Captions please

Lance Diatessaron

It might not be pithy, but how about:

Two examples of the different benefits of the marriage of expedience.

Tiberius

"Sarah has been asking me to buy her a coat with sleeves that fit".

Victoria Street

Carla: "Don't think much of yours."

London Calling

'Gordon poses for 'Top Man', whilst
showing off his Ventriloquist skills' with female puppet.

Walt Whitman

At Downing Street upon the stair
I saw a man exuding flair
A man of courage, guts and steel
Steeped in popular appeal
He has charm, and a comely wench
Tis such a pity he is French

Arbie

And this little one went "Oui oui oui" all the way home.

Mark Heenan

"This week on Wifeswap..."

Lawrence

Gordon repositions himself following advice from his strategy unit

Verity

"You put your left leg in
You put your left leg out
You put your left leg in
And shake it all about ..."

Tiberius - and not quite so snug around the waist.

Frank Pulley

"Wonder what Private Eye will do with this"

Frank Pulley

Or: "Can you get us some tickets for the next Eric Clapton gig?"

David Lindsay

When it comes to Wife Swap, Mark Heenan, I'm most looking forward to the Wales-Cornwall/Rooney-McLoughlin one.

Verity

I loved it when the "youth" (code word for rioting muslims) were burning buildings and cars in Paris, Sarkozy looked up at them and shouted, "Scum!"

Here is a man of confidence.

salieri

"4 green bottles, sitting on the wall..."

Caroline

A winning quartet - "The Four Tops"

Verity

Caroline, I am sorry, but they can't win while Mrs Brown is wearing that tragic outfit. The Four Tops and all those other black groups had a fabulous sense of style.

Max Kaye

Carla: "Get your dirty, nail-bitten hands off me!"