Party Non-Etiquette
Andrew Neil 5:15pmI gave two big Christmas bashes this year, one in London, one in New York. Both included friends who are celebrities, such as Joan Collins, Michael Winner, Tina Brown, Harry Evans, Candace Bushnell, Michael Heseltine and Emily Maitlis, as well as many more friends and colleagues who are not celebrities but who are always a joy to see at the holiday season.
Both parties were a great success, at least judging by the attendance and the jovial atmosphere: no doubt the plentiful booze and canapés contributed. I certainly enjoyed them. But a couple of things have struck on the post-party haze.
First, the paltry number of folks who wrote thank you letters afterwards: it's not essential but it is polite. True, a few grateful guests sent handsome e-mails, which is all that is required for good manners these days; one or two even mentioned it on their Christmas cards; but you wouldn't need the fingers of one hand to count those who wrote an old-fashioned thank-you letter. I suppose that belongs to a bygone age.
Second, the large number of people who said they would turn up but didn't. In the run up to Christmas, when there are several parties a night in London and New York, it's entirely understandable when people don't make it (I've done the same myself). London has also caught the well-established New York habit of saying you'll try to make it when, in fact, you are "banking" it until a better offer comes along. Even so, only a handful bothered afterwards even to e-mail and apologise for being a no-show, which is surely only polite and shows you don't take invitations for granted. Bad manners: their position on next year's guest list will be reviewed.
Third, and worst, those who didn't even reply to the invitations. I know they got the invite because my office contacted their office to elicit a response in the days before the party. They are off the list altogether!
Now: let's see how my New Year's guests in France respond in early January ... I'm not holding my breath.
Previous
Comments
Philip Chaston
December 26th, 2007 10:15pmThe first invitation that one accepts should always stand. Banking an invitation in the hope of a better offer is the most dishonest response of all.
billy
December 26th, 2007 11:19pmWhy don't you fill the places of the no shows with homeless folk? There is enough of them in London and New York. Mind you, they might be hoping for a better offer.
Johnny Norfolk
December 26th, 2007 11:47pmWe would always send a note of thanks, but few do. I would have a top dinner party next year only inviting the ones that wrote and thanked you this time.
Patrick
December 27th, 2007 12:46amIf you send me a Daily Politics mug Andrew, I promise to write a thank-you letter.
Adrian Bailey
December 27th, 2007 3:25amIf you invite me, I promise to come, and to write you a thank-you afterwards. Keep up the good work, Adrian
Tim Hedges
December 27th, 2007 9:07am'plentiful booze and canapes' suggests we are talking about a drinks party, or 'stand up and shout', for which it is not recognised etiquette to send a thank you. You should send a note after a dinner party.
punkscience
December 27th, 2007 10:48amhow conceited! I thought you conservatives were all about "competition", too.
A J Scott
December 27th, 2007 11:09amGive up giving parties: if the result is that you have to check who accepted, came or didn't come etc, what's the point? Just put the money you don't spend (note: not "save") to a useful charity which will give some food (and some pleasure without social guilt) to people who need it.
Jim Mcleod
December 27th, 2007 12:07pmI think the BBC is paying you far too much if you can afford to host all these party's at the licence payers expense
Alan Hill
December 27th, 2007 1:01pm[QUOTE]I gave two big Christmas bashes this year, one in London, one in New York. Both included friends who are celebrities, such as Joan Collins, Michael Winner, Tina Brown, Harry Evans, Candace Bushnell, Michael Heseltine and Emily Maitlis, as well as many more friends and colleagues who are not celebrities but who are always a joy to see at the holiday season.[/QUOTE] Come a long way from Paisley haven't we.
Michael St George
December 27th, 2007 2:11pmOne wonders what the point of this piece actually was - to point out the increasing disinclination of guests to send even the most rudimentary expression of thanks (true, but hardly an earth-shattering revelation), or to provide Mr Neil with a vehicle for a bit of gratuitous name-dropping and location-dropping, presumably so that we proles, struggling with invitation-conflict no more far-flung than that between Godmother in Godalming and Daughter in Dorchester, will reflect on the inadequacy in comparison of our own geographically-challenged social milieu........ Personally I can imagine few things more ghastly than a Christmas drinkies do in the presence of Heseltine and Winner - whatever the location.
host and guest
December 27th, 2007 4:02pmOne doesn't send written thank you's after a drinks party. Whatever gave you the idea that people should? Did you host the party out of your own pocket?
Osama the Nazrene
December 27th, 2007 4:49pmThe Gospels spring to mind.
A Speccie subscriber, unlike the rest of this lot
December 27th, 2007 5:44pmAndrew, I hope the boorish reactions from the savages above do not discourage you from blogging more. I cant hope to hobnob with Emily Maitlis, but I enjoy peering through the window of those who can. And that's why I read the Spectator diary. Billy, how many homeless were there around your Christmas table? And Jim, I don't know (but suspect) that Mr Neil was a millionaire before he started work for the BBC. Only Tim Hedges raises a good point. Surely one for Dear Mary?
Billvie Bicks
December 27th, 2007 7:12pmI wonder if Joan Collins was one of the well mannered invitees, or not?
Hamish McGlobbie
December 27th, 2007 9:09pmIf you'd given a party somewhere that I could have gone to, i.e., Leeds, I might have looked in.
Paul Linford
December 28th, 2007 12:15amInteresting that Neil claims Harry Evans as a mate, given what he did to Evans's beloved Sunday Times.
m stanley
December 28th, 2007 1:50pmHmmmm - as one who is still waiting for a reply to both a phone call and then a follow up letter from you the words pot...kettle...and black spring to mind. Still no hard feeling and have a cheery boozy time in France. Hic...Hic...
Kevyn Bodman
December 29th, 2007 12:37pm1) Why does it matter if some of your friends are celebrities and others aren't? So why have you made the distinction? 2) "my office contacted their office". Really. If I want to invite people to parties I ask them myself. Why don't you? Perhaps I'm out of touch with the way things are done nowadays, but am I the only reader who thinks that Mr. Neil's piece does not impress about his lifestyle in the way that he might hope he does?
Anna
December 29th, 2007 3:16pmI`m with M Stanley on this one. I`ve written to Mr Neil on several occasions about past publications of his and have yet to receive a reply. Not being rich or famous made me I can only suppose not worthy of the courtesy of a response. It seems as with many journalists Mr Neil is guilty of gross hypocrisy - plus ca change.....may his New Years bubbles be as flat as his mock indignation.
Mike Davies
January 3rd, 2008 10:06amA good blog Andrew - it stimulated many varied responces, which is surely the point of a blog? I've added Andrew, and all the people who have responded to the guest list list for my next big bash in St Helens. I can promise plentiful amounts of best bitter and as many meat pies as people can fit on there paper plates. RSVP