Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

23 May 2009

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Wednesday

I wish Dave would stop calling for a snap election. If we have a snap election, I could be an MP in months! Or not! What if Poppy gets in first and bags herself a safe Surrey seat?! It would be too much if she ended up my local MP. I’d have to move. No, I must take control of my destiny and begin networking in Wibberley and the surrounding area immediately. Possibly I should be opposing that new housing development on the disused airfield. Or should I? What if it’s eco homes? What is our housing policy this week? Oh dear. I think I’m getting hysterical. If I’m not careful, I’ll end up like Nadine Dorries. One minute, you’re writing a respected diary, the next minute you’re rambling all over a blog about cooking 12-bird roasts and how your dogs get confused if you move them around too much. I must try to keep a clear head at all times. After all, I am a prospective prospective MP!

Thursday

The Mole rang again. Got the shock of his life when Jed snatched the phone up. ‘Never mind Damian not giving you a miserable little job as his fan-mail organiser. How about being the Anti-Moat Clearing Conservative Candidate for Change in the Glasgow North East by-election? What do you mean you’ve never been to Scotland? What sort of attitude is that?’