Status anxiety

I know nothing about rugby, but Jonny Wilkinson is still my favourite quarterback

20 October 2007

Toby Young tries to mug up on rugby

‘So what’s the difference between rugby and American Football?’ I asked Grub. ‘Aren’t they basically the same?’ There was a pause.

‘Can I ask you a question?’
‘Yes.’
‘Were you born in this country?’
‘Yes.’
‘And brought up here?’
‘Yes, yes.’
‘So how on earth can you be so completely f��”ing ignorant about our national game?’

I was a little affronted by this. After all, it isn’t as if I know nothing about rugby. I know that it’s played with an oval-shaped ball rather than a spherical one and that you’re allowed to pick the ball up . . . most of the time. It is the more obscure aspects of the game that puzzle me. For instance, why don’t the wide receivers �” or ‘forwards,’ as I believe they’re called �” linger around their opponent’s touchline and wait for Jonny Wilkinson to pass it to them? Is there a rule against that? Or is it simply prohibited by convention?

I tried to get to the bottom of some of these mysteries watching last Saturday’s semi-final against France in the privacy of my own sitting room. Unfortunately, after 80 minutes of play I was none the wiser. Why did both sides repeatedly kick the ball out of play? And how did the referee determine when a foul had been committed given that all the players were beating the crap out of each other more or less continuously?

One of the reasons I’m anxious to improve my knowledge of the game before Saturday’s big match is that I don’t want to make as big a fool of myself as I did last March when I flew to Tel Aviv to watch the England football team take on Israel. On the flight out, I found myself sitting next to Glenn Hoddle and I asked him why Steve McClaren hadn’t included Craig Bellamy in the squad. ‘I know he’s a bit of a bad boy, but he’s a useful little player,’ I said, trying to sound authoritative. ‘He could cause Israel’s defence some real problems.’

‘I agree with you,’ said the former England manager. ‘The problem is, Craig Bellamy is Welsh.’

Previous page 1 | 2 | 3 Next page

More articles from: Toby Young | this section

Print this article | Email to a friend | Permalink | Comments (1)

Post this entry to: del.icio.us | Digg | Newsvine | NowPublic | Reddit

Post comment

hannah

January 6th, 2008 1:54am Report this comment

hi this is hannah and can i ask you something will you be able to aks jonny wilkinson that i love him so much and i realley do wish that i was going out with jonny wilkinson love from hannh xxx

Post comment