Standing Room

16 May 2009

Ideally I only ever want to come across the word ‘system’ when it’s used by an astronaut and sandwiched between ‘all’ and ‘go’.

Ideally I only ever want to come across the word ‘system’ when it’s used by an astronaut and sandwiched between ‘all’ and ‘go’. ‘All systems go!’ has a chirpy, optimistic feel. Eliminate ‘all’ and ‘go’ however and you’re left with no hope. I know I never want to hear ‘the system’ uttered by anyone sitting in front of a company computer or in a position of authority. ‘I’m afraid the system won’t allow me to,’ is nothing short of a polite brush-off. A convenient, modern-day euphemism for ‘I can’t be arsed to help any more — sod off.’

Blaming the system is an attempt to use the get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s the wimp’s way out, and by implying ‘the system’ is a savage beast acting beyond human control we are expected to hate the sin yet continue to love the sinner. Mr System has become Big Brother’s fall-guy. Nameless, unreasonable, near-impossible to catch out and therefore seldom held to account.

When my son recently applied to Westminster Council for a resident’s parking permit they ran his credit card through their machine three times by mistake and overcharged him by £240. It was the anonymous system that prevented the council from immediately rectifying this human error. It took five long weeks of pointless paperwork for them to give him back the money they’d unintentionally nicked — an interminable delay that caused Archie’s frugal budget to spiral into free-fall. Direct debits were presented to the bank and rejected, his mobile telephone was disconnected, he couldn’t afford to pay a parking fine on time and our fridge door was littered with IOUs.

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