All the stalkers you see are desperate marketing men

14 February 2009

This will be the Year of the Nosy Parker, says Catherine Blyth: researchers chasing dwindling custom desperate to find out what is going on inside our heads

I have a stalker. In fact, I have hundreds. So do you. What, do you mean you haven’t noticed? I became aware of my admirers after Christmas. First it was letters, then emails. Could I spare a mo to rate my broadband installation? What about the insurer’s customer service? The building society was sorry I’d closed my account, but would love to hear how well they closed it. The questionnaire shouldn’t take a minute. Then came the calls. ‘How did I find the helpline?’ asked my bank. Barclays (not my bank) rang several times to invite me to participate in a survey. This was not, repeat not, a sales call. Just a few minutes of my time... How, asked my mobile operator, can we improve our end-user interface? ‘By leaving me in peace,’ I didn’t say. Next, harassment. One icy Saturday I was walking home with goodies from Ottolenghi, a deli which provides a Proustian whiff of decadence for a mere £3.50 slice of cake. Three pasty men in day-glo yellow jerkins approached. ‘Do you smoke, madam?’ ‘No,’ I said. Downcast, they turned and circled one of the few passersby whose cloudy breath wasn’t cold but nicotine-rich. On their yellow backs I read: ‘NHS Anti-Smoking Patrol’. I felt victimised. I felt like I was at school. I felt like having a smoke. And if these invasions of my privacy don’t end soon, I may copy the late John Mortimer and take it up again. When I get sick, I’ll know whom to sue. To me, these approaches prove that every bust brings its boom. 2009 shall be the Year of the Nosy Parker, as a buyer’s market detonates an explosion of invasive marketing.

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David Bouvier

February 16th, 2009 6:02pm Report this comment

Well I can heartily recommend the Telephone Preference Service and Mail Preference Service to get rid of most of the hassle - our just remember to specifically tell a telephone caller that "as per UK law, I require you to remove my number from your database and not call me again".

Malcolm Sutherland

April 29th, 2009 3:31pm Report this comment

The whole concept of unwarranted sales pitches is morally wrong. I find it astonishing that slimy yapping salespeople are allowed to phone us and bang on our front doors without our permission. If I want help in a shop, I GO UP to a sales assistant; that is the way it should be. They should wait until a customer contacts them.

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