Real life

13 November 2010

Melissa Kite's Real Life

For those of us who don’t do it, parenting is a bit of a mystery. A strange, magical, glamorous mystery that we imagine is bedevilled by all sorts of complex and exciting challenges. What a mind-blowing experience it must be to manufacture another human being and steer him into the world, we think.

Which is why it was such a disappointment looking after a friend’s teenager for a week. I now realise that parenting involves only two things: persuading a child to eat and persuading a child to put on a coat. That’s it. There is nothing else involved. Which is not to say that it is a simple matter. Oh, no. I have discovered that there are few things more challenging, exhausting or dispiriting than trying to force another human being to put food in his mouth and a coat on his back. I have discovered that hell hath no fury like a young person who does not want to eat or wear a coat.

I have sat locked in the loo weeping in near suicidal despair during particularly savage bouts of eating and coat refusal. How do parents put up with this? I take my hat off to them for fighting this war of attrition for years. I’ve done it for seven days and I’m a basket case. I have expended every last ounce of energy on eating and coat persuasion techniques to absolutely no avail.

I’d be interested to know if I’ve been doing something very wrong. I admit I approached the whole thing from an entirely selfish perspective. My coat persuasion technique went something like this: ‘Aren’t you going to put on a coat?’ ‘No.’ ‘But it’s blowing a gale outside.’ Silence. ‘I really think you should put on a coat.’ ‘I’m hot.’ ‘All right, then.’

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Minigee

November 20th, 2010 7:12am Report this comment

Melissa, you came at this from the wrong angle. You only bother persuading younger children to eat and wear coats. With teenagers you don't mention food or warm clothing. You simply make it available and walk away saying nothing, a bit like feeding wildlife. The correct approach would have been to leave an old overcoat and a packet of buns in some conspicuous place and then just carry on with your day at the stables. The teenager would then have quietly sneaked the food when you were not looking, and perhaps even put the coat on during the coldest part of the day.

ShadowL

December 9th, 2010 12:24am Report this comment

up until they were about 5, i had the same arguments with my boys, but with the addition of using the bathroom. Now the argument is again "put on a coat" but also "take a shower" I wish I could stop them from eating so much these days.

just always bring an extra coat and food, they come home when they get cold and hungry. (or they have to pee)

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