What’s for pudding?

Then he went over to the Deep South to discover that turtles were no good for turtle soup (why for 4,000 miles with a full team? I thought Channel 4 was strapped for cash). He returned to make mock turtle soup out of a cow’s head. Then there were crisped-up crickets and meal worms injected with mayonnaise and tomato sauce, a whole edible garden, including chopped black olives for soil, and finally fluorescent absinthe jellies that were made to vibrate by having built-in — well, vibrators, of the type you might find in Anne Summers. In future episodes Heston is to demonstrate a dish made out of a chicken sewn on to a pig, and a pie containing 24 blackbirds.

It was fascinating in a grisly sort of way, but I did wonder what the point might be and whether he shouldn’t spend more time in the Fat Duck giving the surfaces a wipe-down. I suppose the aim is to make us gasp and ask what monstrosity he is going to make next, and you do wonder what he can do for an encore. Here’s my suggestion: cannibalism. He could take the liver from that snotty waiter, bung it in the CERN particle collider, and see what comes out. I might even try it myself, on toast.

The Old Guys (BBC1, Saturday) is one of those sitcoms that got no publicity at first, but has built a decent following. Last weekend’s, set in a crowded Scottish cottage, was funny but not quite funny enough. You wanted to be helpless with laughter, but couldn’t quite manage it.

Finally, Andrew Marr is presenting Darwin’s Dangerous Idea (BBC 2, Thursday). He does it very well, and shouts convincingly. The BBC’s plan seems to be to have every single programme presented by either Marr or Paxman. The trouble is, they are good, and worth the money.