Brown announces his agricultural policy

Thomas Cussans

This is too grotesque for words to begin to describe.

Mark

Splendid to see the direction his new press spin guru/PR guy is taking him. Hasn't this 'lets make Gord seem human' rubbish been tried before on one of his other many re-launches?

Alongside that visit to that nice couple yesterday.

To say that Brown is a 'dad dancing at a wedding' at this sort of thing is an insult to fathers doing the birdie dance everywhere!

Stepney

It is just UNBEARABLE. The audio-visual equivalent of 20,000 nails being dragged down a blackboard whilst chewing silver foil on a gaping, nerve-exposed dental cavity.

John Redwood miming the Welsh National Anthem was bad; this is JUST UNBEARABLE.

The man's an arse; we all agree on that but I'd quite happily hang the SPaD responsible for this - whoever it was has hung McDoom out to dry in the wind.

You could cut the embarrassment with a knife.

Oscar

John Redwood came to my mind too Stepney. He'll never live it down ...

terry r

Pure comedy. Genius.

steve

This is not the only thing he is out his comfort zone with, sound fiscal management of the economy for example !

Mike, Brighton

The Supreme Leader today visited the Margaret Beckett revolutionary mothers commune where he discussed farming issues with the mothers and joined in the singing of patriotic songs with the children. The Supreme Leader remarked upon the glorious levels of agricultural production planned in his next 5 year plan named "Building Britains Future"

From the Office of the Supreme Leader

biggestaspidistra

Why is he spending time with strange sect anyway? The one to his right is particularly scary.

Henryk Fisher

Wouldn't he better spend his time trying to fix the country??

patently

If I were the nursery worker who suggested that, I'd watch my back from now on!

A place in the Gulag is already set aside... if she's lucky.

Vimeiro

Out of his comfort zone? Whenever I see him touring the country he's always surrounded by children. They don't ask difficult questions.

Mark C

If only the mothers had chosen to sing a song by Brown's favourite band, the Artic Monkeys. I'm sure he knows all their songs.

Charles Flaccidwidger

Every one of those "little angels" will spend the rest of their lives regretting that not one of them was sick on the illustrious leader.

jeff de Cates

At least they were all singing from the same hymn sheet, the trouble was that it wasn't GB's songbook.

Wily Trout

Watch the kids' expressions. They know a thing or two - see the little girl trying to escape.

Bill M

It makes me uncomfortable just watching it. After every chorus(?)--I am not a musician-- he'd start to get up thinking it was over and then realized he would have to suffer another. He wasn't just out of his comfort zone, he was a galaxy away. Gross.

The Bellman

I see McSnotty is not participating in the weekend's gay pride march for 'security reasons'. More like insecurity reasons.

Mrs Brown *is* going, though. This must be another of those occasions on which he doesn't use his family for political reasons.

Rainer Unsinn

I suspect that the two teachers were Tory activists.

se1man

File under comedy? Or horror?

Obnoxio The Clown

So glad to see Gorgon doesn't use kids as props.

George Laird

Dear All

Why doesn't he just call the General Election.

Put everyone out of their misery.

It was fish yesterday now we are on to the potatoes!

I think we all know who the 'roaster' is.

Yours sincerely

George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

Rob C

I wonder if any of those children will remember him in 20 years when they are paying off HIS debt?

Old MacDonald

This simply beggars belief. Is Brown really treading in the footsteps of Palmerston, Gladstone and Churchill? Will the kind ladies there teach him how to count; take a nap when tearful and distressed; drink milk at bed time? There's something of the late afternoon about Golden Brown. Those toddlers will be paying for his economic debacle long after they reach pensionable age.

TrevorsDen

"Sorry - stop right there this sketch is getting silly!"

Nope - I am afraid I cannot pluck up the courage to watch this.

David Ossitt

The poor sick fool; he hated it, he hated the mothers the kids the whole dam thing.

What sane man would voluntarily go anywhere near a play school.

He is desperate. He must be in torment

cmp

my buttocks have got rigor mortis

The Huntsman

I posted this on ConHome this am but have now improved it slightly.....apologies to those who have already seen it.

