Scare tactics

Drag Me To Hell
15, Nationwide

Although there is much I don’t understand about people generally — why do some take so long at the cashpoint, for example? What are they doing? — one of the main things I don’t understand is why anyone enjoys horror films. The last time I actually saw one at the cinema it must have been when I was 13 and bunked into the Golders Green Odeon to see The Exorcist and, even now, I’m still pretty sure the devil is coming to possess me. He’s taken his time, I admit, but who knows what else he has had on his plate? The fact is, I’m easily spooked, and so absurdly squeamish that, when I nicked my finger while chopping a tomato the other day, I passed right out on the kitchen floor. OK, I wasn’t out for long, but only because I couldn’t afford to be. If the devil is after you, it’s generally best to keep on the move.

Still, after a 35-year break, I did think I might give horror movies another go, although, for the life of me, I can’t see why I thought that now. I may just be seriously nuts.

Drag Me To Hell is directed by Sam Raimi, who first made his name with The Evil Dead, apparently, and then went on to direct the Spiderman franchise and I think you might call this a ’supernatural curse’ movie. Would you? I’ve no idea, really, but that’s what I’m plumping for all the same. Whatever, it all kicks off when sweet loans officer Christine (Alison Lohman) refuses to grant another home loan extension to Mrs Ganush (Lorna Raver). Bad call, Christine; bad call.

Mrs Ganush has one staring false eye, rotting teeth, brown, gnarled fingernails and when she coughs she coughs out great gloops of phlegm. I’m thinking Mrs Ganush never went to Lucie Clayton or similar, but it is only a guess. Certainly, she doesn’t take the refusal well and, faced with eviction, damns Christine with the curse of Lamia, who turns out to be some kind of terrifying, demonic goat determined to drag Christine to, yes, hell. No surprises there. Where did you expect him to drag her to? Brent Cross? (I wouldn’t mind that. I always feel safe in Brent Cross, most particularly at the John Lewis end.)

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