Status Anxiety

11 April 2009

A day trip to Heathrow unexpectedly alerts me to a profound philosophical truth

It had almost certainly been stolen, but we had to go through the motions just in case. That meant a trip to lost property in arrivals where we were told that in the unlikely event of it being handed in it would cost us £10 to retrieve it. Nice. I then volunteered to go back to Carluccio’s, just in case someone had picked it up by accident and had now returned it. Caroline said she would only wait in arrivals if I took one of the children with me, and I chose Freddie. That might not have been such a disastrous decision if I hadn’t been carrying him in my arms. My efforts to convince the manager of Carluccio’s that they were liable were somewhat undermined when pee started trickling out of Freddie’s trouser leg.

We were greeted with more bad news on the train journey home. I had originally asked for three return tickets — two adults and one child — and was pleasantly surprised when it had only come to £24.90. Even with a Family Railcard, that was a bargain. However, it turned out that I had only been given one-way tickets and the conductor insisted I buy another two. And, no, I couldn’t use my Railcard.

‘What if I refuse to pay?’

‘That’s your choice, Sir, but I will have to call the British Transport Police. No choice, I’m afraid. Rules are rules.’

So that was another £38. Once you factor in our lunch and the £10 parking fee, the grand total came to £120.75. And that’s not including the cost of the overcoat.

Sometimes I regret having so many children in so short a space of time, but then I remember a conversation I had with a biologist. He’d been puzzling over why it was that looking after small children made human beings so miserable. After all, from an evolutionary perspective, wouldn’t it make more sense if parenting made us happy? He had concluded that too much happiness left us weak and vulnerable. Experiencing parenting as a chore rather than a pleasure helped toughen us up. Other, less evolved humans may have enjoyed spending time with their children, but they had not fared so well on account of their general soppiness.

At the time I thought it was poppycock, but I now take great comfort from it. As Bertrand Russell said, ‘Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact.’

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David Short

April 9th, 2009 12:52pm Report this comment

Move out of London is your best bet.

Lucia

April 10th, 2009 10:12am Report this comment

What a sad affairs! Frankly, these things happen almost all the time and that's I find London extremely difficult city for leisure. What about the food in Carluccio's? I bet it was overpriced and average. On top of it customer services is poor. It is typical of London.
Share great sympathy with you but that's why I do not gave kids. And you did not mention Education. I do not know what are you doing with them but I am teacher and the situation of the State Schools are pretty bad. Faith schools are not the answer either. Prepare your pockets or slice 50% of your kids chances to be successful in this society.
Enjoy Modern Britain or next time get the plane ;-)
Best Regards

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