Standing Room

21 February 2009

Last week I lost it.

‘But why did no one ring me and tell me I was about to be rejected?’ I whined. ‘You had all my details on the form. Why do you bother asking for them if you don’t intend using them in situations like this?’

‘I’m afraid it’s not our normal policy to contact customers by telephone,’ replied Anne soothingly.

‘Then. Why. Do. You. Make. Us. Give. You. All. Our. Numbers?’ I asked very, very slowly in an abortive attempt to keep my temper under control.

Anne understood my ‘concerns’ (another meaningless bureaucratic word) but she was nevertheless sticking to the script.

‘If you fill in another form we will process your request. It will however take ten working days to complete...’

‘But I don’t want to fill in another f***ing form,’ I snapped unreasonably. ‘I’ve already filled in the boring form once. I don’t mean to swear at you but I just want you to pick up a pencil and tick the f***ing box for me. Take my money. Surely it’s not too much to ask. I’m begging you to take my f***ing money. Tick the little box for me. Please.’

‘I’m afraid I’m not authorised to do that,’ explained Anne calmly.

‘No one need ever know,’ I found myself whispering. ‘It could stay our little secret.’

‘I’m going to transfer you to my colleague,’ said Anne. My heart sank. We all know ‘transfer’ is just a euphemistic way of saying f*** off.

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gapster

February 21st, 2009 6:18am Report this comment

How I agree with Sarah's sense of total frustration.I have yet to encounter a large bureaucracy capable of resolving any problem on the telephone. 'Concern' is an imported weasel word which means 'complaint' in British English.Worst of all,the customer often has to pay a premium i.e. expensive rate for the call including waiting time listening to fatuous comments such as 'your call is important to us'.Please keep up your attacks on this type of poor customer service and you will do us all a favour