Dear Mary

13 June 2009

Your problems solved

Q. My oldest school-friend, who moved to Paris, has recently been staying with me in London while visiting her sick mother. This was on my invitation. However I have noticed that she has been ringing her own family in Paris quite freely from our telephone and spending sometimes up to 40 minutes changing and rebooking her flights on a premium rate number. We do not like to be stingy but due to the credit crunch, which has not affected her, it came as a blow when we noticed that our telephone bill has escalated considerably. As it looks like she is going to be here sporadically for the next few months I would like to know how we can gently ask her to either contribute to the bill or stop making these premium rate calls.

Name and address withheld

A. When your friend next visits, casually open a pile of bills in front of her. One of them should be your telephone bill (which you have resealed). Display exasperation as you go through it, exclaiming that it is much higher than usual and there must be some mistake as you have a family agreement not to call premium numbers. All premium numbers are itemised on a telephone bill so immediately call the suspect chief offender number to identify it. ‘Oh!’ you can gasp. ‘It’s an airline booking number. Is that the one you use?’ This should have the desired effect. Your friend will be shamed into curtailing her calls or at least contributing to those she has already run up.

Q. While lying on a friend’s sun-lounger the other day, I noticed that she had installed man-made, prefabricated house martin nests under her eaves. This friend normally has impeccable taste yet these nests have a grey, cement-like appearance and the double version gives the appearance of a concrete bosom. Am I right in thinking that man-made birds’ nests are a lapse in taste, Mary? Wouldn’t a bird box be more attractive and aesthetically acceptable?

S.H., Woodborough, Wiltshire

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