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Wednesday, 29th April 2009

We on the Right have the best jokes because we accept that the world is a bowl of toenails

There’s a new application you can get for your iPhone called Baby Shaker, where a baby cries and cries until eventually you get so sick of it you shake your mobile so that large red Xs appear over the baby’s eyes and the crying stops for good. Or rather there isn’t, because someone took offence and complained to Apple and now, annoyingly, it has been withdrawn.

Would I have acquired a copy myself? Well the graphics looked pretty rubbish but I still think it was probably worth the 99 cents, just on the off chance one might have found someone to offend. Sicko, child-related jokes are very useful in this respect, I find. One of my favourites when I was about 14 was:

Q. What’s the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of marbles?

A. You can’t unload marbles with a pitchfork.

More recently, when my kids were about six and eight, I tried enlivening dull supermarket trips by training them to pipe up as we passed down the wine and spirits aisle: ‘Oh please don’t buy these drinks, Daddy. You know how it makes you angry and you hit us and we don’t like it, Daddy, we don’t!’ Problem was, it was too long a speech for them to learn and they could never get the intonation right. Could have been fab if we’d pulled it off, though, eh, readers?

I mention this by way of a preamble towards the beginnings of a thesis I’ve been working on, viz. why left-liberals have no sense of humour. Tough one, I know, for of course it provokes the obvious response: ‘What about Polly Toynbee? Yasmin Alibhai-Brown? Naomi Klein? George Monbiot? You saying, what, that they’re not funny?’ Yes, all right. Point taken. But I still believe there is a basic underlying truth to my theory that the funniest jokes are a phenomenon of the right, not the left.

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Julia Ball

April 30th, 2009 5:57pm Report this comment

You are so right JD!! I wonder if the PC brigade will understand that it is also a defence mechanism against the horror of some things.

Royston Vasey

April 30th, 2009 8:05pm Report this comment

You are so right JD!! Tasteless, offensive jokes are "an essentially right-wing phenomenon". Lefties just don't do them.

Well, except for Lenny Bruce or George Carlin or Richard Pryor or Bill Hicks.

But apart from that, lefties don't do tasteless humour.

Well apart from Julian Clary, Jo Brand, Jerry Sadowitz, the League of Gentlemen and Chris Morris, obviously.

But none of them count because err, umm... lefties aren't funny!!

Phew! For a second there I thought your argument was riddled with holes.

James Delingpole

May 1st, 2009 10:44am Report this comment

No, it's OK Royston, I am right. I think the examples you give are mostly just closet right-wingers in denial. But obviously, I'm glad you felt the need to get so self-righteous and cross. That was kind of the main reason I wrote the piece. For you, Royston. For you. xxxx

Royston Vasey

May 1st, 2009 11:33am Report this comment

I'm so glad you clarified that, JD.

You are right because you say so. I'm "cross" because you say so. Black is white because you say so.

I'm guessing debating was never your strong point.

Of course, I assumed you were utterly vacuous but it's nice of you to admit it.

T. Güvenç

May 1st, 2009 11:34am Report this comment

What about "Little Britain"? no longer running in the UK because it has been banned to Swiss and Austrian TV-channels regaling me and lots of my just as tasteless friends to its blatant crass and hilarious hitting out at anything and everything and everybody?

Paul Carlin

May 1st, 2009 11:35am Report this comment

You are indeed right, although much of the laughter comes from the Forces (and perhaps their former comrades now in the City?). I have no idea what the the desperately earnest lefty laughs at, as 99% of mirth-making subject matter involves a banana skin of some sort and a victim, thereby automatically being "offensive". I'd hate to experience any joke devised by any of those Guardianistas you name, and as for Marcus Brigstocke, he really shouldn't be in the game at all; he's dreadfully unfunny all the time.

Newt

May 1st, 2009 12:47pm Report this comment

So right James. And something noticeable from an early age. At university, the young conservatives were always more fun - if often repulsive. The lefties were always to dour and serious. Everything just MATTERED so much.

Dr Dre

May 1st, 2009 1:55pm Report this comment

It's true. I have been a political conservative my entire life (64 yrs) and have always loved humor and try to be witty as well, with some success. I have a cosmic need to laugh. The anti-bullies do enormous damage, I feel, along with "hate-crime" legislation. Normal people rebel at these tactics.

Paul T Horgan

May 1st, 2009 4:00pm Report this comment

I think you have explained precisely why The Goodies will never be repeated on the BBC.

Rather like the translation of the Declaration of Independence by Orwell into the single work 'Crimethink', a modern apparatchik at the BBC could only describe their comedy as racist and homophobic (when it isn't, much).

Fortunately you can get the DVDs, after they were privately produced (another miss by the BBC), but still this wilfully self-induced blindness when it comes to pre-watershed comedy is disappointing. I mean, Dad's Army is still very funny, but there is a limit to how many times it should be repeated before it becomes to the BBC what 'Friends' is to Channel 4.

Mike

May 1st, 2009 5:45pm Report this comment

The left blew their collective top at Alf Garnet, but those he ridiculed found him funny. If the left had a sense of humour they would spend so much time laughing at their own pretensiousness that they would fade away.

Donald Clarke

May 1st, 2009 10:19pm Report this comment

Delingpole, you're full of nonsense. Announcing that you don't really know anything about the USA, then writing an anti-Obama screed, then writing a whole anti-Obama book (which has certainly flopped here in the USA) is funny, but not I suspect in the way you may have hoped. And what do the sick jokes we enjoyed when we were kids have to do with politics?

paul gilboy

May 2nd, 2009 4:55pm Report this comment

Your a sick little wierdo finding baby shaking is totally out of order.
Humour always has a victim or is ironic, but picking on weaker or disadvantaged people is bullying if you feel the need to bully people who are weaker than yourself you have the problem not them.

ian skidmore

May 5th, 2009 1:16pm Report this comment

I agree with your central theme but not with your taste in comedians. Apart from Jeremy Hardy. Marcus Brigstoke? I have had more laughs from a hangover

The Bellman

May 6th, 2009 11:00am Report this comment

@James: You're right about the identikit Radio 4 comedians with their almost-indistinguishable smug whiny nasal 'Radio 4 comedy' accents. 'The Now show': if they didn't keep introducing each other 'amusingly', you'd not be able to tell the difference between them.

But you're wrong about *Peep show*. Mark Corrigan is a proper small c conservative, and, although he is hardly a glamorous role model, I think it's clear that he's the sensible one. "It's only the miracle of consumer capitalism that means you are not lying in your own shit, dying aged 43 with rotten teeth." "Looking at porn is like lying to Parliament. It used to be wrong, but now it's all a big laugh." "I hate political correctness gone mad more than anything. I don't want to teach the world to sing. That would be horrible. But slavery, the holocaust, that's just... not on."

@Royston Vasey: I think you're on pretty shaky ground 'claiming' Jerry Sadowitz and Chris Morris for 'the left'.

tanker21

May 6th, 2009 6:09pm Report this comment

JD - Google doesn't return anything when I search for "drowning baby polar bear joke". Can you please provide URL as I must have missed this one.

PS: found the watch-tower joke referenced in your other blog.

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