The PM we'll never have

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Well, so long, after not so long to Michael Meacher, a man who was never leader, nor was meant to be. ‘Pleased to’ Meacher was his nickname around here, because he was, invariably, pleased to meet you and pleased to talk at length to you too, which is why it was quite clear that he wasn’t cut out for the top job.  ‘Dear Mary’ he said in his last email to me, ‘you kindly gave some real consideration to the piece I sent you on global trade, and I entirely understand the reasons you turned it down. But I wonder whether I can interest you in another piece…” See? Pleasant, self-deprecating, civil: not a cat's chance in a pit bull pit of being PM.

But isn’t it a shame that being a decent chap is such a sure sign you’ll never make it to the top in politics, (being spun as ‘nice’ is ok, cf Cameron, it’s just the real deal that spells doom) and isn’t it curious?

Old 'Pleased to' had ‘real life’ experience outside politics too – another ‘no, no’ in Westminster these days, meaning 'old' and 'has been'.  After he graduated from New College, he taught at York uni and wrote a book about how old people should be treated in mental homes. He also had principles – the fool. He held steady against the Iraq war, spoke out against the oil-orientated foreign policy and was committed to saving the planet well before green was the new black.

In fact the only real glimmer of Prime Ministerial potential he showed was back in 1988 when he claimed his dad was a farm labourer, when in fact he was an accountant. It wasn’t enough.

Why was it so obvious so soon that nice Mr Meacher didn’t cut the mustard? Perhaps it’s because, like chimps, we don’t really want a decent softy in charge: we feel safer with a canny schmoozer or an outright bully.

Even so, MM 4 PM was a valiant attempt -- not so much against the odds, as in outright defiance of them -- so you might like to pay your respects with a little online pilgrimage. Go to www.michaelmeacher.info and check out his anxious, beaming face, still fishing for votes, as if no-one has yet told the virtual version of MM the bad news. Then click on his myspace page, (which misguided teen wonk thought that a good idea?. First you'll hear Jerusalem playing at top volume, then see MM’s sunny, gummy smile again, almost obscured by a big flashing advert for Accuvision laser eye surgery: Are you SURE you’re not a bit shortsighted?

It’s a fitting memorial to a brave campaign and if it doesn’t tease a tiny drop of pathos from your cold heart, then I don’t know what will.