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Wednesday, 13th August 2008

If you or your chatmate are looking for a nilogism or mislexis, don’t wait till an earar

Which brings us to the word whose lack a great many of my correspondents lament: a pronoun for ‘he or she’ that avoids the use of the ugly ‘they’. An ingenious correspondent has suggested sorm, this being an abbreviated rendering of ‘sir or madam’, but to rephrase the phrase above as ‘...or that the sorm is necessarily listening’ is displeasing.

Nor have readers offered much help in filling a gap which a number have identified: we have no pleasant, gender-unspecific but unambiguous word for adult human children. I am of course (at 59) my mother’s child, but when children go half price that excludes me. ‘Son’ and ‘daughter’ are truly age-unspecific, but with ‘child’ it depends on the context. ‘Offspring’ seems rather zoological, while the legalistic/Biblical ‘issue’ doesn’t sound very nice at all.

Readers have been more helpful with suggestions for the gap left by our dictionary’s failure to offer an antithesis for ‘benefit’. Obviously it should be malefit. One of the malefits of writing columns like this is that I’ve started using some of the new vocabulary, forgetting that others are not yet familiar with it, and bewildering my ...er, interlocutors, or chatmates. I intend to do my best to popularise malefit, along with another excellent proposal: a term to describe the sort of celebrity who is really just a nobody who has become famous for being famous — or nonebrity.

Occasionally correspondents have corrected me. I suggested that a Chishona word from Zimbabwe, ‘guti’, meaning a very fine, spray-like drizzle, had no English equivalent; but there seems to be a word spelt variously by readers as ‘smir’, ‘smirr’ and ‘smur’, that sounds just right for the job but has fallen from usage. Other correspondents have indicated nilogisms I had overlooked — such as our lack of any concise terms for the acronym that appears in the classified dating columns of newspapers and magazines, and, increasingly, on the internet: GSOH — or ‘possessing a good sense of humour’. This most emphatically does not mean ‘humorous’: the joker may be humorous, but his (or her) chatmate needs to have a GSOH.

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Comments Post comment

David Short

August 14th, 2008 11:05am Report this comment

I remember a word for the small dried bits of excrement from my teenage years in the North East. It was 'winnet'. I don't think we need the word any more with the much more prevalent daily shower or bath and more hot water and bathrooms, rather than weekly tin baths.

As for nonebrity, I like it, but I remember the Evening Standard some years ago inventing 'waif' - why am I famous?

And you don't need a male version of nymphomaniacs as most men are sex-mad. The small minority who aren't can be referred to as 'non-combatants'.

Bean Counter

August 14th, 2008 3:15pm Report this comment

On your Britain point - I learned this lesson the hard way in Belfast a couple of years ago. I was asked what I was planning for the weekend amd replied 'I'm going back to the UK', to which the response was 'You're IN the UK', expressed with a surprising amount of passion. Given that we live in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island, I'd say 'Team GB' is some way off the mark.

Life's Too Short

August 14th, 2008 5:14pm Report this comment

A pedant writes: GSOH is not an acronym, because it cannot be pronounced (unlike NATO and radar, say). It's an abbreviation.

Lesley

August 14th, 2008 9:23pm Report this comment

Perhaps there should also be a word for the time-wasting habit of making this sized article into four pages of web page. E-longation ?

David Short

August 14th, 2008 10:26pm Report this comment

Lesley, yes, it is a pain and says little (or a lot) about the skills of the webmasters here.

Even short columns such as Low and High Life run into three pages.

David Short

August 14th, 2008 10:29pm Report this comment

But you CAN have Team GB because you get all-Ireland teams, so GB makes sense if there are no Irish.

Great Britain includes Scotland, whereas Britain does not.

In the past, Scotland was sometimes referred to as North Britain.

Fergus Pickering

August 15th, 2008 4:53am Report this comment

'Smirr' has not fallen from use. I used it myself in a poem published and republished. Since I was brought up in Scotland it may ell be a Scots word. My spelling is correct. Please use the word as soon as you can.

Fergus Pickering

August 15th, 2008 4:56am Report this comment

Heavens, here I am again. Those pesky Scots say 'the morn' for tomorrow, and 'the morn's morn' for the day after tomorrow. 'Tomorrow's tomorrow' would be an equivalent.

