Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

31 May 2008

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Monday

Another superb by-election victory party at HQ with lashings of Pol Roger! The vibe v much: ‘Humility and workmanlike determination to get on with the job of serving the British people.’ Jed made a fantastic speech about how jubilation should ring out throughout the land as Our Great Leader Dave basks in this his finest hour.

‘Let all of Britain dance on New Labour’s grave and stick two fingers up to the Great Clunking Disaster that is Gordon Brown! But above all, let not a hint of triumphalism pass our lips! Oh no. The people of this nation will not hear us Tories rubbing Labour’s nose in it, or singing our own praises, or getting complacent, or carried away with excitement.’ He’s quite right. That sort of attitude would completely spoil the awesomely incredible and unmitigatedly brilliant performance of Our Great Conservative party as it rampages towards Total Victory 2010!!

I got quite tearful and nearly couldn’t drink my champagne thinking of all the poor, desperate people we are going to be helping by scrapping stamp duty on shares and leaving the EU Social Chapter. I just wish we could get on with rescuing the country sooner.

Tuesday

Can’t move for baskets of exotic fruit and mini muffins which keep appearing with little cards wishing us well from people I’ve never heard of but who Poppy says are ‘extremely important in the business world’. I wish they’d stop. Am three pounds heavier than I was yesterday and there’s only so many opera tickets you can give away to your mother’s friends. Am going to start phoning and telling them to send vouchers for Wibberley Horse and Rider or Harvey Nicks. Otherwise it’s just a waste.

V useful strategy meeting for our forthcoming awayday at The Maltings Travel Haven and Conference Centre. We are calling it ‘Now That We Are Modernised’.

The idea is that with the rebranding done we need to start thinking about what we really stand for. Jed says we must not assume we can just dust off all Mr Redwood’s policy submissions and start believing in the virtuous cycle again. Then he went all misty-eyed and said we had to start thinking for ourselves because ‘I will not always be with you.’ What on earth can Jed mean?

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