Status Anxiety

Toby Young

24 May 2008

I never thought I’d claim I was quoted ‘out of context’ — until I went to Cannes

‘So you’re not denying that you actually said it?’

‘Well, no, but...’

‘Care to respond to Simon’s description of you?’

‘No, I wouldn’t. It’s all bollocks.’

‘So there is no feud? You’re actually the best of friends, is that it?’

I was about to say ‘yes’ when I suddenly thought, ‘What if her next phone call is to Simon and he says he can’t stand me? Then I’ll look like a right prat.’

‘Look, I’ll email you a response, OK? I want to choose my words carefully.’

After thinking about it for a bit, I emailed her the following: ‘The truth is, I absolutely adore Simon and love hanging out with him, but I’m a bit embarrassed to say that in case my feelings aren’t reciprocated.’

I thought that would put an end to it, but the following day a story duly appeared that said I had indeed fallen out with him. By way of proof, it quoted me saying that I ‘adore’ him but ‘my feelings aren’t reciprocated’.

In the past, I have always scoffed at people who try and cover up some foot-in-mouth incident by claiming they’ve been ‘misquoted’ or their words were ‘taken out of context’, but now I see their point. What I said at the press conference was particularly naive because I was being doubly ironic. I was trying to be self-deprecating by pretending to have a much higher opinion of myself than I actually do. But the assembled hacks decided it would be more fun to take my comments at face value and portray me as a pompous twit who is ‘disappointed’ that he is merely being played by the biggest movie star in the UK and not Brad Pitt. There is no coming back from that.

At the end of the press conference my colleagues were uncharacteristically nice. One of them said it was fantastic that someone who had spent a lifetime being ejected from A-list parties was now in Cannes promoting a film. This was met with a chorus of approval and I received several pats on the back. ‘Yeah, well done mate,’ said one particularly cynical old hack. Afterwards, one of the producers of the film said, ‘You could be in for some good publicity at last. I think your colleagues are really going to get behind you on this.’

I thought so, too — for about 24 hours. What an idiot I am.

Toby Young Is Associate Editor Of The Spectator.