Jeremy Clarke rss

Jeremy Clarke writes the The Spectator Low Life column.


Forgive us our Christmases as we forgive those who Christmas against us

13 December 2014

After lunch on Christmas Day my father always stood at the sink in his apron and yellow Marigolds and did the washing-up. Rolling up his shirtsleeves the gentleman’s way, as… Read more


The best thing about travel-writing gigs is meeting other hacks

6 December 2014

The thing I enjoy most about travel-writing gigs is meeting other hacks. Hacks are almost invariably fun, funny, gossipy, irreverent, and they like a drink. They are well read and… Read more

Winner Arnold Schwarzenegger with Tom Parker Bowles and Mehmet Kurt

Smoking cigars with Schwarzenegger and Frasier

29 November 2014

The nominees for Spectator Cigar Smoker of the Year 2014 were: Ricky Gervais, Ralph Fiennes, Laurence Fishburne, Boris Becker, Jeremy Irons, Michael Caine, Boris Johnson and Arnold Schwarzenegger. And the… Read more


The criteria for admittance to a Maldivian cemetery

29 November 2014

Moofushi, Maldives   We clambered aboard a dhoni, the sturdy wooden boat that the Maldivians use for getting about the islands, and motored across from our high-end ‘all-inclusive’ resort to… Read more

Jeremy Clarke with Baroness Trumpington

‘Are you going out tonight, Frasier? If you are, don’t leave without me’

22 November 2014

An hour earlier I had stepped off a plane from Dublin and I was three-quarters deaf in one ear. I had a drink in the bar at Boisdales Canary Wharf… Read more

I nearly went lost my mind in southern Spain on the trail of Gerald Brenan

15 November 2014

Another writer I once liked very much is Gerald Brenan. Brenan served with distinction in the first world war and afterwards carted 2,000 books to Yegen, a remote village in… Read more

The recently retired Mark Amory and Liz Anderson

Bidding a fond, and drunken, farewell to the awe-inspiring Mark Amory

8 November 2014

Rubbing shoulders with political suits on the pavement outside the Westminster Arms, I drank two pints of Spitfire. Pump primed, I strolled the 50 quaint yards along Old Queen Street… Read more

Life in the trenches Photo: Getty

'My boy was my all': letters from a bereaved mother to a Somme widow

1 November 2014

My maternal grandmother (née Clarke) had six brothers, all keen poker players. All six volunteered to fight in the Great War, and only one, Sergeant Herbert Clarke, of B Company,… Read more

TUC Demonstrate For 'Britain Needs a Pay Rise'

Hello trees, hello sky, hello armoured riot police

25 October 2014

What a beautiful day, I thought, as I nodded to the porter in the bowler hat and stepped out of the Westminster hotel into October sun and wind, with a… Read more


The karmic rewards of becoming a vegetarian

18 October 2014

 ‘Is that you, Sister?’ It was Tom misdialling again with those thick, stubby fingers of his. ‘No, it’s me: Jerry,’ I said. I held the phone away from my ear… Read more

Former literary critic of the Spectator and founder of the London Review of Books  Karl Miller

I didn't really know who Karl Miller was. But I know how much I owe him

11 October 2014

As I think I said in this column the other week, I used to sneak into English lectures at University College London, while officially studying at the School of Oriental… Read more

New Zealand-born British writer Katherine Mansfield

Chatting up Katharine Mansfield

4 October 2014

I like the New Zealand writer Katherine Mansfield, who according to Virginia Woolf smelt like a civet cat and had a hard, cheap face, and who was the only contemporary… Read more

Miss Brazil 2012. Not pictured: fishmonger. Image: Getty

A visit to a drugs den above a fishmongers with Miss South America

27 September 2014

‘Stand outside the fishmongers in 20 minutes and call this number,’ she said, ‘and I can arrange it.’ On Saturday evening I was scrubbed up for a big night out.… Read more

St Barts airstrip

Low life does the high life: Jeremy Clarke takes St Barts

20 September 2014

First, we flew to the celebrity fantasy island of St Barts, one of the four French islands comprising the French West Indies. (The other three are Guadaloupe, St Martin and… Read more

Things could be about to turn ugly... Photo: ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images

A game of dominoes turns ugly

20 September 2014

I’m round at Amy and Bill’s for Sunday afternoon tea. Amy and Bill are my in-laws, kind of. When I was courting their daughter, I used to spend most of… Read more

Pigmy. Zaire. Africa

The bump in the night that changed my mind about pygmies

13 September 2014

Music of the Forest on Radio 4 last week was a profile of the anthropologist Colin Turnbull, 1924–1994, who achieved celebrity with his book The Forest People: A Study of… Read more


An undergraduate anorak at 32

6 September 2014

When I was 32, tired at last, for the moment anyway, of seizing the day, I stopped drinking and gave up smoking and enrolled for two A-levels in one year… Read more


Glazed tiles, a barred window: it must be another morning in a police cell

30 August 2014

In my late twenties, it was not unusual for me to wake up in a police cell wearing a paper suit. Waking to glazed tiles and a high barred window,… Read more

Reverend Billy Graham Photo: Getty

What I learned working in the lunatic asylum

23 August 2014

In 1984 I was 27. Since leaving school I had done unskilled manual labour, when I could get any. Then l worked as a nursing assistant and then a trainee… Read more


A road trip in the company of Long John Silver and an exciting pair of thighs

16 August 2014

I live in south Devon. Last week I went up to north Devon, to visit a friend who was renting a cottage on the coast for a week. Devon is… Read more


How I'm different without testosterone

9 August 2014

I’ve might have no testosterone. (My production is currently being stopped by injection once every three months.) But what I do have is a Fiat Barchetta, bought for a grand… Read more

Celebrity Big Brother - Contestants Enter The House

The indiscreet charm of Jim Davidson

2 August 2014

Le tout Torquay was there, cramming into the Princess Theatre with a drink in each hand ten minutes after the show had begun. I pressed in among them. Jim Davidson,… Read more


'Oscar sat and clutched his lunchbox as the practice nurse punctured grandad in the buttock'

26 July 2014

‘Oscar!’ cried Miss Herd as I arrived. She was standing at the classroom door releasing her charges one by one as the parent, or in my case the grandparent, arrived… Read more


I am walking to the Spectator party — sober, clean and in all my finery

19 July 2014

They do love a party at The Spectator. I was invited to four in ten days last week: the Apollo Summer party, the Spectator ‘At Home’ Summer party, the annual… Read more


Honesty, simplicity, integrity: not what I want the morning after

12 July 2014

Tap tap tap at the door. I opened my eyes. ‘Check-out 10.30,’ said a neutral or possibly slightly hostile female voice on the other side of the door. I looked… Read more