Global Warning

15 November 2008

Theodore Dalrymple delivers a Global Warning

Once in the Equatorial Guinean capital of Malabo I spent a very happy afternoon counting the number of aid agencies whose white Land Cruisers passed me in the street (the only vehicles there were). I counted 27 agencies in all, which goes to show that corrupt dictatorships are the boon of aid agencies. And I had a friend who played a game of special cricket in his mind whenever he was in the company of an eminent but notoriously self-obsessed colleague. A run was scored every time the colleague said ‘I’; there was a wicket whenever he uttered a sentence without mentioning himself. Needless to say, no innings was ever completed.

In like fashion, I spent the conference counting the acronyms. Of course, I may have missed a few after lunch, when my stomach was full of soggy quiche and a banana. Here is a list, probably not exhaustive: ria, bia, hei, asw, pq, gscc, imca, mca, dols, pct, la, csip, amhp, nww, cpa, mdt, mha, lpa, sct, emi, echr, epa, sha, ac, rmp, crmo, nr, cto, soad, rc.

The best acronyms, of course, should provide no clue as to their meaning, and yet be bandied about as if the meaning were known to all. Once their meaning is known to all, however, their bureaucratic utility declines: for acronyms are to modern bureaucrats what incantations are to ancient shamans.

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Herbert Thornton

November 13th, 2008 10:35pm Report this comment

This reminded me of similar situations around 40 years ago when I worked for a Canadian government department in Ottawa.

One time, at a low-level meeting of some committee or other, a mid-level bureaucratic of limited abilities declared, with a knowledgeable air that "parameters" must be established.

So I asked him to please explain what, in this situation, he meant by "parameters".

There was a complete silence. He had obviously given no thought to it and had thrown the word in because he thought it sounded impressive.

TDK

November 14th, 2008 9:43am Report this comment

"I spent the conference counting the acronyms"

Of course. We call this game "buzz word bingo" and it isn't restricted to bureaucrats in government service. There are hundreds of management gurus around around whose very existence depends on them being able to translate the mundane into techno babble, which they then present to enraptured executives.

Ollie

November 14th, 2008 3:23pm Report this comment

Most of the examples you give aren't acronyms, as an acronym needs to spell a pronounceable word. In other words, NATO is an acronym, NSPCC merely an abbreviation.

Elberry

November 15th, 2008 7:47pm Report this comment

Most amusing, i too work in the NHS (at the bottom of the ladder) and recently had to do a 'KSF' explaining my existence to my manager, as if she had no idea what my job is or who i am.

Later, i realised i have no idea what KSF stands for.