Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

29 November 2008

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Wednesday

Bev from Labour tried it on this morning. Rang to say: ‘It’s a f***ing outrage what Gordon’s doing! A betrayal of everything Tony stood for! Why the hell aren’t you guys opposing it? Are you nuts? My parents are talking about moving to Jersey! What’s Dave going to do about it, that’s what I want to know?!’ I told her she could drop the act, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know the Lord of Darkness is listening in on speakerphone. I’m not going to fall for it. We’ve come too far. Under the principled leadership of David Cameron, we’ve changed everything we believe in to make ourselves more electable. We are made of sterner stuff, oh yes! She was stunned. After a long silence she simply said, ‘I can’t help you people. I’m defecting to the Libs.’ Result!

Thursday

Bumped into Lord A outside the Austerity Room. He’d been catching up on the soaps — we keep a tape of them in there so we can stay abreast of the concerns of the working classes, our main constituency. Anyway, he was all smiles, which is amazing given the huge amounts of extra tax he’s going to be paying when the new 45 per cent rate comes in. Made me think, if Lord A can be stoical, I don’t see why the rest of Britain’s high earners can’t stop moping about. Meanwhile, we low earners must be brave too. Am off to the King’s Road to do a little VAT-cut bonanza shopping. There’s a Moschino jumper I’ve had my eye on which I’m hoping will be down from £100 to £97.50!