Real Life

Wednesday, 1st July 2009

Writer’s block

On my to-do list: ‘Write letter to sponsored child’. It’s been there for months but I can’t shift it. It’s proving more stubborn than ‘send tax return stuff to accountant’.

I had been really looking forward to it in the beginning. I had imagined myself sitting in my study like Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt, writing long, meaningful letters to the unknown child.

Then, quite unexpectedly, as I agonised over what I would write in my first missive, I received a letter from the little guy. ‘Hello dear sponsor!’ he said in a flourishing ornate script in his own language, with the English translation below. He informed me that he is a seventh grader and likes natural sciences. He has a sister who does well at school and his mother and father are very hard-working and kind. He loves his family very much. ‘I’ll be very happy if you tell me about your family.’ He signed off with the most beautiful blessing I have ever heard about God keeping me in the palm of his hand. Now I do not know what to write. I have no idea what to say to this ‘disadvantaged’ child who is obviously happier and better adjusted than me.

A disturbing notion has taken hold that I have nothing of real value to communicate. I have resorted to the crib notes in the sponsorship guide. ‘Talk about your family, their likes and dislikes. Give them a picture of your family life.’

All right. Here goes. ‘Dear Zhirayr, I live with a giant black rabbit called BB and a cat called Lou-Lou. The rabbit, who is the size of a Labrador puppy, likes chewing things and has nearly eaten an entire rattan sofa. I don’t mind as it has become performance art and would probably fetch a lot of money in one of our London museums if I called it something like “The physical impossibility of sitting in the mind of someone lagomorphic”. BB also likes chasing the cat. The cat likes lying in the front garden where the rabbit can’t find him. His favourite food is tuna. I also have two horses called Tara Lee and Gracie. They are very moody and like to chase each other round their field. Tara’s favourite thing is to throw me into the air then run off on her own.’

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