Dear Mary

19 September 2009

Your problems solved

Q. A guest at my country house drifted into the kitchen while I was frantically cooking supper for 14 people. She caught me at a moment when the fridge door had been momentarily left open. As quick as lightning, she asked, ‘Are you defrosting the fridge?’, leaving me speechless with irritation. How should I have replied to this gross impertinence or blanket stupidity?

Name and address withheld

A. Fridges, and fridge doors in particular, are a notorious source of eco-one-upmanship and conflict. Your guest might equally easily have asked, ‘Have you left the fridge open for a particular reason?’ The only way to handle all such remarks is to disarm the would-be demoniser by saying, ‘Be a love and shut it for me will you, I am a bit chaotic tonight.’

Q. A suggestion, not a problem, à propos of the letter to you in the 15 August issue. I was introduced to a politician once who asked me where I was born. I thought this was a useful ice-breaker for most situations where there is a newcomer.

S.M., Weybridge, Surrey

A. Thank you for submitting this useful tip which should serve to trigger lengthy babbling from even the shyest of party guests.

If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.