Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

20 June 2009

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Wednesday

We had to put Mr Clarke in for a bit of a rest too. He can be so hardworking. We specifically told him not to bother defending our Lisbon Treaty policy and particularly not to wear himself out trying to explain what ‘we will not let matters rest there’ means. No offence to our future Chancellor — oops, I mean former! — but many brains have tried and failed. Now he’s had a go and made a predictable mess of it. No, it does not mean ‘we will ask some questions and be a bit careful about things’. It means something quite different. Only Mr Hague knows what and only Mr Hague can explain. Which he will in due course. At the moment he’s devoted to Iran. It’s not easy expressing in the strongest possible terms that we would like to do something or other if things were different and we were able to, which we are not.

Thursday

Mr Mitchell on the phone again. Wants to know whether Dave has signed the papers yet. How many times do we have to tell him? Just because he’s given up a six-figure salary to stay in the shadow cabinet does not mean we have to sign a contract guaranteeing him a job in government. Or if we did give that impression, we didn’t mean to. We say a lot of things when we’re trying to persuade people to give up their outside interests. In any case, he hasn’t signed and returned the section promising not to vote for Mr Bercow.