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Confessions of a travelling non-dom

27 August 2008
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O’ar Pali says it isn’t easy being on planes next to strangers all the time — and you quickly find there are a series of character types, dying to tell you about themselves

Although he was unable to accost me for too long as mercifully the entertainment began, he got me on my way back from the bathroom, the only time during the flight when my headset was off. Could he possibly have me listen to an aria from one of his favourite operas? He was sure I would love it. Before I even had the chance to consent, he whipped out his collection of CDs. Yes, CDs, not mp3s. While the Travel Guru may be in his twenties, the typical Pseudo-philosopher is above 35 years of age.

Following the very best from Tosca, La Traviata and Don Giovanni, I was able to politely feign sleep. Still, after what seemed like a good two hours of pretending to be asleep, I mustered the strength to open my eyes and face my neighbour. To my surprise, it appeared that he and his sketchpad had been facing me for some time — ‘You looked so peaceful, I hope you don’t mind, but I felt inspired to sketch you.’ Now, why would I mind?

What could make a random stranger share more with his neighbour during a flight than he may do with his friends or partner throughout the year? Maybe it is because, psychologically speaking, all inhibition is lost and they know that they will never see the person strapped next to them again, and that even if they bore us we cannot run away. We are their prisoner for the duration of the flight, held hostage several miles up in the air. Or a simple scientific explanation may be more accurate, that at those altitudes the lack of oxygen affects the brain.

On a trip from Berlin I had a guy in his late twenties tell me about the two years he had spent in Asia. Don’t ask me how we got on to that; I really don’t believe I initiated that conversation. I think it all began with him asking me if I had ever been to India and a very underwhelming ‘no’ on my part. Before I knew it I had David Copperfield and Robinson Crusoe rolled into one, ‘He was born... Then he travelled to the far reaches of Asia, at times living in the wild...’ His story finally reached its climax on our descent to Heathrow as he confessed to having been bitten by some unknown bug in an Indian forest where he was camping at the time. The bite grew to the size of a mango and started pussing (needless to say I no longer eat mangos) until he finally made it to a hospital. The institution, he assured me, was indeed prehistoric, as it was in the middle of nowhere near some forest. It was only after almost a day’s wait that they operated and surgically removed the infection, according to him substituting a sharpened spoon for a scalpel. To prove it he lifted up his shirt and showed me a rather large scar on his lower back. He was at least right about the size.

Although I must confess that I have sometimes learned more about certain cultures and their natives during my flights than I have upon week-long visits to those countries, I still can’t help but close my eyes and dream about those lovely partitions in first class. After all, how much does one really need to know about one’s fellow man?

O’ar Pali works at Luxury Publishing and is a journalist for Spear’s WMS.

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Comments Post comment

Max

August 28th, 2008 11:24am Report this comment

Dear oh dear, the Speccie really is scraping the barrel during August. I wonder if the stories gained or lost in the re-telling? Whichever, I can understand why the writer was bored.

CharlieRay15

August 28th, 2008 2:37pm Report this comment

I would be interested to learn more about pigeon Italian, particularly because I was under the impression that the Italians blast anything feathered out of the sky as soon as it enters their airspace.

David Short

August 29th, 2008 8:35am Report this comment

Very dull. Who commissions these dimwitted young lady 'writers' who have plagued the Spectator over the last couple of years?

Holden

August 29th, 2008 3:57pm Report this comment

A very well written piece, I've experienced a few of these "frequent flier hazards" myself. I got a very good laugh out of it, good way to start the day.

Interesting to see how quickly people like "David Short" criticize writers considering most of these people wouldn't get anything they've ever written printed in a Grade School newspaper, the witless pillocks to a man that they are.

David Short

August 29th, 2008 9:09pm Report this comment

Holden, I think, is a Spectator hidie.

He knows I am a hugely successful international publisher, editor and international diplomat.

He can't even be bothered to make his contribution make sense.

Phew!

Any chance that he might have the courage to give his identity, as I have?

David Short

August 29th, 2008 9:14pm Report this comment

Who 'starts the day' at three minutes before in the afternoon?

Tell us who you are, Holden.

I don't hide, why do you?

D Short

August 29th, 2008 9:19pm Report this comment

Dumb, dumb,dumb, dumb,dumb

Commissioned by an old Scottish bachelor.

Joe Camel

August 30th, 2008 1:06am Report this comment

Being a dom or non-dom or anything else doesn't seem to have much to do with it. Nevertheless, I look forward one day, who knows, to being placed next to Ms. Pali on a flight to somewhere or other.

prinkipo71

August 30th, 2008 10:57pm Report this comment

Good lord first Venetia Thompson and now this rubbish? Please can we keep these vacuous airhead witterings out of the magazine.

Alex

August 31st, 2008 4:21pm Report this comment

Very funny.

Who are all these pathetic people wasting time out of their day to criticize the article with their pseudo-intellectual comments?

Get a life kiddies, let the adults speak.

Paul M

August 31st, 2008 11:31pm Report this comment

Ha ha. I tend to get the Pseudo-philosophers. Maybe it is because I am a boring Business-type...

D Short

September 1st, 2008 6:52am Report this comment

Is it coincidence that 'Holden' and 'Alex' who both defend the 'writer', also use the word 'critize' in their text, and use the OED correct version with a 'z'?

Are they the same person?

This took 20 seconds to write.

Not much 'wasted time'.

Anon

September 1st, 2008 9:25am Report this comment

Very witty piece by Ms Pali. I particularly like the characterisation of the types of neighbour the travel guru comes across. Hopefully we will be seeing more from this writer.

