Melissa Kite

Melissa Kite writes The Spectator's Real life column.

'A breath of fresh air' (Photo: Getty)

From ponies to Jeremy Corbyn: Balham’s startingly posh militant left

22 August 2015 9:00 am

If anyone wants to know why the Labour party is about to elect Jeremy Corbyn as its leader then they…

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My local hospital is ‘listening to its staff’ – but not, apparently, the patients

15 August 2015 9:00 am

Surely it can be no coincidence that the road by which one enters St George’s Hospital, Tooting, is called Effort…

Real-life

Just call me Miss Whiplash

8 August 2015 9:00 am

The vet bill has been sitting on my desk for three weeks. All vet bills are cruel and unusual but…

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Charities are the last bastion of corporate greed

1 August 2015 9:00 am

Charities’ fundraising practices are out of control

(Photo: Getty)

I don’t do WhatsApp, and that’s final

1 August 2015 9:00 am

‘No, I do not do WhatsApp.’ That’s pretty much all I ever seem to say to people nowadays. They ask…

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Challenging parking tickets is my crack cocaine

25 July 2015 9:00 am

‘Cydney, we are not moving to Cobham!’ I told the spaniel in my best outraged Margot Leadbetter voice. What a…

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Watch your backs, everyone: I haven’t slept for three years

18 July 2015 9:00 am

Insomnia has a lot to answer for. I have not been sleeping well for years but a few months ago…

Hunting-ban

The hunting ban could be gone soon – but the hypocrisy will linger on

11 July 2015 9:00 am

With luck, the cruel, hypocritical ban could be gone by winter

St Anthony, the patron saint of lost things

The menopause lost my car keys

11 July 2015 9:00 am

Here is what I thought happened. I thought that as I tided my store room at the stables I put…

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House-hunting in Cobham has driven me to the verge of insanity

4 July 2015 9:00 am

This much I know, I never want to live in an ‘executive home’, and neither do I want to live…

andre

The question my mother made me ask André Rieu

27 June 2015 9:00 am

André Rieu is a demigod among classical performing artists – and my mother loves him

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Pampered middle-class pooches are in charge of their owners

27 June 2015 9:00 am

Why won’t the middle classes shout at their dogs any more? My suspicion is that the bleeding heart liberals, having…

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The police persecution of middle-class women

20 June 2015 9:00 am

Aren’t the police getting younger nowadays — and ruder, and scruffier and more intolerant of middle-class women? In other words,…

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The joy of anti-psychotic drugs

13 June 2015 9:00 am

The doctor eyed me suspiciously as I walked into her consulting room. ‘Ye-es?’ she said, nervously, eyeing me up and…

How can Stevie Nicks be 67? Is this possible or has Wikipedia made a mistake?

Unutterably thrilling: Fleetwood Mac at the O2 reviewed

6 June 2015 9:00 am

‘I can’t tell you what a thrill it is to get this chance in life,’ said Christine McVie, as the…

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The great Sky bundle boondoggle

6 June 2015 9:00 am

Foolishly, I have this wild notion that one day, if the stars align in my favour, I might be able…

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In the future we will all speak a new language called Predictive Text

30 May 2015 9:00 am

Andy the tech guy looked delighted when I told him I had done the stupidest thing ever. He is one…

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My podgy thumbs will never be iPhone-compatible

23 May 2015 9:00 am

You can’t always get what you want. And you can never get what you want if you want a phone…

Chuka Umunna: Future leader?  (Photo: Getty)

My rich leftie neighbours must be in a state of psychotic denial — or stoned

16 May 2015 9:00 am

The ‘I’m Voting For Chuka’ posters in my rich neighbours’ front windows pushed me over the edge. There is nothing…

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I only left Emily unattended in the open for 60 seconds

9 May 2015 9:00 am

In the seemingly endless search for somewhere nice to live in modern Britain, where parking is not subject to martial…

(Photo: Christopher Furlong/Getty)

Welcome to Miliband country: how Labour would wreck rural life

2 May 2015 9:00 am

A ‘progressive alliance’ would be a profound threat to rural life

This rabbit may, or may not, support the Greens (Image: Thinkstock)

Why I'd never own a rabbit hutch – or vote Green

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘I suppose,’ said my dad philosophically, ‘I could always vote Green.’ ‘Oh, for goodness sake! Not you as well!’ I…

Real

Maybe it is time to hang up my fighting boots

25 April 2015 9:00 am

As a wise person once said (or if they didn’t, they should have), there is only one thing worse than…

real

I’m just not cut out to be a local activist

18 April 2015 9:00 am

By and large, I’m not really sure the world is ready for me to join the steering committee of a…

Emergency Call

OK, Aviva, that’s well over £1,400 that you owe me

11 April 2015 9:00 am

After I phoned the Aviva call centre for the ten thousandth time, a girl called Adele had to sort it…