The Spectator's Notes

20 December 2008

Charles Moore's reflections on the week

John Milton is 400 years old this month, and there is justified lamentation that nobody reads him for pleasure. Although Milton is renowned for his learning and complexity, he was also the master of simplicity. Almost my earliest memory of poetry of any kind is singing Milton’s version of Psalm 136 at my kindergarten. ‘Let us with a gladsome mind/ Praise the Lord, for he is kind’, it begins. I liked it, aged four or five, because of its depiction of nature — the ‘golden-tressèd sun’, ‘the hornèd moon that shines by night,/Mid her spangled sisters bright’. (I only wish the hymnal version had included some of the exciting other verses like ‘The floods stood still like walls of glass,/While the Hebrew bands did pass’ or ‘And large-limbed Og he did subdue,/ With all his over-hardy crew’.) Milton’s intellectual sophistication did not prevent his love of the physical, his directness. This Christmas is the right time to enjoy his ode ‘On the Morning of Christ’s Nativity’. Here is the winter scene when the pagan spirits are dispelled at the coming of the saviour: ‘So when the sun in bed,/ Curtained with cloudy red,/ Pillows his chin upon an orient wave,/ The flocking shadows pale,/ Troop to the infernal jail...’. Milton wrote the poem when he was just 21.

A City friend sends me an email of an old joke in new form. From internal evidence, I should say it was composed in the late summer. It is called ‘Cows! A cheerful summary’, and consists of a series of definitions: ‘Socialism: You have two cows. The State nationalises one and gives it to your neighbour. Communism: You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. Fascism: You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. Traditional capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. Lehman Brothers Venture Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at Bear Stearns, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.’

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Cogito Ergosum

December 16th, 2008 8:59pm Report this comment

I am sure I remember the cows story as an explanation of the rise of Enron. It may of course be much older.

dgf

December 18th, 2008 6:00pm Report this comment

the opera sounds like a sequel to i disonesti which was published by the weekly standard. some of the original cast are reprising their r�les in the new work.

David Moss

December 23rd, 2008 7:00pm Report this comment

Oftentimes, I am asked what I look for in a Secretary of State and it's a big question, of course, but the Thai-breaker, if you will, is simple and is this -- always choose the one who can remember fi she and her daughter were shot at as they got off the aeroplan.

Bryn Winkle

December 25th, 2008 1:03pm Report this comment

It is unfair to both the police officers involved and the families of the deceased to question the way in which the police handle firearms when compared to the general public. Both of the cases mentioned are still the subject of an IPCC investigation, although it seems that Mr Moore has already made his own conclusion based on the limited evidence that would be available to him.

Jenny Daniel

January 2nd, 2009 7:04pm Report this comment

I've been away and have been catching up on the last few weeks worth of the Speccie.
I read that Charles Moore is not going to pay his licence fee because of the Ross/Brand thing.
If he does, I do hope that his conscience will not allow him to watch/listen to: all the music on Radio Three; news, drama, etc on Radio Four; sport on Radio Five; things to keep you sane in the middle of the night on the World Service ... before we even start on the TV.
All that lost for the sake of one stupid, tasteless, unfunny gag.
A few weeks in the States makes me rrealise just what a wonder and a treasure -- for all its sometimes glaring faults -- the BBC (and the licence fee) is.
Perhaps Charles Moore should remember the saying about the baby and the bathwater.

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