Dear Mary

24 January 2009

Your problems solved

One day I came home and a girl was looking around the flat. She seemed nice enough but when I asked how she knew my flatmate she said, ‘I met him on the internet where he’s advertising the room.’

Worse still, she doesn’t work and she’s sleeping on friends’ sofas at the moment. He asked her to pay a deposit, but only of £500, which would not even cover my Rolex watch. After she left, I told him no way could this random stranger move in. His response was to get his mum to call me up and have a go at me for being selfish. He is 26 (and so am I). Now we’re in a stand-off. What should I do?

K.G., Hoxton

A. You are right and he is wrong. Ring the letting agents and ask whether — in a hypothetical situation — they would be happy for an unknown girl to move in if your former flatmate’s mother was to stand as guarantor for any damages, losses or squatting problems. If they say yes, then put the ball back in his court and let him get on with organising it.

Q. How should I reply to acquaintances who ask how my husband’s business is going? The answer is badly, but I do not want to be drawn into discussion of it.

Name and address withheld

A. Go into Stepford Wife mode as you reply, ‘Oh terribly I expect. But he’s really good about not bringing work problems home because he knows how I worry.’

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gerry

January 23rd, 2009 5:39pm Report this comment

I do like your Stepford Wife mode advice, Mary. Long ago, when our next door neighbour was a professional complainer, I did this. He'd call frequently to complain about trivia such as our cat going into his garden. He was always polite but it would take about 30 minutes to get rid of him. Once, not long after he'd left I ran into his wife and said something polite about him. She replied that complaints were nothing to do with her. Next time he called I said, "My husband deals with complaints in future, every Friday at 6.0pm". He left immediately, perfectly satisfied with the new arrangement.

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