, Beer, Candle-lit dinners, Deoderant, Electricity, Facebook, Grapefruit, Hair Dye, Left-handedness, Money, Oestregen, Oral Sex, Plastic Bags, American Rice, Shaving, Space Travel, Soy Sauce, Talcum Powder, Vitamins, Worcestershire Sauce, Working.

And, of course, Being a Woman and Being a Man.

That covers most of us, I think.

Many more examples, lovingly collected, here.

Filed under: Health (217 more articles) , Lunacy (136 more articles) , Newspapers (360 more articles)

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Tiberius

January 28th, 2010 4:20pm Report this comment

... all of which pale into insignificance when compared to living under a Labour Government.

THX1138

January 28th, 2010 5:00pm Report this comment

�there should be a law against that�

Kittler

January 28th, 2010 5:16pm Report this comment

Don't know about cancer, but I sure there is a causal link between the Mail and disorders of the brain.

Peter Crawford

January 28th, 2010 5:44pm Report this comment

I will be fifty on Saturday. I have just cancelled the candlelit dinner. Many thanks for saving me from a terrible fate. Emma's a bit cheesed off but you can't have everything. Aieee ! I've just been attacked....aargh....

Rhoda Klapp

January 28th, 2010 6:21pm Report this comment

Those who rightly make fun of the poor Mail for these scares would be well advised to consider whether they believe in a whole bunch of others. Salt, saturated fats, trans-fats, a BMI of 30, CO2. All of these are claimed by some to be no more harmful that the other spurious threats to be found in the mail most days.