Standing Room

4 July 2009

When I was young, being given ‘options’ was a treat.

It’s the same with the plumber who comes to mend the broken boiler. ‘Aaagh,’ he sighed. ‘This is not looking good. Either I do a patch job and — who knows — it may well see you though to the winter, or else I replace your existing system with a new Potterton. They ain’t cheap, but then again it’s not my money. It’s up to you.’

If it were up to me I’d eliminate all options unless they were of the win-win, Fab-or-Zoom variety. We’re not really being given valid choices — we’re being asked to make snap-decision risk assessments, with potentially dire consequences.

The worst offenders of all are the pre-recorded telephone options that invariably never come close to addressing the problem.

Last week my internet connection decided to die. Using my mobile, I called BT and entered a Kafkaesque nightmare of button-punching. A robot answered.

‘To check a line or report a fault, press two. Welcome to the Fault Management Service.’ Pause. ‘This is BT Business One Plan. As soon as you hear a word or phrase that applies to you, repeat it back to me. You can interrupt me at any time. Or ask for more options.’

I kept saying ‘help’ but nobody listened.

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charlotte safavi

July 2nd, 2009 6:32pm Report this comment

I am always screaming help at the automated press 1, press 2 lines. Usually until I'm blue in the face and really need assistance! Great piece. I relate.

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