Global Warning

Theodore Dalrymple

Wednesday, 27th August 2008

Theodore Dalrymple delivers a Global Warning

Every day I pass the Oxfam shop, the poster in whose front window never ceases to infuriate me: Thankyou, it says to passers-by, for being humankind. I hate the totalitarian language reform, of course, exemplified by the use of the word ‘humankind’; but I hate the implication that people are to be congratulated and thanked merely for existing even more.

Is there anybody who actually believes that ‘Thankyou for being humankind’ corresponds to a worthwhile thought or sentiment? The only thing that can be said for it is that kitsch is seldom so concise.

Then I come across an advertisement for a telephone company that funds a literary prize. It features the most recent prize-winner, ending with a slogan that makes the death of Little Nell seem like a detached clinical report. ‘I am who I am because of everyone’, it says.

This suggests such grandiosity and self-congratulation masquerading as humility that I feel as though I am wallowing in treacle laced with nitric acid.

How nice it is to return to my room, then, where lies cannot reach me — except, of course, via the internet:

I am Dr Ibrahim Diop, the account manager of Late MR CHO TAE YOUNG in BSIC Bank, here in Burkina Faso Ouagadougou Africa. I discovered his Dormant Account with a huge amount of Money (8.3 Million Dollars only) that belongs to MR CHO TAE YOUNG who died in a plane crash with his entire family, if your are interested to run this deal with me, then more details will be discussed once I hear from you and 40% for you while 60% for me.

Thankyou, Dr Ibrahim Diop, for being humankind.

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Manuel Dias Botelho

September 3rd, 2008 12:58pm Report this comment

"I think I should abandon the world: I am too easily irritated by it."
The same attitude we find in Ludwig II of Bavaria. Life outside is impossible without accepting mediocrity. However, Ludwig had not a single room, but many castles and palaces to live.

Manuel, from Lisbon

Paul Hayman

September 12th, 2008 4:55pm Report this comment

"Thank you for being humankind."

Yes, that's about what one expects from Oxfam these days. I cancelled my direct debit-thing with them when they ran that campaign requesting their supporters to vote for a celebrity to save the world: on the publicity-blurb they sent, they had a photograph of a notepad with suggestions scribbled on it. "Bono" was on there; "Madonna" was on there. ...And "Bush" was on there --- with a line scratched through it.

No, Oxfam aren't political...

alan

October 23rd, 2008 10:42am Report this comment

It reminds me (sorry I'm so late replying) of a sign I saw over the urinal: Thanks for being considerate. What they meant, of course, was: thanks for NOT being INconsiderate. Thanks, in fact, for not being DAMNED inconsiderate. Thanks for NOT being a BLOODY BASTARD. Thanks for NOT being a BLOODY PRICK. Thanks for NOTHING, ASSHOLE! YOUR HEAR ME, YOU HEAR ME?!?

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