Another Voice

Matthew Parris

Wednesday, 8th October 2008

Sit back and enjoy the world economic crisis in three minutes

Mr Ballpark-Estimate (inspects brick): I’m pleased to confirm that on the basis of an external examination alone this does appear to be a brick of the larger sort, brick-shaped, of reddish colour, and apparently made of baked clay; though as I am unable to gain access to its interior I cannot guarantee its composition. Worth I’d say about £180. Errors and omissions excepted. My invoice for an astonishingly large sum follows by post.

Mr Whatam-Ibid: £180? No, loads of people are getting on to the brick ladder. I’d say £200.

Ms Dreamhomes: Well ...(mobile phone rings; she answers) Hello? Mr Jones? How can I help? You’re looking to buy a second small brick for a buy-to-let? You can pay about £100? Excellent. I’m sure we can sort you out. I’ll get back to you. (To the others) The market’s shooting up. I reckon £200 must be about right for Mr Citizen’s big brick. My invoice follows by post.

Mr Whatam-Ibid: We’re agreed then. It looks like the market valuation for a big brick is about £200. My invoice follows by post.

EXEUNT Dreamhomes, Ballpark-Estimate and Whatam-Ibid.

Mr Moneybags: Well, Joe Citizen, I’m pleased to offer you a mortgage loan of up to £200 on your new brick. Why not fund the purchase with a 100 per cent mortgage, and pocket the proceeds of the sale of your old brick? Your job is well paid, and safe, I assume; and doubtless you can keep up your mortgage interest payments? Good. Sign on this dotted line. Now, here’s a cheque.

Joe Citizen: Hooray! The new brick’s mine, and £100 extra in my pocket. I’m off to buy a new washing machine for Mrs Citizen! And that holiday... and car...

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Yvonne

October 9th, 2008 3:15pm Report this comment

No, it can't really be that bad, can it? Will Sheik I'veoilbelow have the last word?

Herbert Thornton

October 12th, 2008 7:04pm Report this comment

Yvonne -

Yes it can. Sheik I'veoilbelow corners the market in bricks and uses them to build another Mosque which he believes the most of the dramatis personae, including somebody called Rowan bin Williams, will soon obediently attend, though for some strange reason nobody in the congregation seems to be called Griffin.

Familiar Clown

October 12th, 2008 8:54pm Report this comment

The sometime stand-up comedian
Mr Brown, who got his first big break in 1997, also has a number of one man shows, including his own composition
One Man Wrecking Machine, under his belt along with many televison appearances.

Inspired by true events on movie screens
I am a one man wrecking machine.
Here in the present tense
Nothing makes sense.
Waiting for my moment to come
everything's come undone.

David Dzidzikashvili

December 13th, 2008 2:56pm Report this comment

Current global financial crisis was a result of greed by large investment & financial institutions, CEOs and individual investors, whose policies dragged whole world down and resulted in inflation, unemployment, foreclosures and bankruptcies. The worst still yet to come in 2009. There is a need for more stable financial system that leaders around the world can agree on to guarantee long-term stability. In addition, the investors who personally were involved in the greed schemes that caused the economic chaos should be arrested and jailed for their involvement in the world economic catastrophe. We can’t tolerate anymore some individuals’ greedy aspirations ruining the lives of people around the world.

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