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Wednesday, 10th December 2008

It is very British to pass a law making it illegal to create a nuclear explosion

I dread to think why a Liberal Democrat would want to impersonate a traffic warden. It wouldn’t just be to get free parking. Not with them. It would have to be a sex thing. Some kind of NCP-themed bondage dungeon; an underground den kitted out to look like an underground car park. ‘You’ve been a very naughty motorist.’ Yes, traffic mistress. ‘You’ve been feeding your meter, haven’t you?’ Yes, traffic mistress. ‘So what is to be your punishment? The double-yellow, or a clamp on your red route?’ Both, traffic mistress...

Gaaaargh. Gaaargh and aaaaargh. But hold. Because you probably don’t actually know what I’m talking about, do you? At least, not if you live in Britain. Elsewhere in the world, you might. You see, I’m talking about Chris Huhne. He made a speech last week, and his words made headlines from Paris to Beijing. Auckland, Pretoria and Tokyo, too. Pretty much everywhere, in fact, except for Britain. We didn’t give a hoot. I’ve been wondering why.

It could just be that our papers don’t much go in for quirky news. I’ve only seen Mr Huhne’s global coverage online, obviously, but my hunch would be that most of it appeared in back-page sidebar columns, alongside stories entitled ‘My Sister Married My Toothbrush’ and ‘Foal Drives Rally Car’ and suchlike. For Mr Huhne was trotting out one of his favourite bugbears, and that bugbear is weird laws. Labour has created 3,600 new laws since 1997. Not all of them are weird, but Mr Huhne feels that many are.

He is particularly upset that the law specifically prohibits creating a nuclear explosion, as he feels that anybody doing so could probably be prosecuted for other offences, such as murder. ‘Other of the new offences,’ he went on, ‘include: wilfully pretending to be a barrister; disturbing a pack of eggs when instructed not to by an authorised officer; obstructing workers carrying out repairs to the Docklands Light Railway; offering for sale a game bird killed on a Sunday or Christmas Day.’ Then he gave way to Jack Straw, threatening darkly that his list could have continued.

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Geoffrey Transom

December 14th, 2008 12:25am Report this comment

I agree that the descendants of Tories get a rougher shake than those of Labourites. Odd isn't it.

It's like comparing lumgworm larvae to heartworm larvae... both are the offspring of non-symbiotic parasites.

I wish they would ALL get jobs in journalism - instead of sucking at the paps of the taxpayer. Better yet - use the advioce of papal legate Arnaud Amaury at the siege of Beziers: "Caedite eos! Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius".

Perhaps 'Dominus' should be replaced with 'Satanus' above, given the target group...

Cheers

JohnAnt

December 16th, 2008 2:09am Report this comment

"wilfully pretending to be a barrister" - someone's just done that.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/lawandorder/3774005/Man-who-impersonated-barrister-faces-jail.html

Roger Inkpen

April 18th, 2009 9:41am Report this comment

Tory Boy Rifkind has some weird fantasies about us LibDems. I think most people – if they have an opinion at all – probably think of us as dull but worthy people, such as Mr Huhne, Vince Cable and Ming Campbell. We’d like some less sober (whoops!) types such as Charlie Kennedy.

One reason I read the Speccie is because is usually on the button on the question of civil liberties, so unlike Tory Boy I’m not a fan of these thousands of new Labour laws. Why have a new law on impersonating a barrister when contempt of court has served us well for probably centuries? What is so peculiar about Docklands railway workers that they need extra protection?

Because Chris Huhne wasn’t reported in this country doesn’t mean his fellow citizens are not concerned. I sincerely hope this is not the general view of Conservatives to promote more laws for every circumstance.

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