FILM: George Lucas Finds Way to Cheapen Latest Hollywood Gimmick
Charlotte Gore
I've got some bad news for you. Are you sitting down? You may want a stiff drink. George Lucas is about to do something which will make you look back fondly on the Phantom Menace as 'that period when he had artistic integrity'. That's right: The Phantom Menace... 3D. But wait! There's more: Attack of the Clones... 3D. But wait! There's more: The whole stinking, turgid, awful double trilogy is returning to a multiplex near you, and this time it's not just added creatures, but an extra dimension too!
Yes, soon you'll be able to watch the Phantom Menace in a cinema, immersing yourself in three dimensions of boredom. It's be so realistic it'll be like being able to reach out and touch what it is that's disappointing you. Imagine, if you dare, feeling like you're in the same room as Jar Jar Binks.
Hmm. I may be making this sound too good. Nevertheless, I can write George Lucas' interview responses now, without actually needing to interview him. So, George, what made you want to re-issue your Star Wars "films" in the lucrative 3D format?
"Well I always imagined Star Wars as being in 3D in my head" he says, looking for all the world like he means it. "The great news is that the technology has finally caught up."
You feel your fists clench, an instinctual, primal, hidden part of your brain warning you of danger. See, George Lucas, if nothing else, is the owner of Industrial Light and Magic, largely regarded as one of Hollywood's visual effects companies. It's also fair to say that the only director in the world stupid enough to let Industrial Light and Magic experiment on their films and turn them into promotional tools for a visual effects company is... well... George Lucas.
Is it morally wrong for a scientist to conduct a human trial on themselves? And, really, does George Lucas actually count as human for legal purposes? A million bloodthirsty, furious Star Wars fans need to know.
Clearly George is still sore after Peter Jackson's Weta Digital trumped the rubbish CG Yoda with the unbelievable CG Gollum in the Two Towers. That was bad enough. Then James Cameron's Digital Domain manages to perfect a cost effective way of shooting films in 3D... and, of course, uses Weta Digital for all the wonderful, engaging and convincing computer generated characters.
Poor George Lucas is feeling a bit out of the loop. Of course, the potential profits from a reliable method of turning 2D films into 3D shouldn't be overlooked and may go some way towards explaining why, once again, George Lucas feels the need to rid you of your irksome nostalgia for your childhood.
But then, that's George Lucas' problem in a nutshell: Everything he touches becomes associated with shallow gimmicks that'll fill many wheelbarrows full of money before everyone suddenly feels a bit violated and ashamed.
I'm reminded of a wonderful line from a cinematic masterpiece (at least, compared with the Phantom Menace), Gremlins 2: The New Batch. "Coming soon: Casablanca! Now in colour... and with a happier ending!" That day draws ever closer.
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Comments
September 29th, 2010 7:20pm
AndyinBrum
I'm sorry, what are these Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones & Revenge of the Sith films that you talk about? There are only 3 Star Wars films that I acknowledge.
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September 29th, 2010 7:28pm
David Gregory
Sadly, George Lucas doesn't see the Star Wars franchise as anything but a cash cow from which every penny must be squeezed.
The charm of the first three films (by release order) was the lack of cgi. The newer films were to me a cgi-fest where the effects lacked the warmth. The joy of the Ewoks was that they were obviously people in furry suits but I wonder if they would have been the same if cgi existed.
Anyway, I digress. The frachise lost it's way once Phantom Menace were created. The move to retrofit them all with 3D suggests that Lucas has not got any original ideas and to be honest apart from stealing the plot for Star Wars and holding onto Speilberg's coat tails for the Indiana Jones films I struggle to think of a seriously original idea of his for many years.
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September 29th, 2010 7:52pm
AstorKaine
Speaking of crap CG-Yoda, I sincerely hope Lucas doesn't use this opportunity to replace the puppet from ESB and RoTJ with the CG one.
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September 30th, 2010 9:49am
simon
You're right of course, but I'll be first in the queue at the Imax to see it, and of course I'll come saying that was a load of bollocks. And I have no doubt when he brings out a 4D Smell-O-Vision version, I'll be handing over my hard earned fo that too.
I saw Star Wars at least five times in that hot summer of 77 . I'll forgive him almost anything (apart from Jar Jar Binks) for the excitement and pleasure he gave me way back then.
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September 30th, 2010 11:12am
AndyinBrum
Yes, but you like Radiohead's recent work, so we know what that says about your tastes & mental stability ;)
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October 8th, 2010 9:17am
Ean
James Cameron had a falling out with Digital Domain a long time ago. They had nothing to do with Avatar. The credit for "cost effective way of shooting films in 3D" surely goes to Cameron and Vince Pace & Co, along with -- as you rightly mention -- Weta Digital. And not without a small bit of irony a huge visual effects contributor was one of DD's competitors: George Lucas' ILM.
So while I agree with most of your article about why converting the Star Wars franchise is gimmicky, I hardly think Lucas is feeling too sore about Jackson's success :)
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