Status Anxiety

29 March 2008

I was wrong about Acton. It is by far the most affluent place I have ever lived

Needless to say, none of our Shepherd’s Bush friends believe us when we tell them how posh Acton is. The other day, a mother from Ludo’s nursery brought her child over for a ‘play date’ and, after giving our house the once-over, told us she was quite impressed. ‘I had no idea you could get places as nice as this so close to London,’ she said.

Even the domestics look down their noses at Acton. I got into a row with a Filipino cleaner last week who demanded to be paid an extra £20 for the time it had taken her to get here. I pointed out that this was a bit much, given that she lived in Olympia, and offered to ‘prove’ that it was no more than three miles away by plugging our respective addresses into Google maps. She was having none of it. ‘You live Heathlow, you live Heathlow,’ she screamed.

In an effort to make amends for having contributed to this misrepresentation of the area, I invited the editor of the local newsletter to lunch and proposed that she ‘interview’ me. She suggested we go to Vanilla, the very same coffee shop I claimed had closed down in my earlier piece. It turns out that the demand for bresaola-and-sundried-tomato sandwiches is so great, Vanilla has actually moved to larger premises.

‘I want to take this opportunity to unreservedly apologise to the people of Acton,’ I said, dipping a piece of ciabatta into some carrot and coriander soup. ‘It is by far the most affluent place I have ever lived — and that includes the West Village in New York and Brentwood in Los Angeles.’

She duly published the ‘interview’, but with typical journalistic cunning elected not to quote any of the nice things I said. Instead, she cast me as an unspeakable snob, spewing bile about my new neighbourhood. ‘Acton High Street contains shops that are below even Budgens and Iceland in the retail substrata,’ she quoted me as saying. ‘Even Kerry Katona would give it a wide berth.’ (Admittedly, I did say this, but only after several glasses of ‘organic’ wine.)

From now on, Caroline and I are going to keep out of sight — which shouldn’t be too hard. I don’t expect to get many invitations, given my reputation as the Lady Bracknell of the area. Our only hope is that Jana Bennett may invite us round for a glass of cider at Christmas.

Toby Young Is Associate Editor Of The Spectator.

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Herbert Thornton

March 27th, 2008 9:59pm Report this comment

If any of my neighbours worked for the BBC I certainly wouldn't go round telling people about it, let alone publicise the fact in the media.

Strawsonian

March 28th, 2008 4:27pm Report this comment

Why's that, Herbert? Are the BBC bods simply too ghastly for words - or are you concerned for their security?

Ian

March 29th, 2008 1:10am Report this comment

I used to live at a ground floor flat in Acacia Road (1972). I can tell you, it wasn't posh then! We had two bedrooms, a living room, dining room/kitchen and bathroom. That is to say, the whole ground floor.

Times have changed.

Hugh was a Northern Irish Protestant, ex-SAS, salesman. Jeff was a self-loathing, acid-head, Zen Buddhist Jew. Mervin was a long-haired, dope-smoking, thieving hippy and Jock was a racist, creatively foul-mouthed, Scots thug - or so he would have you believe.There was also a Southern Irish, donkey jacketed, labourer whose name escapes me. He didn't stay long. I was a Northern English, working class, public schoolboy who fled the Smoke a.s.a.p. It's true, I promise you, it's all true.

We certainly didn't pay the equivalent of whatever it's costing you idiots in London now. I did some perfunctory research online and use the term 'idiots' advisedly. I have a four bedroom house, with ensuite, bathroom, cloakroom, garage, garden and off-road parking for less than a one-bedroom flat in Acton. No mortgage.

Who needs posh? Drucker's in Birmingham do good coffee and better cakes. I know several restaurants in Bearwood that will give a wide variety of cuisine and don't cost the earth.

Who needs London?

Ann

April 1st, 2008 3:49pm Report this comment

Ian - I couldn't agree more. Why is it the media are unable to see further than the metropolis boundaries? I love to visit London, more precisely the museums and art galleries - but I breathe a positive sigh of relief as I get off the train on the Oxon/Bucks border. I expect we have some BBC bods living here somewhere but it's not important round here Toby!

Imran

April 1st, 2008 4:29pm Report this comment

I fully agree with you Toby. Acton is great! We've lived here for many years now and found it to be ideally situated for our lives...15 minutes to the West End and 15 minutes to Heathrow In my opinion, much nicer than Shepherds Bush but of course its what ever you get use too!

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