‘Make him sit and wait’

Anna Blundy

26 July 2008

Anna Blundy takes her dog Marmite to Tip Top training and finds that the whole procedure could just as well apply to men

The lady in the orange baseball cap is shouting to be heard. It is true that she hasn’t got much choice — the barking has become deafening. ‘You have to teach them to respect you!’ she screams. Owners tug sheepishly at their dogs’ leads and attempt to shush them without appearing to be unworthy of respect. ‘Otherwise they can make your life completely miserable.’ It occurs to me that this is a point that could be made about creatures other than 12-week-old puppies.

While, for Marmite, Tip Top training is about getting little chunks of garlicky cheese for doing fairly rudimentary things on Hampstead Heath (though it is true that he struggles somewhat with ‘roll over’), for me it turns out to be relationship counselling with a few child-rearing pointers thrown in.

The key thing, Sue (the orange baseball cap-wearing dog trainer) tells us, standing in a circle of nervous owners and frenzied puppies, raising her voice above the wind, is to reward good behaviour and ignore bad. So, when he chews the cover of Melanie Klein’s Love, Guilt and Reparation, take it from him gently, hand him one of his own toys (eg. squeaky lobster) and say ‘Good trade’ in your most encouraging voice. Easy.

A friend of mine (also a national newspaper editor) told me recently that he was falling in love with his new girlfriend because she made him eggs on toast when he rolled in drunk rather than giving him ‘the usual aggro’. Now, this could be cringing feminine servitude in the face of pissed oppressor, or, on closer inspection, could it be that New Girlfriend is in fact practising Tip Top obedience-enhancing techniques? By overlooking bad behaviour, she could be ensuring future respect. If she had doled out the expected aggro, would my friend have continued with his metaphorical (and perhaps literal) weeing on the carpet?

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David Short

July 24th, 2008 8:04am Report this comment

Hmm, just the kind of flimsy rubbish we've come to expect in what is meant to be a serious political and literary magazine.

Fit only for The Guardian, if that.

Fred Kite

July 25th, 2008 10:10am Report this comment

I cannot believe the Spectator has run such a cruddy article. I'm told the reasoning for abominations like this goes as follows: middle-class self-obsessed dim women are a huge market - so lets get one to write a piece to attract the others. We can pretend it is "wry observation" or something on contemporary something or other.
How much is the cover price these days? Jesus wept.

Columns by dimw

Water

July 25th, 2008 10:42am Report this comment

Yawn, for this is a sign that leaving is a must, an intellectual potatoe famine.

Craig

July 25th, 2008 12:12pm Report this comment

I find the occasional light hearted column refreshing and while on the face of it this article may appear nonsense I can see several rather valid points. In this country the respect for women has deteriorated which has in turn led to behaviours that are quite unacceptable in our enlightened age. This is not an isolated problem: respect, as we all know, is becoming a rare commodity and the idea of a woman playing mind ganmes with her partner is simply another example of this trend.

hmm

July 25th, 2008 1:32pm Report this comment

"enlightened age"...

aimee sahlsteen

July 25th, 2008 5:51pm Report this comment

Everybody knows you ruthlessly punish bad behaviour and ignore the good. Much more efficient and economical that way. It's a commonly accepted principle in the States; "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".......