Tanya Gold rss

Kitty Fisher’s: proof that the PM has good taste in restaurants, if not in friends

21 March 2015

David Cameron is too cowardly, or too cynical, to debate with Ed ‘Two or Possibly Three Kitchens’ Miliband — which depends entirely on the breath of your own cynicism —… Read more

The Grill at The Dorchester - night time panels detail HIGH RES

Is the Dorchester the designated grand hotel for fat people? The portions at its new grill say so

7 March 2015

The Dorchester Hotel, Park Lane, is a cake floating in space. All grand hotels create a parallel universe in which their guests are returned to some great gilded and unnatural… Read more

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Rowleys is Did Mummy Love Me Really? food – and it’s perfect

21 February 2015

I think Rowley’s is the perfect restaurant; but I am really a gay man. Rowley’s is at 113 Jermyn Street (the Tesco end). It was made in homage to the… Read more

Alain Ducasse Photo: Getty

Rivea: a London annexe to the world’s maddest expensive restaurant

7 February 2015

Rivea (stupid name) is in the bowels of Bulgari in Knightsbridge, a hotel which looks like a vast Virgin Upper Class lounge. It sits opposite One Hyde Park (stupid name),… Read more

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Quaglino’s, the vampire brasserie

24 January 2015

Quaglino’s is an ancient subterranean brasserie in St James’s, a district clinging to the 18th century with cadaverous fingers. It was founded in 1929 by -Giovanni Quaglino, who once wrote… Read more

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Stephen Hawking is a mysogynist. And The Theory of Everything is a whitewash

10 January 2015

Stephen Hawking is a misogynist; and also, quite possibly, a narcissist. You wouldn’t know it from watching The Theory Of Everything, the new biopic from Working Title, in which you… Read more

Cereal Killer Cafe, Brick Lane Photo: Dominic Lipinski/PA Images

The real reason there’s a queue outside the Cereal Killer Café

10 January 2015

The Cereal Killer Café is a temple to cereal on Brick Lane, east London. It serves only cereal — and also Pop-Tarts, which taste like pavements smeared with chocolate — and… Read more

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The most preposterous restaurant to have opened in London this year

13 December 2014

Somerset House, a handsome Georgian palace on the Thames, was once the office of the Inland Revenue, and the courtyard was a car park, but that particular hell is over. Instead… Read more

The Old Coastguard

The hotels trying to turn Cornwall into Kensington

29 November 2014

Mousehole is a charming name; it is almost a charming place. It is a fishing village on Mount’s Bay, Cornwall, beyond the railway line, which stops at Penzance, in an… Read more

CBI Annual Conference 2014

There’s only one Alan Johnson (that's why Labour's in such trouble)

15 November 2014

Labour voters feel hope and despair; hope, because the Tories are doing no better than we, and despair, for that same reason. Left-wing politics are resurgent where it matters least… Read more

Mummy Exhibition Opens At The Art Science Museum

A buffet in an Egyptian tomb

15 November 2014

Atlantico is a vast buffet inside the Lopesan Costa Meloneras Resort Spa and Casino in Gran Canaria. The Lopesan Costa Melonoras Resort Spa and Casino — or, as I will… Read more

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Want to shake hands with your dinner? Beast is your kind of restaurant

1 November 2014

Beast is next to Debenhams on Oxford Street and it is not conventionally beast-like; rather it is monetised and bespoke beastliness, which is not really beastliness at all. It is… Read more

Gymkhana

Gymkhana is morally disgusting – and fortunately the food’s disgusting too

18 October 2014

Gymkhana is a fashionable Indian restaurant in Albemarle Street. It was, according to its natty website, ‘inspired by Colonial Indian gymkhana clubs, set up by the British Raj, where members… Read more

(Photo:  Frazer Harrison/Getty)

Today’s Disney princesses look like Russian mafia wives. This is their café

4 October 2014

The Disney Café is a gaudy hell on the fourth floor of Harrods, Knightsbridge. It is adjacent to the Harrods Disney Store, and also the Harrods Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, in… Read more

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Rextail: a restaurant for billionaire children

20 September 2014

Rextail is a restaurant for billionaire children, such as Richie Rich. Its owner, Arcady Novikov, has already opened a restaurant for billionaire men and their spindly billionaire wives — the… Read more

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Fischer’s is like visiting Vienna without having to go to Austria (thank God)

6 September 2014

Fischer’s is Austria made safe for liberals, gays, Jews and other Untermenschen riffraff, because it is a restaurant, not a concentration camp, and because it is in Marylebone High Street,… Read more

Rhubarb has the loveliest, craziest dining room I have ever seen

23 August 2014

The Edinburgh Fringe Festival: the city is full of glassy-eyed narcissists eating haggis pizza off flyers that say Michael Gove: Prick. I saw the Grim Reaper in the Pleasance Courtyard,… Read more

Scenes In And Around London's Soho

L’Escargot is Soho as Soho sees itself

9 August 2014

L’Escargot, or the Snail, is a famous restaurant on Greek Street, Soho, opposite the old Establishment club; the oldest French restaurant in London, they say (1927), and who am I… Read more

The Queen And The Duke Of Edinburgh Visits Derbyshire

Does the Duke of Devonshire really want to be my friend – or is he just after my bank details?

26 July 2014

The Chatsworth estate, Derby-shire. I am overwhelmed by marketing literature. I am prostrate. I am weeping. I am staying in one of the Duke of Devonshire’s barns, renovated into a… Read more

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Dean Street Townhouse – at last! Somewhere I'd pay to eat

12 July 2014

Occasionally a critic must review a restaurant in which they are prepared to spend their own money. So here is the Dean Street Townhouse. It is a terrible name, because… Read more

At the Chiltern Firehouse, smugness should be on the menu

28 June 2014

Here then is Gatsby’s house, after an invasion by the Daily Mail. It is called the Chiltern Firehouse. It is a restaurant in a newly opened hotel in a Victorian… Read more

Fera at Claridges

Something wild – well, wild for Claridge's – in Gordon Ramsay's old cave

14 June 2014

Fera is in Gordon Ramsay’s old cave at Claridge’s. His red and yellow room, like a ripped-off arm, has been annihilated; here now is ‘restful’ green, and food by Simon… Read more

General Views Of Venice As Hayek Pinault Second Wedding Plans Develop

Harry’s Bar, where a slice of cake costs €32 – and is worth it

31 May 2014

Harry’s Bar is a dull pale box. This is remarkable in Venice, which is a hospice for dying palaces, held up aching over the world’s most charismatic puddle; Harry’s is… Read more

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The rudest restaurants in London

17 May 2014

Wong Kei is a mad Chinese restaurant on Wardour Street, Chinatown. Until recently it was considered the rudest restaurant in London and, because human stupidity is without end, it became… Read more

The Cherwell Boathouse

After visiting the Cherwell Boathouse, I might spare Oxford from burning

3 May 2014

It is now two decades since I lived in Oxford. I was then a drunk and lonely puddle of a person, with only a gift for screaming; but no matter… Read more