I have worked out how we can win the Eurovision Song Contest next year

Dave Bates

I saw Rod Liddle on Through the Keyhole on Monday. What a piece of garbage and what a chav pretends to be posh house.

A music lover

We do not on any account want to win the Eurovision song contest. It would mean having to host the sleazefest the following year. The horror of having to accommodate in the UK tens of thousands of brainless East European peasants would be too much to bear. It would be worse than the Olympics, Children in Need and Live Aid combined.

Cogito Ergosum

I am amazed that Rod Liddle praised the British entry - I thought it was rubbish. Why not give them earful of "Nice One, Cyril"? Perhaps with a verse in every different language.

T. J. K. Budgie

That has to be the worst written article I have ever read in The Spectator.

I am shocked and dismayed that standards have fallen so low.

Ian C

I did not watch the contest and I think the last time I did was when Abba won with Waterloo.

But I love Rod's recommendation for a winner. I can't wait.

Steve Benson

I too saw Mr Liddle on Through the Keyhole. White-trash with cash is how his abode is best described.

David Short

If the Spectator's standards have fallen, then the standard of reader has fallen with it.

How is it that even one reader, never mind at least two, watches 'Through the Keyhole'?

John Holmes

I must have missed something. Someone please tell me what is the relevance of someone's taste in furniture to the merits of their argument (not an argument about furniture, I think).

Bob Tilley

Wonderful stuff, Liddle dear boy. Fortunately, we out here in the wastes of Asia, far beyond even the expanded borders of Europe, are spared the annual spectacle of hairy Balkan hags and blokes in tattered jeans competing for a trophy I wouldn't let through the back door.But here's an idea--bring the contest to somewhere like Luang Prabang and let the locals out this way strut their stuff. At least the gals are sleek and slim and the blokes wear tuxedos. Great ratings are guaranteed.

Bob Tilley, Chiang Mai

Lucan C. Heraclitus

You gottoo lerve a liddle
take a liddle
Letchore pore art brake a liddle
dat de storio
dat de glorio vidge

Ron's idea should be taken up for next year.Definitely.

BTW it's distressing to know that there are Spectator readers who watch 'Keyhole'.

Mike Brand

Lucan C. Heraclitus misses the point. The real horror is that the Spectator has writers who appear on that rubbish. Not only that but they go on looking like vagrants and have homes that look like they have been decorated by Barbara Windsor. This is the true price of Socialism.

Sally Rossi

Mike Brand is spot on.

JLL

You've missed the point. The reason why countries vote for their neighbours is not because they each other. It's because of ex-pats. For example, there are large numbers of ethnic Russians in places like Latvia, Lithuania and the Ukraine.

Lucan C. Heraclitus

Mike Brand - you may be right but for me Mr. Liddle can do no wrong.

I have a heart-shaped tattoo with his name inside. (!)

But in view of his day-time TV cash for trash black mark I have emblazoned this with a banner bearing the motto "errare humanum est".

To this is superadded an early Zhou dynasty proverb - He who milks the old cow must set his stool with care.

Geoff Ellis

beautifully put!! We watched from Australia on the multicultural channel, it is a party thing here where we roll around wetting ourselves at the whole shebang, we would never miss it, rejoicing in the togetherness that
'Europe" displays despite the odd non Euro ringin!! Loved the article. !!

Paddy

In my opinion, the UK's entry was tuneless and deserved a low finish. (At least you could remember B&H's entry afterwards - even if the tune was repeated ad nauseam - as well as the quirky characters, which as a whole, in my opinion, actually worked quite well).

As JLL pointed out, countries do not vote for each other because they are neighbours or even for cultural similarities. The reason Belarus gives high marks to Russia is because of the Russians in Belarus, similarly with Moldova to Russia and to Romania etc... all the way to the Poles living in Ireland who vote for Poland...

Of course, if there is a spectacularly good song then people will vote for it regardless.

Ollie

Whereas in Britain the height of popular music achievement is considered to be the work of, say, Pink Floyd or The Beatles, in Ukraine they really, truly, honestly, and without shame, think it is the oeuvre of eighties German electro-pop outfit Modern Talking.

John Starbuck

Doing better at Eurovision is a great argument for splitting up the UK. Wait until we all start voting for each other!

rod liddle

Ooh good, a write-in. Get a few more involved Sal and Mike and Brand et al. Good for the hit rate.

Andrew Oliver

John Starbuck is assuming a great deal. I would sooner vote for the Russians or anyone else before I gave a vote to the Welsh or Scots. I find that the East Europeans are far more civilised than the Scots or Welsh and the French are cleaner. As for Liddle (on through the keyhole) his tastes are much as one would expect. p.s. I only watched it because it was a wet Bank Holiday.

david s

what a sad man are you ROD LIDDLE. you really donk know anything.
At least Britan could send a good song next year.

Andy Gill

The great news is that after Liddles appearance on TV all of his "mates" at the Spectator will be laughing at him behind his back.

Anon

A trivial subject, but an interesting general observation. What is the link between a culture and its music? Personally speaking, apart from the theme from "Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence", I do not find Asian music appealing (under which category I would include Greek music).

Jeremiah Wright recently made a famous comparison of white and black American marching band styles. He delivered it as an insult, but again, personally speaking, I thought he embarrassed himself.

My theory, at least as regards Western European tastes, is that we cannot escape our classical (Greek) heritage, and so are constantly looking for a point in music (as in "what is the point?", rather than "douze points"). Perhaps other cultures are not so bothered about that. In this case, I think I'm content to observe that it's all relative.

JimBob

It would be better if the bottom 3 countries got 'relegated' out of the EU

Roger Inkpen

Of course most of what you hear on Eurovision is total dross, but even if you watch it you can console yourself that you’ll never hear any of the ‘songs’ again. As for the voting, I really don’t care who votes for what and why. The excitement of seeing how the individual countries vote is what makes the previous 2 hours worthwhile. Quite possibly the UK entry was played on the radio before the contest, but it was the first time I heard it, and although a passable song, was not performed well enough to get into the top half. So it came last, but so what?

It has been obvious for many years that strange voting patterns take place. For many years Germany consistently voted for Turkey. Neither country can vote for itself, but there are probably millions of ethnic Turks in Germany, who can vote for the mother country. Likewise with the former Soviet states and the Balkans. I still don’t see a problem with this. We know we have the biggest, most professional music industry in Europe. Our performers are known and loved throughout the continent. So the voting can’t just be down to political or cultural differences. There is the argument that we shouldn’t be footing the bill for this contest. Maybe now that Russia is filthy rich they should be added to the ‘big four’ whose financial contributions guarantee them a place.

What I find offensive was Wogan’s comments throughout the night. Not only did he talk as songs started, he told us what he thought of them, without letting us decide for ourselves. And he gave us no chance to judge the interval act, waffling endlessly about nothing in particular. How he can complain about racism towards our performer when he was dismissing Serbian culture is rank hypocrisy.

Jim Scott

Well said Mr Liddle. As ever you can be relied on to write a truthful, humorous non PC version of life as it really is. More power to your pen and please continue to ignore those po-faced individuals who don't approve of your style or content.

Barry McGregor

Is Jim Scott Mr Liddle in disguise or is he his interior decorator?

Peter Graves

Stitches,..absolutely spot on my man Liddel...and don't listen to all those poppinjays without a shred of humour

O. Ine-Aethelberht

Now that's what I call an idea, JimBob!!!