Anon

September 1st, 2008 9:27am Report this comment

Very witty piece by Ms Pali. I particularly like the characterisation of the types of neighbour the travel guru comes across. I hope we will be seeing more from this writer.

Seb

September 1st, 2008 11:10am Report this comment

Just got off a plane this morning and was told by a colleague to read this piece by the new Spec contributor. I think it is a very funny and well written piece and don't understand what all the fuss is about from some of these postings, unless it is part of the usual hazing offered to new female contributors. Chin up sweetheart, you have talent!

Kirsty B

September 1st, 2008 12:12pm Report this comment

Refreshing to read something that is not about Obama for a change. And definitely more relevant to my summer!

Karen

September 1st, 2008 12:21pm Report this comment

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Goes to show we need more women writers at the Specie. Wonderful article.

Karen

September 1st, 2008 12:22pm Report this comment

PS: I can see why Ms. Pali stopped eating mangos... x

D Short

September 1st, 2008 12:47pm Report this comment

Now that I am middle-aged and no longer wish to pick up young women on planes, I never speak a word to my neighbour.

Hideo

September 1st, 2008 2:44pm Report this comment

Funny Article. Some one attempted to speak Japanese to me on a flight to Chicago. I couldn't call it pigeon Japanese, since the Pigeon would've done better.

Also, Mr. Short, you couldn't pick up women.. plane or not. Who is that annoying rambling toddler anyway?

Helly

September 1st, 2008 4:01pm Report this comment

I think I have met the mango dude...
Or maybe the people we meet on planes really do tell the same stories?? Fun piece in any case.

Brian63

September 1st, 2008 5:57pm Report this comment

Good piece. One of the reasons why I subscribe to the Spectator is that it manages to combine serious opinion pieces (handy as amunition to debate the politicos I work with!), with fun light-hearted articles like this one. The Economist or the daily press do not cater to that need. Way to go Specy and good luck Ms. Pali!

David Short

September 1st, 2008 10:34pm Report this comment

Hideo, I don't know if I could pick up young women on planes any more, because I don't want to.

I used to do it quite often, I can assure you, when I wanted to.

I did it on trains and boats too.

I'd have to chase middle-aged women now, and I don't think I'd want to do that.

George H

September 2nd, 2008 11:06am Report this comment

A well written and entertaining piece. Will we be seeing more of Ms. Pali?

Alice

September 3rd, 2008 10:36am Report this comment

You go away for one week and you miss all the fun. Hysterical piece! Just got off a plane last night and completely understand her! I agree with Holden a great way to start the day,

Ms Pali has a great sense of humour. I wonder if she can top this?

Alan Hall

September 3rd, 2008 10:57am Report this comment

I'm afraid I do agree with the criticism of O'ar Pali's article; I could have written it without ever having sat in an aeroplane. Did she never sit next to a woman (or Female, as she might say)? or anyone who might have anything interesting to say to her? This piece seems to say more about Ms. Pali than her travelling companions. Please let's not have more in the same vein in the Spectator.

Anatole

September 3rd, 2008 1:51pm Report this comment

What a fun piece! Very witty and carefully observed.
And, by the way, this is a funny article, not a statistical analysis of passenger types. I know I could not have written this which is why I am grateful to the professionals who can liven up even a 'serious' magazine like the Specy. Go Ms Pali!

David Short

September 3rd, 2008 3:18pm Report this comment

Is it part of the contract of Speccie employees to counter negative criticism from readers with wholly unconvincing applause for a weak piece?

If this article is funny, so is colon cancer.

The only funny woman writer is Deborah Ross.

And I mean of all women journos, not just those who appear in the Spectator.

Anatole

September 3rd, 2008 3:51pm Report this comment

David:
Don't want to get involved in a protracted debate as I have better things to do (you don't seem to have that problem).
But I do NOT work for the Spectator - they don't pay enough.
Your comment about "all women journos" should disqualify your opinion outright, irrespective of what you think. Perhaps it will do you good to read more articles by Ms Pali and other talented women authors.
Not least, you might improve the level of your own prose which at the moment is not fit for anything other than anonymous message boards (you clearly don't work for the Spectator).

Kirsty B

September 3rd, 2008 4:36pm Report this comment

Totally agree with Anatole. David's misogyny is disgusting. Unbelievable that women journalists have to suffer people like this...

ibk

September 3rd, 2008 5:09pm Report this comment

Those who can't write, criticise. As true today as it has ever been.
Good article O'ar Pali. Maybe you should also write about the sorts of neighbours one gets on a cruise ship?! Just spent two full weeks of mind-numbing dinners at a table full of accountants on board an over-priced ferry. Brr...

JohnAnt

September 4th, 2008 12:25am Report this comment

Humour is of course a very personal matter. Personally I find it unamusing and trivial to the point of banal: boring airline reading for those bored 'high net worth individuals' that Luxury Publishing purports to aim at. I'm profoundly thankful that I've discontinued my Speccie subscription.

C Hart

September 4th, 2008 10:33am Report this comment

Nobody has ever sketched me on a plane :( Ms Pali - could you post a copy of the product please?
Funny piece though. Great bath tub reading (like the rest of the Spectator of course).

Jon McHale

September 7th, 2008 7:42pm Report this comment

Mr Pali,

I enjoyed your article very much, and love the take on different characters.

I've written various posts which are based on either my commuting or holiday experiences - usually which centre on comical human behaviour, you can find them on http://mo-stoneskin.blogspot.com. I hope you enjoy them.

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