Jeremy Clarke

Jeremy Clarke writes the The Spectator Low Life column.

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Rats and flying slugs: what the world is like on Parkinson’s drugs

3 December 2016 9:00 am

My mother is a bore magnet. They travel from miles around to sit in the chair opposite hers and tell…

Billiard balls in a green pool table

The schizophrenics who taught me to play pool

26 November 2016 9:00 am

Six months ago I bought a garden chair on eBay. When I went to the address to pick it up,…

couple walking on foggy beach

My brother helped me face cancer. Now I must help him

19 November 2016 9:00 am

The day after the American people applied a very welcome touch on the brakes to the Enlightenment juggernaut, I went…

(Photo: Getty)

Reflections on boozing, whoring and self-mutilation

12 November 2016 9:00 am

I didn’t fancy the hotel breakfast, so I wandered into Arles old town looking for a café. The weather and…

Senior men walking, rainy day, walking cane.

The men who made us fat

5 November 2016 9:00 am

‘Look at them, they’re all fat,’ he said. I’d slowed the car to allow four children to cross the zebra…

(Photo: Getty)

A sea shanty for Donald Trump

29 October 2016 9:00 am

There were six of us round the table to celebrate Trafalgar Day. We ate the same dinner served to Her…

Bent fifty Euro banknote

A man with dementia is a man in tune with the times

22 October 2016 9:00 am

In 1999 I went to the doctor about the impotence. Don’t worry, he said. I have good news for you.…


From Glasgow to Provence: the making of a mongrel

15 October 2016 9:00 am

Six months ago Sally was living in a third floor flat in Glasgow. Then she was thrown into the back…

Saint Robert, Missouri. Anti-pornography sign.

I was a sex addict

8 October 2016 9:00 am

The first and only time I went to a meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous, this chap stood up and gave…

Prostitute at Atlantica avenue in copacabana beach, Rio de Janeiro

Should I take a hooker to Taki’s 80th birthday party?

1 October 2016 9:00 am

I stood in front of the mirror in the £61-a-night hotel room in Paddington, buttoned my polyester dinner jacket and…

Low life - 24 Sep

Canadian liberal or alien robot? It was difficult to say

24 September 2016 9:00 am

One side of the hostel overlooked Waterloo station’s 22 platforms. Trains departed and arrived at the rate of two or…

A Sunday Newspaper Exposes Keith Vaz MP Paying For Male Escorts

On Buddhism — and Keith Vaz

17 September 2016 9:00 am

Last week in Ladakh I went panting from one Buddhist monastery to another. Culturally, racially and historically, Ladakh is Tibetan,…

view of Turtuk village - Ladakh, India

A bit of Hardy’s Dorset in the Himalayas

10 September 2016 9:00 am

Ladakh, Jammu and Kashmir   This morning I was woken just before daylight by the clear ‘ting’ of a meditation…


I don’t mind nudity but this was a step too far

3 September 2016 9:00 am

A new footpath from the village down to the beach opened earlier this year to a great fanfare. It was…

Peaceful meditation

What we thought of Tibetan Buddhism before we got soppy

27 August 2016 9:00 am

Next week I’m going to Ladakh for a travel gig. Me neither — never heard of it. So I heaved…

Sidewalk Cafe

I just don’t get the French

20 August 2016 9:00 am

I took the only spare chair on the terrace of the Modern bar, one of four bars on this Provençal…

Two mischievous boys playing with dad

Single mums, I salute you: my grandsons are a full-time job

13 August 2016 9:00 am

At 11 p.m. I sneaked away from my boy’s wedding party to my ground-floor accommodation in the hotel to write…

Sheep portrait

The best way to shag a sheep

6 August 2016 9:00 am

After the death by boredom of the slow traffic jam, the agricultural-show field was an assault on the senses. The…

(Photo: Getty)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show Provencal-style

30 July 2016 9:00 am

We returned to the house early the next morning, on the way pleading special permission to pass through the police…

Firefighter Airplane

A bush fire nearly took our house - and our lives

23 July 2016 9:00 am

I sat down at the metal table on the shaded terrace to write a column. In front, ripening vines receding…

morning after party

How not to lay siege to a Frenchwoman

16 July 2016 9:00 am

One moment Trev and I were grooving on the dancefloor, Trev with his head bowed, his eyes closed, and his…

EU Referendum ballot paper

Danny fell 30 feet off a house and landed on his head: he voted remain...

9 July 2016 9:00 am

I walked into the bar and there was Trev standing in front of a giant screen showing Germany v. Italy…

(Photo: Getty)

Here’s one thing that I know Donald Trump is right about

2 July 2016 9:00 am

On referendum day, my mother leaned on my arm for support and we walked slowly and carefully up the steps…

Commercial airliner cabin.

In a rush to vote ‘out’, I shaved my eyebrows off

25 June 2016 8:00 am

Before dashing out of the door and driving to Nice airport, I gave my eyebrows a quick trim with the…

cyclist riding down hill

Cycling with a Provençal saint

18 June 2016 9:00 am

Michel is one of those Frenchmen one encounters now and again whose shining saintliness is beyond rational understanding. This great…