Another Voice

Wednesday, 8th October 2008

Sit back and enjoy the world economic crisis in three minutes

They are interrupted by the sound of wailing offstage. The backdrop changes abruptly to a darkened sky with thunderclouds. Ms Dreamhomes’s mobile phone rings, she answers

Ms Dreamhomes: Hello? (Pause) What’s that you say? (Pause) Interest rates up? Taxes and petrol up? Unemployment rising? The price of bricks falling? (Pause) Down 15 per cent already?

Joe Citizen (to Mr Moneybags): You can’t increase my payments by that much! Stuff your mortgage, mate. Here, you can repossess my brick. (Hands over brick)

Mr Dollarsacks (to Mr Moneybags): What’s this I hear — getting your bricks back?

Mr Moneybags (to Mr Dollarsacks): We’re all doomed.

Thunderclap. ENTER Mr Brown

Mr Brown: My regulators say you’re about to go to the wall.

Mr Moneybags: If so, Mr Brown, I fear our savers will lose the savings they’ve deposited with us.

Mr Brown: Holy cow! This is a job for the taxpayers. (To Moneybags): I’m nationalising you. In the meantime, here’s a big cheque so you can honour your commitments to Mr Dollarsacks, pay off your board and look after your depositors. I blame the Americans. The age of irresponsibility is over. (Hands big cheque to Moneybags)

Mr Moneybags: Phew.

Mr Dollarsacks: Phew.

Depositors (offstage): Phew.

Taxpayers (offstage): Help!

Matthew Parris is a columnist on the Times.

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Yvonne

October 9th, 2008 3:15pm Report this comment

No, it can't really be that bad, can it? Will Sheik I'veoilbelow have the last word?

Herbert Thornton

October 12th, 2008 7:04pm Report this comment

Yvonne -

Yes it can. Sheik I'veoilbelow corners the market in bricks and uses them to build another Mosque which he believes the most of the dramatis personae, including somebody called Rowan bin Williams, will soon obediently attend, though for some strange reason nobody in the congregation seems to be called Griffin.

Familiar Clown

October 12th, 2008 8:54pm Report this comment

The sometime stand-up comedian
Mr Brown, who got his first big break in 1997, also has a number of one man shows, including his own composition
One Man Wrecking Machine, under his belt along with many televison appearances.

Inspired by true events on movie screens
I am a one man wrecking machine.
Here in the present tense
Nothing makes sense.
Waiting for my moment to come
everything's come undone.

David Dzidzikashvili

December 13th, 2008 2:56pm Report this comment

Current global financial crisis was a result of greed by large investment & financial institutions, CEOs and individual investors, whose policies dragged whole world down and resulted in inflation, unemployment, foreclosures and bankruptcies. The worst still yet to come in 2009. There is a need for more stable financial system that leaders around the world can agree on to guarantee long-term stability. In addition, the investors who personally were involved in the greed schemes that caused the economic chaos should be arrested and jailed for their involvement in the world economic catastrophe. We can’t tolerate anymore some individuals’ greedy aspirations ruining the lives of people around the world.

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