Is it our guilt that makes us so critical of Britney?
James Forsyth 3:39pm
Ayleet Waldman has a sure to be controversial piece in this week’s New York Magazine arguing that the reason society is so keen to jump on bad mothers like Britney Spears is because mothers are acutely aware of their own failings. As Waldman writes,
“The single defining characteristic of iconic Good Motherhood is self-abnegation. Her day is constructed around her children’s health and happiness, and her own needs and ambitions are relevant only in relation to theirs. If a Good Mother works, she does so only if it doesn’t harm her children, or if her failing to earn an income would make them worse off. She takes care of herself for their sake, to make them better people: “She is in shape and works outside of the home so she can be a good role model.”I’m sceptical of the argument but it is well worth reading the whole thing.
Being a Good Father is a reasonable, attainable goal; you need only be present and supportive. Being a Good Mother, as defined by mothers themselves, is impossible.
…
One way to find consolation in the face of all this failure and guilt is to judge ourselves not against the impossible standard of the Good Mother but against the fun-house-mirror-image Bad Mother. By defining for us the kind of mother we’re not, the Bad Mother makes it easier for us to live with what we are.”
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Verity
January 14th, 2008 4:59pm Report this commentMore insupportably boring navel gazing. Who cares about how people react to the motherhood skills of a pop singer? Could there be anything less compelling?
Tiberius
January 14th, 2008 5:55pm Report this commentSurely, Verity, you will acknowledge that "off topic" subjects are a valid contribution to the blog? As much as I find Britney loathesome, the Good Mother idea is an interesting one.
Thomas R.K. Fry
January 14th, 2008 6:42pm Report this commentIn Money Martin Amis said something similar about paedophiles being beaten up in prison. How relieved the other convicts are to find someone more unsuited to fatherhood than themselves.
Ray
January 14th, 2008 7:15pm Report this commentTwo wise Christian maxims come to mind: "There but for the grace of God go I"; and the words of our Lord - "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Britney Spears may be a slow-motion car crash unfolding before our very eyes. But instead of staring out the window at the wreckage, how about you paparazzis and gossip columnists having a good long stare into the mirror instead.
Drusilla
January 14th, 2008 7:16pm Report this commentI don't warm to Waldman. Has it dawned on her that she's incredibly lucky to have children, to be raising them with a supportive husband, to be living in conditions of peace and prosperity, to be able to choose to stay at home, and indeed to have the leisure to whine at enormous length about how uniquely put-upon wealthy, well-educated, middle class American mothers are? Honestly, give me Britney any day! At least, in her lucid moments (the poor girl clearly has some problems) Britney appears to show a bit of warmth towards her children. In contrast, one struggles to find a single aspect of this Waldman piece that isn't entirely self-centred and narcissistic.
Verity
January 14th, 2008 8:02pm Report this commentTiberius says, "Surely, Verity, you will acknowledge that "off topic" subjects are a valid contribution to the blog?" I didn't know there was a topic to be "off". The writers of this blog write about whatever occupies their interest at the moment, as in all group blogs. I just said that a pop star with a chav name and seemingly emotional problems doesn't mirror society in general and is an unlikely yardstick for women living normal lives to measure themselves against. I must admit I didn't read the piece because I suspected it would be a jaw cracker.
Tiberius
January 14th, 2008 8:55pm Report this commentVerity, I interpreted your use of the word "boring" to mean you would rather not have seen this item mixed in amongst the mainstream political topics.
Verity
January 14th, 2008 9:49pm Report this commentTiberius - No. I like the variety and unexpectedness of group blogs, which is why I come here. I meant exactly what I said. A writer for a New York magazine may use a hillbilly as a hat rack to try to hang a theory of motherhood on, but I do not see how this girl would apply to British women who are mothers. Many redneck girls of Britney's age have been married at least twice by now and sit in C&W clubs listening to the band and crying into their beer with their girlfriends while their children wait out in the car, or at home being kept a vague eye on by a neighbour. I just don't like the pschological pretentions of the writer (the American writer that is; not our Speccie blogger). This is all predicated on having read the blog, but not the link, which looked unbearable.
Fergus Pickering
January 15th, 2008 5:56am Report this commentWas it here that I discovered that Britney Spears is an anagram of Presbyterians? Was it ever really her name, poor girl?
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