1. It's a comic song about a Scotsman. Not something to be encouraged in case The People think singing comic songs about Scotsmen is a good idea just now.

2. It makes fun of a Senior Citizen. That is a Thought Crime. And if it isn't, Labour will create ten new offences making it one.

3. It's about farming. What Labour knows about farming could be inscribed on a gnat's kneecap with a one inch chisel, so no wonder The Great Leader feels uncomfortable.

4. It's a Traditional Children's song. Labour doesn't do 'traditional', indeed ever since Blair it has hated tradition and traditional with a vengeance. It would like to make Traditon an offence, or rather several offences.

5. It pokes fun at farmers and farming. Labour feels very uncomfortable at making any one feel humiliated or hurting anyone's feelings. Thus the song must be deemed not to be 'inclusive' and ought to be removed from children's songbooks and any songbook with it in must be removed from public libraries forthwith.

6. As well as being ageist, why did the song-writer choose a Scotsman? Surely that discriminates against such as Black Farmers, Gay Farmers, Muslim Farmers, Limbless Farmers, Welsh Farmers &co.[insert down-trodden minority group of your choice, upon pain of having the Thought Police come a-calling] There is, of course, no point in including English farmers: they are just red-faced Poujadiste fox-hunting Tories and so don't count.More importantly, why is Mr. Macdonald a man? Surely that discrtiminates against women?

7. It makes fun of the sounds made by our fellow creatures. Surely that is a breach of their rights? Whatever happened to Labour's Animal Rights Charter (or whatever it is called)? It is offensive to animals to make fun of their accent, dialect or speech and perpetrators of such outrages must be vigourously prosecuted under 'Hate' legislation.

8. Why is the mouse listed last? As a party Labour must stand out against this sort of thing and must be seen to be the party of the Working Mice. Just because it is small and defenceless it always comes last in the list. Under Labour steps will be taken by Harriett Harperson to ensure equality for mice. Mice have votes. Mice have votes in marginals. Mice breed like flies and that means lot more votes in future. Stuff the other animals.

9. Sorry about the last. We really mustn't talk about stuffing animals in case we upset Hilary Benn and Dan Norris @ DEFRA who only eat nut cutlets.

10. They eat nuts? Don't nuts have some rights? Shouldn't Labour look into the whole question of rights for fruits and vegetables and nuts? We must also look at the possibility of setting up an inquiry to deliberate on the need for a QUANGO to protect the rights of Fruit & Nuts. That QUANGO (we have already decided what the result of the enquiry will be, you understand) will then introduce a whole raft of new laws which aim to protect the rights of Fruit & Nuts and which we will roll out progressively over the whole country as soon as possible, after appropriate consultation with Stakeholders.

11. Who mentioned steak-holders. Steak is very bad for you and Labour will make sure that (a) your purchase of it will henceforth be carefully monitored through use of the Glorious Database (b) a special aisle will be introduced at supermarkets to shame those buying it (c) it will, because of our hopeless economic policies, become so expensive that you can only buy it with a mortgage. if you can get one, that is.

12. Besides, steak involves killing animals. We don't believe in killing animals, so the steak's off.

12. Talking of mice, whose interests are so dear Labour, there is a cat in this song. Cats eat mice, don't they? Worse, cats will play with half-dead mice before eating them. Indeed they seem positively to enjoy torturing mice. We must put a stop to this inhumane (or should that be incatane?) slaughter once and for all. We must be tough on cats and tough on the causes of cats. Labour will therefore promise that, within the first one hundred days of the next Glorious Labour Shambles coming into office, it will railroad through Parliament (using the guillotine and the Parliament Acts as necessary) a brand new "Cat Bell Act" requiring all cats to be equipped with a collar bearing a loud bell (for which a lengthy Statutory Instrument will prescribe lots and lots of rules about size, materials, decibel levels & so on and so forth) upon pain of extirpation of any cat found without a bell. Any little old lady whose cat is found with a mouse in its jaws will henceforth have to attend a Government Re-education programme to impress on them the importance of mice to the economy. And we shall know about every cat through the larger system of CCTV which we intend to introduce to every garden int he land.

