Dear Mary

4 July 2009

Your problems solved

Name and address withheld

A. Your wife did well to be loyal despite misgivings. It is not the amount of money ‘guests’ resent parting with on these occasions, but the faint whiff of racketeering with which the heavy-handed ‘host’ can seem to be extracting it. Readers thinking of ‘giving’ similar restaurant parties during the crunch would do better to sidestep their partners and instead enlist a close friend to co-ordinate. Such an independent figure can suggest, as though off their own bat, a surprise lunch to which everyone can contribute. A price-ceiling per head can be agreed. Friends will then enjoy the status of willing co-conspirators rather than victims of a form of chugging. In this way the goodwill quotient will be heightened.

Q. I have a standing invitation to a friend’s idyllic country cottage. Unfortunately there is only one bathroom, and the small window has a notice on it announcing that it should not be opened as house martins are nesting above it. There is no extractor fan. I long to visit but how can I get around this embarrassment?

Name and address withheld

A. You can still visit without stress provided you first identify the nearest pub with public convenience facilities. You can then respond to your peristaltic prompt by popping out ‘to post an urgent letter’.

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John Francis

July 2nd, 2009 11:45am Report this comment

"only one bathroom" - Ms Killen is correct but always carry a box of matches just in case. Repairing to the local ale house in the middle of the night isn't really an option.

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