David Moss

August 15th, 2008 3:29pm Report this comment

1. Asked (one reader tells me) what might be the English equivalent of the French sensibilité, Lord Palmerston replied ‘humbug’ ...

2. Which brings me to my favourite letter, from a man in neighbouring Staffordshire. ‘Most needed,’ he writes, ‘is an adjective for the pitiful tripe that managements use to try to jolly along their staff.’ ... My correspondent comes up with his own suggestion for the right word: ‘bullshit’.

which reminds me that

3. According to John Lennon, avant garde is just French for bullshit.

David Moss

August 15th, 2008 4:13pm Report this comment

Lesley
August 14th, 2008 9:23pm

Perhaps there should also be a word for the time-wasting habit of making this sized article into four pages of web page. E-longation ?

----------

I think the idea is that we might read lots of advertisements as we click from page to page -- so, "adlongation"?

Alec Ryrie

August 16th, 2008 3:07pm Report this comment

Great Britain includes Scotland, whereas Britain does not.

In the past, Scotland was sometimes referred to as North Britain.

-----------------------

No: Britain has always been a term either for a Roman province or for the whole island.

'Great Britain' was a medieval usage to distinguish this island from Brittany - the original 'Little Britain'. Interestingly, the British have now largely abandoned 'Great' but most Americans still use it. I remember once telling an American that I was from Britain, and he replied, 'Britain? Is that Great Britain? Or some other Britain?' He was joking, obviously ... but then 'Great' does feel a bit of a claim now, doesn't it?

Sadly, the main word that most of the world uses for the UK is 'England'.

David Short

August 16th, 2008 9:09pm Report this comment

But I maintain it's true that in the 19th and early 20th century, sometimes Scotland was called 'North Britain'.

As Scotland was never part of Roman Britain, that makes even more sense.

This is all beginning to remind me of the conversation between Jerry and George in 'Seinfeld' when they start puzzling over Holland, the Netherlands, and the Dutch.

David Moss

August 18th, 2008 1:23am Report this comment

"The North Briton" was the name of John Wilkes's newspaper, of which he had published 45 issues before the powers that be descended on him.

There are lacunae in our vocabulary, true, but also in our public life. What would we give for another John Wilkes now?

Imagine the mess he would make of Gordon Brown – that arch North Briton. And David Miliband! And perhaps even that politician Matthew Parris described in the Times less than a year ago as potentially a puffball and a jellyfish.

Brian Fleming

August 19th, 2008 12:00pm Report this comment

Matthew,

You mention the lack of "a term for our country". This is, of course, due to the highly idiosyncratic nature of the 'Ukanian' state, unitary by name, but not by nature.

My late father (a Scot) and my mother (originally English), when visiting me here in Finland, where I have lived for many years, used to refer to "This Country". They did not use this term in reference to wherever they happened to be at the time, but purely as a proper noun when referring to 'home'. I have always found this an infuriating habit, being of a somewhat pedantic nature myself. However, I have since noticed others doing this too. I do not know if it is specific to residents of Scotland who do not want to (or are unable to) specify whether they mean Scotland, Britain, GB, UK ,or whatever at each utterance. I have a feeling it is probably used more widely.

Iain Shepherd

August 20th, 2008 7:15am Report this comment

You don't really need a Jamaican term for the dried excrement that can cling to the hairs around the anus. My father tells me about the Aberdeenshire term "knapdarloch" which is, according to the on-line Scots dictionary a knotted piece of dirt or dung etc. hanging on the fur of an animal or a dirty or cheeky person ". The word, like the dialect itself, is unfortunately dying out. Even a semi-retired old farmer that I know hadn't heard of the term although some of his friends had. My son says that the Italian word is "tarzanelli" which is presumably of much newer origin.

Tim Standbrook

September 15th, 2008 6:08pm Report this comment

Just a thought following from Jamaican Rasclats, we often at university used to refer to those stubborn to remove bits after a good dump, quite pictorially and usually in a human context, as "Dangleberries". Being brought up in the Star Trek era, they were also known as "Clingons". Of course, "Clingons" would never have presented their alien menace, if it weren't for "Winnits" (anal hair) to cling on to.

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