13. There is a pig on this farm. The pig has to go. Otherwise no Muslim will be able to sing the song and might be offended by the presence of a pig on this elderly Scotsman's farm. We must do everything possible to ensure that any song which is part of our culture is amended to remove such offensive material so as not to offend other people's culture, especially those who might vote Labour.

14. Given all these different types of animals on the farm, there must be some foxes about. We suspect Old Macdonald has been letting Tory Toffs onto his land in order to terrorise those foxes by hunting them with dogs. We will soon put a stop to that by setting some Hunt Vigilantes on to his case: they will have him up before the beaks before you can say 'woof-woof'.

15. There seem to be a lot of animals on this farm. Have they all got tags? Have they all got passports? Has Old Macdonald filled in all his movement records and subsidy forms properly? Has he been paying all the tax on all those lovely profits he must be making on all this livestock? After all, we have promised to spend spend spend, so we have to go after the hard-working Old macdonalds of this world for as much as we can soak them for. Have any of his animals come from dodgy overseas countries? Hadn't we best raid this Old Codger's farm and arrest him under our anti-terrorist powers, keep him in for 28 days so we find out what he's really been up to? After all he is going to have to explain why he has all that fertiliser in his sheds: sounds like a bomb-maker to us.

16. How dare all these bloggers mock The Great Leader! We will put a stop to that by rolling out a raft of new laws regulating blogging, requring all bloggers to identify themselves in public, declaring their interests, earnings and expenses, how they voted in every election since they were 18 and so on. The we will set up a QUANGO to issue Blogging Licences and monitor the performance of bloggers like Fawkes, Dale, the Coffee House, The Huntsman, Hannan, Brogan and all the rest of those rotten right-wingers who cause us so much trouble. Members of this QUANGO will be Damien McBride, Derek Draper, Charlie Whelan, Alistair Campbell, Sir Michael White and Polly Toynbee. That will put stop to all this laughter. Whey they are all doing five years for Thought Crimes against Labour, it won't seem quite so funny, will it?

Edward

Now our Prime Mentalist has stated "Old Macdonald had a farm", I know that he didn't.
Another childhood myth destroyed.

Is nothing sacred ?
Next he'll be telling us there isn't a tooth fairy. In which case, I'll know there is.

Tone deaf

He can't bloody sing either.

Yorkshireman

Lets all sing along kids, to the tune of old macdonald...

Old MacBrown bankrupted the farm
Ee i ee i oh!
And on that farm there was some pigs
Ee i ee i oh!
with an expenses claim here and a second home there
Ee i ee i oh!
Here a claim, there a home,
Everywhere a big claim
Old Macbrown had a farm
Ee i ee i oh!

Daniel

I couldn't actually watch the whole thing.

The man has no shame.

What a complete joke.

Mike Smithson

As Brown said to the little boy;

"Don't bother growing up - you won't be able to afford it"

Little Angussie

It does your heart good to see all the children on the same wavelength - except the bot fat one with the black suit who just looks as though he has sh*t himself AGAIN!!

logdon

Did Old McDonald have a tractor?

Maybe Old McBrown thought he could talk stats?

Funny though that kids are still singing the old child comfort zone songs despite Labours scorched earth modernising.

That old lady who lived in a shoe, with so many children she didn't know what to do, obviously didn't know about tax credits.

And surely, would have been rehoused with half the brood taken into care?

Or was her shoe located in Harringey? In that case they'd all be dead by now.

Andy

Old MacDonald has a horse on his farm? Has it got a passport? It is microchipped? Has he signed a declaration he isn't going to eat it? He'll have to insure it in case it gets some vile disease that's escaped from a govt laboratory in order to pay for the cost of dealing with the outbreak and compensating himself. If it's a working animal it will have to have statutory rest breaks and if Old MacDonald is corpulent, he'll have to slim down to make sure he's light enough to ride it.

Ray

Old MacDonald had a farm. Then Britain joined the EU and signed up to its farm directives. Consequently, it's no longer "here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo-moo".