Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

27 June 2009

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Wednesday

‘Speaker’ Bercow rang up Dave before PMQs. Something about extending unto him the most sincere and august good wishes and to verily say in all earnestness that he beareth him no ill will, nor taketh amiss the many slights he hast most keenly suffered at our hands since time immemorial as he toileth for righteousness’ sake and that he thought it would be very meet if we did something or other for the cause of such and such etc, etc. Dave told him to sod off and eat his head.

Thursday

Bit of trouble with our new European allies. The Poles want to know what Dave’s going to do about banning gay rights marches when he’s PM. The Czechs keep ringing up to find out whether he’s going to the climate change denial annual conference next month. And someone called Topolánek has invited him to a pool party in Sardinia: ‘Dress — Naked But Casual’. I suppose this is only to be expected. After all, no one ever said defeating federalism would be easy! All the same, think I’d better ring and find out if he can wear Vilebrequins.

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roger cooper

June 30th, 2009 1:52am Report this comment

Sorry to be pendantic, but if Tamzin uses outdated English grammar, she should get it right.

Thus, in Wednesday's last para, line 4, it should be 'hath', not 'hast', which is the form for the second person singular, 'thou'. It's a common mistake, presumably because of the 'th' of 'thou'.

Nevertheless, a witty piece. Although a part-time resident of Prague, I didn't quite understand the reference to Topolanek, the former Czech prime minister, one of the few reliable politicians in CZ. I'm also so untrendy that I don't know what Vilebrequins (the last word) are. Topolanek, by the way, is no 'federalist', just a good middle-of-the road European.

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