Another Voice

11 April 2009

The spirits of Spectator editors past battled within me as I embarked on a criminal act

This is one of the Underground’s longer escalators. When I dared look towards the end of the stairs down there at the Northern Line, it seemed far, far away. A voice boomed over an unseen intercom, telling me to stop at once and return. They must have CCTV down here, I thought, and redoubled my pace. Raising my head momentarily I could see the bottom of the stairs getting closer. Tap-tap-tap-tap, very fast, leather soles on steel treads... I was winning.

And getting a bit breathless. But now the end was in sight, the admonitory voices had stopped, and if I could manage to get off and on to solid ground, and leg it down the stairs to the DLR, I’d soon be absorbed into the crowd and beyond the reach of the Transport Police, or whomever. As the stairs’ base slowly approached, fear gripped me: how do you switch from stair-running flat out, to the hard, stationary concrete plate where the escalator treads come whirring out of a slit? Here goes — I let go of the rail, gave another little jump, landed on both feet on the concrete, nearly overbalanced, steadied myself — and scarpered down into the DLR station. A train was waiting, and within seconds I was being borne away from this scene of folly to a place where Boris couldn’t get me, heart beating, and filled with a wholly disproportionate sense of triumph.

Oh, I know, don’t tell me. Anyone can run the wrong way down escalators. Kids do it all the time. It wasn’t exactly Everest. It wasn’t Trafalgar. It wasn’t swimming the Channel.

But it was sweet. So thank you, Frank.

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David Short

April 8th, 2009 4:32pm Report this comment

Yes indeed there is CCTV there, as it is everywhere, plus lots of Transport for London (please, Borish, change the name back to London Transport) staff with nothing better to do than harangue MP.

They did it to me once when I was transporting my bike down some sort of stairway. I celebrated a sort of victory by simply folding it and carrying it. (They did not know it was a folder). So it occurred that I was put to inconvenience but to no other person's convenience (it was a Sunday evening and an empty station).

How glad we shall be that these jobsunworths will be out of work soon as public spending gets clamped.

Jabez Foodbotham

April 10th, 2009 11:57am Report this comment

Why didn't you just press the escalator emergency stop button?
No doubt it rings an alarm, but with the extra speed you'd be clear gone before anyone came.

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