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Why I’m standing to be a local councillor

23 April 2008

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Kelvin MacKenzie says that his fury over an extortionate hike in parking prices drove him to stand for election to Elmbridge Borough Council

Next I spoke to the ‘leader’. His explanation was that the charges were low compared to other stations in the area and they had carried out a survey showing non-locals were coming into the area to park there.

I didn’t believe him. No motorist I know drives out of his way to find a cheaper station car park. After all, you must rob a bank first before filling up your Mini. So I asked him to send me the results of the survey and its methodology as I use that car park every day and had never seen any of the survey’s findings. That was a month ago. You will be unsurprised to learn that there is still no sign of the survey.

Finally I emailed my local councillor aptly named Dearlove. The chap is a local estate agent and presumably doesn’t make the trip to Waterloo all that often, and anyway, with the state of the housing market, is unlikely to make enough money this year to buy a ticket.

You will be unsurprised to learn that he never replied to my complaint. The reason is that he voted for the rise in the first place.

So I was defeated. Impotent. A neuter. The man who put the toss in testosterone. Then the light bulb went on (no, not the Kinnock light bulb) — yes, I could do something to stop that rise. I could stand against Mr Dearlove in my ward as he was coming up for election on 1 May.

So I pottered down to the council offices where the electoral officer informed me I could spend £600 plus 5p per elector on my campaign. Eat your heart out Peter Hain. I rustled up ten neighbours in the ward to support me and then faced the reality of trying to get elected.

Last time the Tories got 1,000 votes, the Lib Dems 500 and Labour 70. The first casualty of my entrance into local politics was Labour, who aren’t bothering to fight the ward. This is the first occasion that the socialists haven’t wanted to give me a bloody nose for at least 25 years.

Next came the important task of writing my manifesto. I decided to make it simple, mainly so Mr Dearlove could understand it. Policy No. 1 was cutting the price of parking in the area. We want more people to use the station car parks instead of the streets and encourage more people into the town to shop.

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AlanofEngland

April 24th, 2008 10:40am Report this comment

"I presume he had relatives in the Liverpool area." A cheap shop from a cheap and revolting man...I hope you are elected because politicians are all alike...cheap and revolting.

Cheryl Mortimer

April 24th, 2008 1:01pm Report this comment

What self-indulgent nonsense. How can you expect an electorate to support you when your own ability to react rationally to a problem is personified by your admission that you've spent £600 to protest against a £1.50 daily increase in a car parking charge. Most people's rational reaction would be to check out the local bus timetable or invest in a new pair of shoes. I also expected more consistency in your piece, afterall, you were at one point a relatively well known journalist e.g. how can you beat 'the socialist' if, as you state earlier in the article, they're not even putting up a candidate? I expected more from you .... disappointed and not voting MacKenzie of Surrey

DisillusionedVoter

April 24th, 2008 1:19pm Report this comment

Good luck, Kelvin, but if you do get elected you will find that you have no power to implement your excellent manifesto. Local councillors are there to rubber-stamp council officers' policies which in turn have been handed down to them by the government in Whitehall (not Wesminster) and Brussels. Enjoy!

Merda taurorum animas conturbit

April 24th, 2008 2:23pm Report this comment

Sadly, Kelvin, the bulk of the money in the pension fund you intend to scrap is paid out not to the relatively small number of chief officers on six-figure salaries, but rather to the dinner ladies, home helps, street sweepers and account clerks who make up the majority of the council's workforce, and who are not exactly society's more notable 'fat cats'.

AndyB

April 25th, 2008 5:51am Report this comment

I watched people literally explode at Hillsborough. I saw the dead being laid out on the grass. I suppose we should forgive and forget such a little man who takes such pleasure in insult.

If only William Hazlitt was still alive-I believe MacKenzie is a perfect William Gifford for this era.

Yes from the "Liverpool area" but rather than use the term detailed I might prefer "odious creep".

Prodicus

April 25th, 2008 11:40am Report this comment

Bloody good. Go, Kelvin!

William

April 25th, 2008 12:38pm Report this comment

The Liverpool comment should have been spotted and removed. Some people never learn, sadly.

May I take this opportunity to wish Kelvin nothing but the very worst of luck.

Paul Potts

April 25th, 2008 7:10pm Report this comment

I'd have thought there were a lot more other things to complain about. So go on, do it.

Ruth Fitch

April 25th, 2008 7:50pm Report this comment

Good luck, Kelvin, I'd vote for you. My council wants to charge us for parking outside our own front door - perhaps I should stand as well! Unfortunately we aren't having Council elections at the same time as everyone else.

I hope you get in and look forward to hearing how it went.

Gerald Gilbert

May 11th, 2008 10:54am Report this comment

Too bad this time, but the consolation is that being unelected, you won't have to waste time at all those committee meetings. Walton PACE is trying to do many of the local things you advpcate, and can give examples of the money-wasting bureaucracy in Surrey and Elmbridge. Why not get in touch, Kelvin?

C Lawson

April 10th, 2009 10:36am Report this comment

It's a shame you don't feel so strongly about apologising for the lies you peddled 20 years ago. Quite franky given the option of voting you into any political capacity or satan himself I'll opt for the latter as he appears to have stronger morals. Why don't you do everyone a favour and dissapear up your own ####

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