Dear Mary

25 April 2009

Your problems solved

Q. Arriving for a weekend celebration, I was announced and entered a room in which everyone stood at once in a random formation to greet me. There was the couple who had invited me to mark their golden wedding, their daughter and son-in-law, in whose house I was now to be resident as a guest, and the parents of the son-in-law, who were nearest to my point of entry. Bearing in mind that the latter, I fear, are easily slighted, in what order should I have greeted the people present? It did not help that cheeks and handshakes were proffered simultaneously. To avoid embarrassment, please just use my initials if you print this!

T.R.W., address withheld

A. Unless royalty is present, the only issue here is of positional precedence. You should greet people in order of their proximity to the door you have come through. There is no need to be presidential about it — but it is best to train yourself to enter roomfuls of people with eyes pre-glazed. In this way serial slightees cannot be offended, as you will not make eye contact until the moment when you are standing in front of them and responding to their proffered cheek or handshake.

Q. An old friend and I met for dinner at the Academy Club in Soho. I was slightly thrown by someone at the next table asking me, quite out of context, if I had ever written anything and was I an intellectual. As I floundered for a reply, my old friend cried, ‘Oh, of course Anne is an intellectual!’, which I found highly embarrassing. How could I have answered such a preposterous question without being rude?

A.C., London W8

A. You should have replied pleasantly. ‘Oh no. I am afraid I am an airhead. How about you?’

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