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Hugo Rifkind

Wednesday, 6th August 2008

The view from 2018: how it all went wrong for Prime Minister Osborne

So it was 2018 and the government was in trouble. Real trouble. In newspapers and magazines, on Dame Emily Maitlis’s Newsnight and Davina McCall’s Today programme, one question was being asked. Would anybody ever vote Conservative again?

At this stage, by-election disasters were not unexpected. The loss of Crewe and Nantwich had been on the cards for years and Enfield, although symbolic, was hardly a surprise. Fulham had been a shock. Henley all the more so.

Lord Johnson (of Henley) was particularly upset by the latter. As he said to the Radio Times, ‘to call this lot a shambles would be an insult to other shambles, such as erm...’ Although Lord Johnson couldn’t think of other shambles, not on the spot, and the rest of the interview was about his new series of Strictly Come Dancing, the quote still made the front pages. For a government in such dire straits, all news was bad news. They were in freefall. It had never been worse.

Where had it all gone wrong? There was an easy answer, even if it wasn’t an entirely accurate one. The Osborne Oscillation had been far, far too short-lived. For a time, such a brief time, the new Prime Minister had seemed like such a breath of fresh air. No shorts. No bike. There was no inkling that he owned an iPod, even now, and you never had to see his wife’s knees. The man even wore a Barbour, thank God, and apparently had done since he was 12. Finally, a pair of safe hands.

When he had appeared on the steps of Downing Street clutching the hand of a frail Glenys Kinnock, it had felt like the start of a national government. ‘This shall be a government of all the talents!’ Prime Minister Osborne had piped, using that curiously familiar phrase that had come out of nowhere. For a time there was talk of Labour defections. The name of Dame Cherie Booth (QC) was even floated as the head of some kind of task force, but nothing ever came of it. Probably for the best, what with Tony at the Hague.

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Colin

August 7th, 2008 9:21pm Report this comment

I liked the bit about Tony at the Hague.

Matt

August 7th, 2008 9:27pm Report this comment

"Hugo Rifkind is a writer for the Times"

He is also nowhere near as good as writer as he seems to think.

As in: "ho, ho, ho! Aren't I so witty?"

Answer as in: "No. For surely NOBODY could be as witty as Hugo Rifkind seems to Hugo Rifkind seems to believe he is!"

paul hill

August 7th, 2008 10:02pm Report this comment

Worth it just for Gove wearing his specs again

Richard

August 8th, 2008 8:35am Report this comment

"...many declared the Conservative party to be finished for ever, like the Whigs. Some protested that it was all cyclical and nothing new, but nobody listened to them. They listened to the exciting ones, the doomsayers, who were certain, this time, that it was real."

Did the Tories have debts of £20 million?

Praguetory

August 8th, 2008 9:48am Report this comment

This could have been a funny, incisve article.

Liz Brown

August 8th, 2008 12:05pm Report this comment

Yawn..........

John Gleeson

August 8th, 2008 12:06pm Report this comment

It's not clear to which Osborne you are referring. Is it Sharon ?

Artboy

August 8th, 2008 1:06pm Report this comment

The actual certainties of the future are that the world will be hotter, holland will be under water and there will be a lot more people moving everywhere

Stuart Perry

August 8th, 2008 2:28pm Report this comment

Hugo Rifkind`s article is puerile to the extreme - it is not even funny. Let`s try and move up an intellectual gear.

Dick the Prick

August 8th, 2008 3:49pm Report this comment

Had to stop when mentioned the Kelly years - I like a good yarn as much as the next man - but that's just ludicrous.

Kpar

August 9th, 2008 12:31am Report this comment

Hi, Gleeson

I was trying to figure out myself which Osbourne, Ozzie or Sharon...

Kpar, USA

P.S. Anybody willing to hazard a guess about the Israeli's willingness to strike Iran? Seems to me 5 years of diplomacy haven't exactly produced much...